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Raiderfan0224 · Nov 26, 2007, 12:02 PM

My girlfriend wants me to stop talking to one of my best friends, whom is also a girl. This has happened before, but not to this extent. And those girls that she didn't feel comfortable with before, are now friends of hers. She is really hurt by this and I feel really bad about hurting her but this other girl is a really good friend and I don't like losing friends. What should I do? Anything helps

mafiaangel180 · Nov 26, 2007, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by Raiderfan0224

My girlfriend wants me to stop talking to one of my best friends, whom is also a girl. This has happened before, but not to this extent. and those girls that she didnt feel comfortable with before, are now friends of hers. She is really hurt by this and i feel really bad about hurting her but this other girl is a really good friend and i dont like losing friends. what should i do? anything helps

It really depends on how long you were with her and where you see the relationship going. There are always boundaries. Think about it... would you like it if she went to a dark movie theater with a male best friend? Keep this girl as your friend, but know your boundaries. Be respectful. One of the rules that I've read is to never discuss your relationship with your female friend. That would be disrespectful.

Also, you call this girl your best friend. Just out of curiosity, what does she give you that your girlfriend doesn't?

Emland · Nov 26, 2007, 01:20 PM

This is a control and insecurity issue on her part. You will have to decide which relationship is more important to you. What has she given up for you?

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 26, 2007, 02:46 PM

I agree with emland. How long have you been with this girl? And who do you think will stay with you longer hm? Your friend or this girl?

Is your girlfriend mad at you when you hang with this friend or just hurt? If she is hurt then she is thinking that she may lose you to this friend of yours, and this shows she is insecure and that just means you should reassure her that nothing is going to happen, or get her to open up about why she doesn't want you near someone who is ONLY a friend. If she acts angry then it is Definitely control and you need to get out of this relationship FAST.

Raiderfan0224 · Nov 26, 2007, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

It really depends on how long you were with her and where you see the relationship going. There are always boundaries. Think about it... would you like it if she went to a dark movie theater with a male best friend? Keep this girl as your friend, but know your boundaries. Be respectful. One of the rules that I've read is to never discuss your relationship with your female friend. That would be disrespectful.

Also, you call this girl your best friend. Just out of curiosity, what does she give you that your girlfriend doesn't?

I have been with her for almost 11 months now. You know how you get that feeling when you see someone for the first time that makes you feel just a certain way? Like you know its destiny... I know for a fact that she is the one. No doubt in my mind. She gives me nothing that my girlfriend doesn't. But if you always go by that rule, not being friends with someone because your girl/boyfriend can give you that, you will have no friends period. Because if your girl/boyfriend is really the one, they should give you all that you need.

[QUOTE]I agree with emland. How long have you been with this girl? And who do you think will stay with you longer hm? Your friend or this girl?

Is your girlfriend mad at you when you hang with this friend or just hurt? If she is hurt then she is thinking that she may lose you to this friend of yours, and this shows she is insecure and that just means you should reassure her that nothing is going to happen, or get her to open up about why she doesn't want you near someone who is ONLY a friend. If she acts angry then it is Definitely control and you need to get out of this relationship FAST.[QUOTE]

See I don't hang out with the girl alone. I hang out with her and her boyfriend and sometimes my girlfriend. Her boyfriend has been another one of my best friends for 11 some odd years now. No she isn't mad and yes she is hurt. She tells me that its nothing that I do because she knows I don't do anything wrong. It's the girl. I didn't have a chance to ask what it was about the girl, she had to go, but I don't know.

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 26, 2007, 03:12 PM

Ooooo I get it now... she thinks that this lady friend of yours likes you. She's intemidated by your friend! Again you need to reassure her! Your girlfriend probably looks at your friend and sees things about her that she doesn't have, and starts to worry and thinks that your lady friend can probably take you from her. Ask her if that's it! If she says yes then explain to her that NOTHING could take you away from her. If she says no, then ask her what's wrong, if she says it's nothing, grab this girl firmly by the shoulders make her look at you and ask her what's wrong, and hold her... I can tell you know... nothing is more of a comfort to a girl then being in the sheltered arms of the man she loves. Then tell her that you're worried about her and you don't like seeing her like this.

