[cassandrita]

Im 20yrs old the man I have been dating for the past 10 months is 27 yrs. We are both very busy individuals with our careers. My boyfriend tends to put a lot of hours of work in because he is saving to buy his house pretty soon...

Im the type of woman that is very compromising and understanding. I don't like to come to conclusion or pass judgements before I analyse everything. However, lately I am asking myself where is our relationship going? Or do we still have one?

I live pretty far from him and island away takes around 45 min drive to get to me... I do not drive for the moment because I do not have my license yet... but I am planning to pass my exam next month because I know that me driving will help out in our couple... It feels as if I'm having a lond distance relationship because I do not see my boyfriend as much as I would want to... Before we came to an agreement that one a week was OK because I was busy with university and him with establishing his new career... But now I haven't seen my boyfriend in a month! He realizes it... he blames it on the fact that his car broke down and its going to take him time to repair it... He presently only uses his friends are family to get him around... but for work he uses the copagny truck... he cannot come see me with it because it has JPS on it so his boss knows where he drives it... I have no problem going to see him myself... but he doesn't like me taking the train to see him at night times back and forth...

We talk everyday but I seriously don't think I can continue like this anymore... I want to make it work I tell myself to be patient a little more... but I have been patient for so many other things that I don't know if I can still?

What should I do? Where is this going? Should I stay and go with the flow or leave?

[Homegirl 50]

Concentrate on school and let him do his thing. If he really wanted to spend time with you he would. Move on.

[Chery]

This only thing I can suggest here is to go with your gut feelings.

Your relationship is based on many restrictions, but if I were a man and loved the girl, I'd happy to see her more than just once a week or month... I don't have a good feeling about this, but it's your choice.

Good Luck dear, and keep us posted.

[savannak]

Don't leave him you guys will make it me and my boyfriend can't see each other either we used to see each other all the time but now we live so far away lol an acean apart but we have been together for almost 2 years we want to get married and so we deal with it don't worrie things will get better you just have tell yourself that you know you really like him or love him wich ever and that its worth it.
I hope everything works out for u

[talaniman]

Distance does put a strain on all couples, and it takes mature, committed people to deal with it. You have made no mention of commitment, and I can only assume you intend to move with him when he gets his house. If not, that lack of commitment by him has you antsy and insecure, so when talking, clear up those loopholes, and you will know where your going. Express yourself to him. Ask him, the way you have asked us, where he thinks this is headed.

[s_cianci]

That's a decision you have to make for yourself. If things are not to your satisfaction then it may be time to call it quits for a while anyhow. But, since the two of you are so busy and so far apart as it is, you probably don't have very many options available to you other than continuing to go with the flow if you do decide to stay together.

[ampersandra]

It really depends on how comfortable the both of you are with long distance relationships. I've been in one for a little more than 2 years. It ended for reasons not related to the distance, and I still consider my ex a good friend who's taught me a lot.

I think you really need to ask yourself this: Why are you questioning this relationship on the basis of distance? Is it out of worry that he may have another woman? Do you feel that he's emotionally moving away from you?

To me, it seems as if you're placing too much weight into the "distance" factor. Sure, distance can block face-to-face communication and physical intimacy. But what's next best alternative? How often do you call each other? And if you're both up for it, what about instant messaging, text messaging and using the webcam?

Distance in itself doesn't seem to be that great of an issue to me. I'm studying in a foreign country for political reasons, and some of my closest friends are still struggling at home. The greatest bond that ties any personal relationship together despite the distance is trust and communication. Likewise, the only reason you should be worrying that any personal relationship isn't working out is one or both of you are not putting much effort into communication and letting your minds rest that the other is doing well and knows how to handle things properly.

[cassandrita]

well actually I do trust him... I know exactly what he does and he is not the time to go with another... Cheating is not what is worrying me... I just don't understand him... he has his priorities mixed up... If he would really want to see me he would try the best he could...

To answer someone question yes we do talk daily... Is the relationship committed? Well I thought it was but now I'm not sure anymore with all this hapenning and my feelings to have changed towards him! But I'm still willing to go with the flow of things!

He is a nice person, nice values and all but I feel as if he is living on mars... and we have talked about it he was trying for the past 2 weeks but now I don't know...

Im not putting too much energy it in now cause I got finals for university coming up... so I try to enjoy myself without him... and see were it goes...

[talaniman]

Blunt question, Is he saving for a house to put you in it, with your name on it? Have you talked marriage? That's the commitment I'm asking about. Call me old fashioned, but those are the questions I would need answered.

[cassandrita]

Yes we have talked about marriage... but I don't think he wants to get married... He always says if I get married! But future children are definitely in the picture... so I guess there is a commitment

[talaniman]

yes we have talked about marriage...but i dont think he wants to get married....He always says if i get married! But future children are definitly in the picture...so i guess there is a commitment

It may be on your part, but no evidence of a commitment on his part, at least I can't see it, sorry. I hope you have something more concrete than giving him kids. I'm starting to see how you feel in your original post.

[Homegirl 50]

yes we have talked about marriage...but i dont think he wants to get married....He always says if i get married! But future children are definitly in the picture...so i guess there is a commitment

The fact that he wants to make babies with you, but not sure about marrying you. Does not spell commitment.

[cassandrita]

I Live in Montreal, Canada and we tend to not get married. We prefer just living together than getting married. In my case I come from a background and my bofriend to were marriage is essential, but we both don't feel that we ought to get married. It just the culture here.

[Homegirl 50]

Well you don't have to live according to culture. If you both believe there should be marriage before babies, that a commitment means marriage, then you should do it.
I don't believe in this "I love you and want to make babies, but I don't want to marry you" mess.

[talaniman]

Another thing you have not addressed, is the thing about the house he is saving for. Will you share in and own it together? Or will you make babies in HIS house? Marriage means you split everything. Living together means you get nothing.