[KBC]

I didn't realize I was off topic. One of my main points is that I don't have an addiction problem with opioids--at least that is what my doctors tell me. If I did, I don't think I would need to set up my computer to remind me to take the medication... I am talking about things that make me NOT want to take my medication (the thread topic) and one of those causes is the external perception that anyone using pain medications is abusing them. Ironic that you should decide that my true topic is addiction.
Asking

I didn't move that idea over to addictions because of you, I did it because that is where it belongs, we can absolutely keep this going in here,I never would tell/judge someone's use of medications as addictive behavior!(ME a recovering addict,would HATE someone if they judged me like that!! )

My sincerest apologies if that is how it came across( at the time I posted that, I had just read the update from admin about posts,perceiving our subject matter might be getting off track and trying to stay with the overall concept of AMHD )My bad.

Lets start back, If you'd like,

Ken

[J_9]

Sorry I haven't been around lately. School schedule has been extremely hectic. Will be over on Wednesday for a month. I will start working soon. I finally get to start using the procedures I have been taught. I'm very excited.

Well, back to studying for finals.

TTFN

[J_9]

Just out of curiosity, do you ever use music to medicate? I find listening to certain types of music works as well as medication under certain circumstances.

For instance, I am a hopeless romantic (shhh, don't tell anyone, I don't want my tough persona to be given away), but whenever I feel stressed or like the world is coming down... I play some positive romantic music. Well, not really romantic, but... Like, right now I am hooked on the song Her Eyes by Pat Monahan, it just tends to relax me.

[KBC]

Just out of curiosity, do you ever use music to medicate? I find listening to certain types of music works as well as medication under certain circumstances.

For instance, I am a hopeless romantic (shhh, don't tell anyone, I don't want my tough persona to be given away), but whenever I feel stressed or like the world is coming down....I play some positive romantic music. Well, not really romantic, but... Like, right now I am hooked on the song Her Eyes by Pat Monahan, it just tends to relax me.

Now that's good therapy music,

... Gemini/Capricorn... interestingly enough I am a Gemini :D

I am an oldtime rocker and of all things '80's new waver.:o , My music choices have been with tremendous memories involved(good and bad) but more to the questionable/bad.(dark side) hurt is easier a memory for me to remember than fun or happiness(wonder why?):confused:

Hope studies are going good.

Ken

[J_9]

Interesting you are gemini... No, I'm not, but for some reason it does not surprise me that you are... Let me ask you a weird question if you will... Are you eyes green? I'll tell you why I'm curious after you answer the question.

Now, I have found music to be very therapeutic... All kinds of music really, for different situations. Yes, there is what I call "mad music," you know that headbabing cr*p, but in certain circumstances I have seen it work wonders with patients.

I have studied the therapuetic effects of music and find that it can even aid the meds.

[KBC]

NOT green, Not blue, not hazel,not black,not gray, that leaves?. Brown?? (with a black ring around them)

Music soothing the savage beast huh?

Soft 80's and weird punk rock sometimes do the trick too.

[J_9]

Dang, you see I am doing some research on green eyes and physical and mental health.

You have never heard of music therapy? I'm sure you have. 80s, punk, etc... I have found every kind of music works for every person, depending upon the particular situation... Just more mental health research I am into.

**Edit**

It's not that it soothes, but actually helps relieve frustrations... kind of hard to explain, but I guess soothe will work. Releases aggravations, etc.

[KBC]

I seem to have lost asking on here,I didn't mean to offend,just a little information towards shame.Now I feel bad.

Anyway, I am Toxic(not shame this time either) been swelled up for 3 days now, went to ER and got the boot:(( typical, no insurance, no care!)So my local PDOC is out of the country till January, Also typical,and his replacement suggested the ER, did it, Now what?(can't even close my fists anymore) I stopped my AM dose of Depakote(its the one that swells me up)and I am still swelling steadily, have to see what the AM will bring,looks like a trip inpatient again.