Raiderfan0224 · Nov 26, 2007, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Ooooo I get it now.... she thinks that this lady friend of yours likes you. She's intemidated by your friend! Again you need to reassure her! Your girlfriend probably looks at your friend and sees things about her that she doesn't have, and starts to worry and thinks that your lady friend can probably take you from her. Ask her if that's it! If she says yes then explain to her that NOTHING could take you away from her. If she says no, then ask her what's wrong, if she says it's nothing, grab this girl firmly by the shoulders make her look at you and ask her what's wrong, and hold her... I can tell you know... nothing is more of a comfort to a girl then being in the sheltered arms of the man she loves. Then tell her that you're worried about her and you don't like seeing her like this.

Ya I keep telling her that no one can take her away from me. She is the only one for me. And that I know it. I keep reassuring her of that and she is still bothered by it. I am honestly out of ideas but to stop talking to the girl.

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 26, 2007, 03:23 PM

Oh no you are not going to give up your friend, not for a girl even if she is the one for you. Look have you tried... say wooing her? Romantic dinner? Do you plan on marrying the girl someday? If you do then tell her of your plans, just say sometime that you love her and that she's the girl you want to marry someday. Believe it or not... us girls like the mushy stuff ^.~ don't be cheesy though. :P

Raiderfan0224 · Nov 26, 2007, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Oh no you are not going to give up your friend, not for a girl even if she is the one for you. Look have you tried... say wooing her? Romantic dinner? Do you plan on marrying the girl someday? If you do then tell her of your plans, just say sometime that you love her and that she's the girl you want to marry someday. Believe it or not... us girls like the mushy stuff ^.~ don't be cheesy though. :P

believe it or not I have told her my plans of marriage. I am the romantic type so if I try to "woo" her, it would be just like any other day. I send her flowers randomly, I call her when I know she isn't going to answer to leave a sweet voicemail, I randomly show up at her work to see her. Even if the drive is 30 minutes and I get to see her for 5, stuff like that. If you have any suggestions... please let me know ;)

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 26, 2007, 03:36 PM

O.o wow... your girlfriend really is insecure... you'd think that all of the above would be a good sign that your hers... dam...

Raiderfan0224 · Nov 26, 2007, 03:41 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

O.o wow... your girlfriend really is insecure... you'd think that all of the above would be a good sign that your hers.... dam....

You well her mom does not help AT ALL. Her mom is the super that thinks that the whole world revolves around her and everyone owes her something. So basically her mom tells her that she is the cause of all the family's problems and just is constantly putting her down so I have the glorious duty of building it back up.

mafiaangel180 · Nov 27, 2007, 06:54 AM

Originally Posted by Raiderfan0224

i have been with her for almost 11 months now. You know how you get that feeling when you see someone for the first time that makes you feel just a certain way? like you know its destiny... i know for a fact that she is the one. no doubt in my mind. she gives me nothing that my girlfriend doesnt. But if you always go by that rule, not being friends with someone because your girl/boyfriend can give you that, you will have no friends period. because if your girl/boyfriend is really the one, they should give you all that you need.

What I meant by what does she give you that your girlfriend doesn't... I only asked that because you said this girl was one of your best friends. I mean, if you think your girlfriend is THE ONE, shouldn't she be your "BEST" friend? That was all I meant by that. I mean, if you call this chick your best friend in front of your girlfriend, it might hurt her because maybe your girlfriend wants to be your best friend. Ya know?

Originally Posted by Raiderfan0224

see i dont hang out with the girl alone. i hang out with her and her boyfriend and sometimes my girlfriend.

Excellent! See? Boundaries are good.

All I can say is, no, don't give up friends. Just let your girlfriend know that you got boundaries and that you respect her. It's really simple. Whenever you get confused, all you got to do is get in her shoes and determine if those same actions would hurt you. Yes, she might have insecurities, but honestly what human doesn't get a little jealous?

BiWiccanAndProud · Nov 27, 2007, 09:20 AM

Wow I have a dad like that >.< I know EXACTLY how this girl feels. Not to mention that my friends start crap too though according to them "they are just joking" -.-... I've gone off on them more then once. My boyfriend has had to do A lot for me to even think I'm pretty! He calls me beautiful and I still don't believe him! It's so surreal...

