[AustProd6]

From a very early age I realised that everything in life is a business. Religion was my first experience. I realised that although you have faith the medium it is delivered is just a business. Look at the Catholic Church. Government, Charities everything.

So with that in mind, what about our relationships?
We have a partnership and we basically strive to better our lives and live comfortably. We strive for happy family to spread our love and a home to make us feel secure. We make love to reaffirm our devotion to the partnership.
So what happens when your spouse dumps you?
Well I view it like this.
Your spouse is an employee who has just caused a scene and resigned. If they did the bolt on you without a word, consider it as an abandanment of employment.
For those of you who have managed a business, you know how to deal with it. Like a resignation. Cause that's what it is. They gave up.
Yes it is a stressful time. However here are a few things we as managers do to get the business back into full swing.
1. Assess weather the reasons for resignation are valid or just a dummy spit.
2. Assess the value of the employee versus the impact on the business.
3. Until reinstatement or replacement we prioritise what is required to keep the business going (in this case business is your life). That means financially fix up the depts, child support, cutting costs and sacrificing. Don't be afraid of this, sometimes you are in a better situation because it made you get off your * * * * to fix things.
4. If the employee's demands are unreasonable, unjust or just an attention seeking exercise to be heard you have a choice of replacing them (Recruitement). Of course they never resign at an opportune moment, this highlights your need to negotiate. (Of course they are sensing you despairation). The last thing they expect is you to accept their resignation!
If you are in need of there services due to the situation you beg and plead and they assert their power over you and you need to chew could because of it.

Here is a tip: I rarely talk anybody out of a resignation, it is obviously a decision they have spent a lot of thought into and it wouldn't matter what I said there mind was made up. That is how I resign. No amount of money or changes to conditions occur, when I have decided to go, I go. Generally you only get one opportunity to be talked out of a resignation (particularly high performers).
5. Recruitement(Dating): Set your criteria for what you are looking for, or even if you want this person replaced. Set your criteria and stick to it. Write out what is important to you. It my case I found a far better employee (Love you Sharon you are my dream). Find somebody with the same goals, objectives and passion to get the job done (life). Find someone who will treat you respect, love kindness. (Something you offer in return).
6. Hire the right person and don't look back.

No Contact: The former employee (ex) is out to cause the most confusion and kios as they can by leaving so from the time that employee leaves do not make any contact. In any way. Like an employee they will soon be forgotten or remembered as a memory (Good or Bad) it may take you a lot of time but a good manager reacts quickly. Your new employee, if chosen correctly will definitely out perform your former employee.
If you see your former employee, your courtious and well mannered, but don't spend too much time talking about the business.
Never seek a reconection with the former employee. You no longer socialise with them.
If your former employee wants re-employment you can let them know their position has been filled, or they can return under a few conditions that may be not in their liking as you have raised your standards.
Ever been terminated or even resigned. NO ONE ever wants to be replaced or worse, forgotten. No matter what reason they left.
Never reward poor performance.
Never reward a blackmailer. (Dummy Spitter over trivial matters)
Never reward a punisher or control freak, show who is in control.
Always remain dignified and think about your decisions with a unbiased mind.
Never make a decision out of anger or hate or needeeness.
If they bad mouth you (they will) smile, grin and bare it. Like a former employee take the road that they have gone and are bitter. Let them deal with it.

The previous employee will always be looking for failure in your business so keep things close to your chest.

Friendships is just an avenue for them to be an insider on the outside.

Does this all sound heartless and cold. Well what have they just done to you.

History: my ex did a midnight flite, gutting my house while I was away. Took my 3 girls and went into hiding. My Crime? I didn't engage in an argument the morning I left. (BPD) 14th time in 18 years. ENOUGH is Enough.
The above strategy, got me through it, I am more financial, stress free, IN LOVE with someone who loves me equally and without prejudice. Ex still tries to twist the knife no matter how long ago. She is not happy because I am. Better yourself.

Someone once told me.
"water always finds it's own level".
You will find the right person for you who fits your personality perfectly, but you must log off your computer now and get out there.
Like business, sell yourself and advertise (be seen).

Think about it, those who are supervisors, managers, owners, parents. You know if your life was a business you would be a lot different.

Dedicated to Kathy my Ex (Your a flake), Sharon (Your my world who took me from the brink of insanity and made a whole new man of me who I like and you love)

[simoneaugie]

Fascinating. What would you have done if she left and you felt as if the business was gone and you, the employee was left alone. That isn't how you felt. Not how you approached it. You have good self-esteem to begin with. Just wondering if you can turn it upside down and paint it red, so to speak.

Just a hunch; she left (flakey or not) so that you and Sharon could get together. She did a good thing for you. Thank her. Remember that your ex did not like you at the end. The reason for that probably still exists, in you.

[AustProd6]

Well simoneaugie, I would say I do not have good self esteem, far from it. At work yes, definitely however, being with a Control Freak every day together ruined myself esteem. I was left alone, paying for a house I hated, that I got the silent treatment for a month until I said yes to move in, my 3 daughters were no longer around. I have not seen them since 16th July 07. Do you have kids if so I hope you know where they are?? Could you go with not seeing them. She left me with all bills because she is a bankrupt. She took everything that wasn't nailed down. I had next to nothing. 18 Years of gathering gone.
The business was gone. Well and truly. It was empty and in dire financial crisis. I had a choice, walk away and bankrupt or rebuild and prosper. It actually wasn't a choice because from day dot I paid my $1600 maintenance (Child Support) as well as everything else.
It was a matter of survival. "Get busy living or get busy dying". I was fighting the dying.
As for Sharon, I met Sharon 2 months ago for the first time. I have been split since the 17th July. Your "Hunch" is far from true. Sure your name isn't Kathy cause that's the type of misconceeded disfuntional opinion she would have. Judgements based on fears rather than fact. L:ook up Borderline Personality Disorder on Google.
Yes she did do a good thing but it took me ages to realise it (As a matter of fact until today when I decided to type this). It took me to meet Sharon to realise that there are people out there who are genuine and loving.
As for my ex not liking me in the end. She was using Emotional Blackmail to get her way on an issue. I was not letting her push my buttons. She split. How Trivial. Remember she left me 14 times to achieve her way on issues. 12 times I renegotiated her return by begging and pleading.
The answer was always in front of me, but never realised it.
One of my employee's said to me, How can such a great Business Manager allow there life go to absolute rubbish, why do I put up with it. The answer was always, because I love her so much.( I rewarded poor performance). Would you allow your best employee to act like this. The answer was NO.
I suggest simoneaugie, that the only person to change yourself esteem is YOU. You just haven't done anything about but whine that you don't have it. I suggest you start by saying to yourself "I have great Self Esteem".
I am extremely fragile however, not one of my colleagues are aware of it. It's called bluff.

[talaniman]

Great analogy. Glad you are rebuilding. But it did take you 14 times to finally overcome your own excuse. In business that will get you fired.

[AustProd6]

Your right talaniman. 200%.

[lmnotok]

This post is amazing, I'd say that I really like the way your wrote and view this, even though I have never been a heartbreaker (or just slightly) and not yet a parent but like you, I understand the meaning of my own life :d hehe