More later today(maybe,depends on the PDOC and the hospital)

Ken

[KBC]

It has been 4 days and the swelling has diminished,it seems to come and go,slightly.

Medical doctor says it could be the tomatoes in my diet,plus salt(OK too much salt) so I cut it off,the salt that is.

Been back on the Abilify,Atarax,and Depakote,and swelling up for the winter,I should get a job as Santa this year,got the shape down for sure.

[KBC]

I am increasingly dissatisfied with the depakotes' side effects.the swelling is going on and on,medical doctors say it is just what is going to happen(I am beginning to look like a beached whale)(ORCA anyone)

Sleepy most of the time(seasonal depression) and not interested in a lot of 'normal' activities,life being one of these.I am not suicidal,just listless.

I am beginning to struggle with the meds idea again,so it is going to be question the professionals again about what to do(I am clear enough on that right now, if only I can keep a good enough attitude for their advice,then follow it.)

[J_9]

Ken, sorry I haven't been here for you lately, been busy getting Christmas ready, and about to take the kiddos to school. But will be back shortly.

[KBC]

Hello all, Merry Christmas from Illinois,

Medications are not at their all time high today,I slept for almost 5 hours last night and feel a little groggy this AM.

I have been sleeping almost 16-18 hours a day for the past few weeks,hence, the lack of posts(and responses)

My best guess,sleep too much,feel guilty for doing it, sleep 'normal' feel a little groggy,but alive anyway.

I have gained a few pounds this winter on these meds and I want to take it off soon,more activity(as Bluerose stated in another post) and less sugar in my diet(as my brother stated in his last e-mail)might just do the trick!

Anyway,just a quicky while I feel the good mood.

Ken

[simoneaugie]

Hi Ken,
Glad you had a cheerful moment. Those meds, I think that going off them is part of the disease. Can you work them into your routine so that they are not easily forgotten, tape them to the toilet flush handle, or put them in a hard container in your pillow?

My husband bought me some soap. It was on the kitchen table. I didn't know it was even there, but I was in the kitchen grinning from ear to ear. Sage soap. Well, maybe it's just me and the sage.

Sugar is both depressing and addictive. It can be harder to stay away from it this time of year.

[asking]

I went away for a while because I didn't understand what KBC was saying about addiction. I still don't, to be honest. I was just hurt and felt humiliated--bad time of year--like I had talked too much and needed to be silenced. Also, importantly, I have been trying to meet a writing deadline (still haven't finished my project.. ), plus all the extra demands that happen this time of year. I would like to get back to talking here though, as I think this stuff is important. I'm sorry for being silent.

I stumbled on a copy of Bradshaw's book about toxic shame and read some of that a couple of weeks ago. My boyfriend had it on his shelf. I still think it's apropos to this thread. It looks like our discussion is back here after all? I never did know where it went for a while. I don't understand how threads can be moved or what a sticky is. There's still a lot about Ask Me I don't get.

So anyway, about a month ago, I got a pill box for myself-- one that says Sun, Mon, Tues, on each of 7 little compartments--and it has helped me remember to take my pills a LOT!

My boyfriend who is on antidepressants also forgets whether he took his (and is really weird when he forgets.) I gave him a pillbox even though he didn't like the idea, thought it would make him feel old and decrepit.

A friend called me to wish me happy holidays yesterday and after we talked awhile, she asked if I was still on meds, and I know she disapproves of my using pain medication.

I'm glad KBC had a cheerful moment on 12/25. I can't remember if you have tried light therapy? It helps me a little if I make a point of getting out in the sunlight first thing in the morning and getting a certain number of hours of bright light each day. I haven't tried an artificial light, but I figure it can't be as good as Old Sol. But both can't be bad, yes? I hope everyone here is having happy moments and making beautiful moments.

Happy New Year!
Asking

[KBC]

Now I am dancing on glass with bare feet!