Maybe the pressure from her mom has her stressed? Or maybe she feels how I feel with my relationship, that it's too good to be true that there's a guy out there like that and she is terrified it will all just disappear. I have finally gotten over that fear but maybe she hasn't. Sounds to me like you're the best thing in her life, I think she WOULD be scared to death of losing you.

Raiderfan0224 · Dec 4, 2007, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Wow I have a dad like that >.< I know EXACTLY how this girl feels. Not to mention that my friends start crap too though according to them "they are just joking" -.-.... I've gone off on them more then once. My boyfriend has had to do ALOT for me to even think I'm pretty!! He calls me beautiful and I still don't believe him! It's so surreal...

Maybe the pressure from her mom has her stressed? Or maybe she feels how I feel with my relationship, that it's too good to be true that there's a guy out there like that and she is terrified it will all just disappear. I have finally gotten over that fear but maybe she hasn't. Sounds to me like your the best thing in her life, I think she WOULD be scared to death of losing you.

You that's exactly what it is. I mean her mom is a total when it comes to that. She is afraid of losing me and she has told me that and I keep reassuring her that there is nothing to be worried about. I don't know. Thanks a lot!

Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

What I meant by what does she give you that your girlfriend doesn't.....I only asked that because you said this girl was one of your best friends. I mean, if you think your girlfriend is THE ONE, shouldn't she be your "BEST" friend? That was all I meant by that. I mean, if you call this chick your best friend infront of your girlfriend, it might hurt her because maybe your girlfriend wants to be your best friend. Ya know?

See I don't call her my best friend in front of her. First off because like you said my girl is my best friend. I just said she is ONE OF my best friends. I have a few best friends. She just happens to be one of them.

BiWiccanAndProud · Dec 5, 2007, 07:51 PM

Anytime

talaniman · Dec 6, 2007, 12:19 PM

Unless your g/f works on her own insecurities, and lightens up, you will always be caught in the middle of her conflicts with people she percieves as a threat. Encourage her to talk this out, if not with you, then a trusted older person. This is your relationship also, so expressing how you feel, is as important as building up her sagging ego. If you don't, you will have even more problems later.

Raiderfan0224 · Dec 9, 2007, 03:48 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Unless your g/f works on her own insecurities, and lightens up, you will always be caught in the middle of her conflicts with people she percieves as a threat. Encourage her to talk this out, if not with you, then a trusted older person. This is your relationship also, so expressing how you feel, is as important as building up her sagging ego. If you don't, you will have even more problems later.

haha... older people... her talking w/ them = bad idea. Just trust me on that one. Not good for our relationship. She does talk to me, but then I have to defend myself because it's a lose lose situation. She tells me that I don't stick up for myself w/ her because I hate it when we argue and when I do she says OK well I just won't bring it up then. And I'm like no no do bring it up. (all of this of course is not yelling its talking and no sarcasm is involved, its loving talking... just fyi). And I'm constantly building her ego up bro.

Emland · Dec 9, 2007, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by Raiderfan0224

haha... older people... her talking w/ them = bad idea. just trust me on that one. not good for our relationship. she does talk to me, but then i have to defend myself because its a lose lose situation. she tells me that i dont stick up for myself w/ her because i hate it when we argue and when i do she says ok well i just wont bring it up then. and im like no no do bring it up. (all of this of course is not yelling its talking and no sarcasm is involved, its loving talking...just fyi). and im constantly building her ego up bro.

Well, if you don't want to follow tal's sound advice it looks like you are stuck with her telling you who to talk to and what to do. Maybe if your relationship progresses, she will even chew your food for you.

BiWiccanAndProud · Dec 11, 2007, 10:27 PM

Emland! *nasty glare*. Raider really I don't know what to really tell you. You are doing all a guy can do to show a woman he is true. Just continue how you guys are, hopefully she will get the hint. Maybe you could even show her your posts here on the site about the issue you guys are having. There has to be SOMETHING you can do to just open her eyes so she can see outside this little box of insecurities that is keeping her from enjoying life and you!!