What Do I Do?

saan · Jan 17, 2006, 11:14 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. We are the best of friends and I don't think that I could live without him. We have a perfect relationship or should I say HAD. For the past 15 months we have not been intimate in any way. This is really destroying our relationship. My boyfriend just does not want to "be" with me and even when I make the first move he rejects me. This makes me feel cheap, desperate and depressed. We spend nearly every day together and we can be very happy if I do not bring up this subject. Am I being wrong to force my boyfriend to have sex with me. Its been so long and I don't know what's his problem. Sometimes I feel he is having an affair. I think Im going crazee because I cannot go on like this. Yesterday, was my final attempt to work on our problem. It took a lot of courage and pride and I planned a romantic afternoon with candles and bubbly and set the right mood... but when he walked in all he could talk about was how much work he had to do. So I got angry and told him to get out of my life!! Now I feel like I made a mistake. Im even more depressed. Please help!! :eek:

maria26 · Jan 17, 2006, 11:54 PM

Wow.. ya I hate to tell you this but your relationship seems unhealthy. Its only normal what you want and to be rejected like that his hurtful... have you thought of couples counceling? Or talk to him.. not about sex and see where his thoughts are... maybe work is not good and his feeling un manly... maybe the problem lies with him and he wants everything perfect. You never know until you speak with him and see where his constant thoughts have been at. Hope I have helped in any way.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 18, 2006, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by saan

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. We are the best of friends and I dont think that I could live without him. We have a perfect relationship or should I say HAD. For the past 15 months we have not been intimate in any way. This is really destroying our relationship. My boyfriend just does not want to "be" with me and even when I make the first move he rejects me. This makes me feel cheap, desparate and depressed. We spend nearly every day together and we can be very happy if I do not bring up this subject. Am I being wrong to force my boyfriend to have sex with me. Its been so long and I dont know whats his problem. Sometimes I feel he is having an affair. I think Im going crazee because I cannot go on like this. Yesterday, was my final attempt to work on our problem. It took a lot of courage and pride and I planned a romantic afternoon with candles and bubbly and set the right mood.... but when he walked in all he could talk about was how much work he had to do. So I got angry and told him to get out of my life!!! Now I feel like I made a mistake. Im even more depressed. Please help!!!:eek:

Fist he could be having a problem that he is not talking to you about.

Two major aares, first get professional counseling, it can help to bring you too closer together emotionally.
Next a medical checkup to be sure there is not a medical reason he cannot perform. Often a man will start staying away from sexual contact if they have had a couple bad performace issue.

Wildcat21 · Jan 18, 2006, 01:26 PM

Yes - he needs some help. If you're with him every day then he probably isn't with some one else.

But, I wonder how needy you are - PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE - always. You may WAY to available to him and it's a big turn off.

Always - guys don't need that romace stuff - candles, bubble baths - those are woman stuff. For lack of better words... gusy want an angel in the kitchen an a slut in bed - sluty stuff.

I think pushing him away can only help figure out your relationship - you absolutely can not continue this way.

I assume he won't talk to you about - so hopefully now he HAS to realize there is a problem. And don't ever allow this to go back to the way it has been months. Never.

Don't let him back into your life until he talks about it. You have needs and if he is never interested then this is horrible.

s_cianci · Jan 19, 2006, 07:18 PM

You mention the possibility of him having an affair. Has he been emotionally distant from you as well? If so, then you have to consider the possibility. If not, then he may be having a physical problem (impotence, erectile dysfunction or whatever you want to call it) and he's been too embarrassed to seek medical attention. Have you tried coming right out and talking to him about your concerns?

saan · Jan 19, 2006, 11:27 PM

HI. Thanks for tye advice. I have not spoken to him about irrectile dysfunction or anything because I did not want to embarrass him. Do you think it is possible, he is only 28 and quiet healthy and energetic. I wonder though

CaptainForest · Jan 19, 2006, 11:31 PM

My impressions from reading your problem is that you are doing all these romantic things, but have you simply tried to sit down and talk with him about it. Just sitting down at the table and asking him point blank, "Whats wrong, why won't you have sex with me?"

I think you should try that first.

Assuming you have and he won't answer you, perhaps a therapist might be of some help for him, someone he can talk to about this.

If he won't go, then perhaps it is time for you to move on.

But first, sit him down point blank and ask him what's wrong.