I will again say, I didn't mean to sound judgmental(that was a perception)My words were for the further discussion of shame and toxic shame to be,also, included in the addictions area.

My opinion is based on my life(addict,hence addictive thoughts,alcoholic,hence alcoholic behaviors and sensitivity to them both)I am a selfish person by nature,making all topics about ME(the most important person in the room... lol)If I saw addictive behavior, I mirrored the image unto myself and began to go off topic with the ideas of shame and toxic shame.

Truly, I didn't mean any harm, and again I apologize for any misunderstanding between us.

KEN

[asking]

KBC,
Oh! Now I get it! This is actually the first time I understood what you meant. Thanks very much for explaining again. (I think I understand. Because to me toxic shame and regular shame can apply to anything, not just addictions. They can apply to procrastination or lying or infidelity. Yes? My only addiction until now has been coffee. I am now on Fentanyl and methadone for pain control (broken back, sciatica, more), and the pain doctor and others say I am NOT an Addict, just chemically dependent, but of course society says I'm addict and I'm filled with middle class shame about that. I don't know which kind it is yet.) Anyway, put your socks on and sweep up the glass. :) I obviously have my own issues... I am probably selfish too.

It is a beautiful first day of the new year. I woke up too early -- 4 am, probably mild depresssion. So I got up then and wrote and read some, fed my cats, took a walk at 7 am, then went back to sleep from 10 am to 1.

I had this plan to go to a lower dose of medication to see if I can handle my pain without so much drug--which causes me to go into mild withdrawal every other day. I was supposed to do it next week (my plan), but it depends on finishing a chapter and I have sabotaged myself by procrastinating on the chapter. So basically, I can't do it until I do the writing job. Nobody says I have to do this, and my doctor told me last year I shouldn't rock the boat if I'm functioning and able to work. But I think MAYBE I'd work better on a loser dose of fentanyl, have fewer ups and downs every two days. No way to know without trying it though and it means taking some time off from my obligations. It's hard to plan, but I know that is just excuses.

Happy New Year!
Time for resolutions--exercise more to reduce my chronic pain, stop procrastinating, manage my kids better, get on a lower dose, and maybe earn more money. Those are mine, in that order. Do others here have any?

[KBC]

OK, my ISOLATION is in full bloom,, go figure... lol

I am totally complaint to my meds though, still this has been the best winter I have had for 20+ years now,same meds,same everything, just no winter time deep depression yet,maybe it'll just not show up this year,here's hoping!

I hope to be back in AMHD more regularly in the near future.

KBC

[J_9]

Ken, I can mildly relate.

I have quit smoking... so the nicotine withdrawal has become awful. Not just on me, but my family.

I go back on my meds next Friday. This semester is already becoming too hard. I need something to help me get over the hump. I go through this every few years, and with my father's background, I can see when I need a little extra boost.

Well, back on the Celexa and the Klonopin next week. I hope I can wake in the mornings for school.

[KBC]

Ken, I can mildly relate.

I have quit smoking....so the nicotine withdrawal has become awful. Not just on me, but my family.

I go back on my meds next Friday. This semester is already becoming too hard. I need something to help me get over the hump. I go through this every few years, and with my father's background, I can see when I need a little extra boost.

Well, back on the Celexa and the Klonopin next week. I hope I can wake in the mornings for school.

Hey, hope the meds help you,I know you understand them and use them for the right purposes.(but the stop smoking thing... ugggggh, really tough, I am routing for you!)

What is the April deadline?

Ken

[J_9]

April deadline? Oh, that, in my siggy. I am deep in school this semester, deeper than any other. I have less time now to spend with my family, thus even less time to spend here at the desk. Last day of school is April 28.

The quitting smoking has been a little tough, but with the help of the Chantix it's much easier than cold turkey. I hope the meds work too. This is a combo I have always been able to rely on with my situational anxiety, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they work again.

How have things been going for you? Days still aren't long enough I'm sure.