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nicolieolie5990 · Dec 4, 2007, 01:44 PM

Hello All, I need some advice, I have already posted a question about my boyfriends response of me being pregnant and him wanting a perternity test. Well this one is mor ein depth...

He has been treating me like lately and has basically been stressing me out like he wants me to loose this baby. He tells me things like I'm irrisponsible but he drinks all the time. I'm a nucince, embarrassing etc.. But we don't argue half as much as we used to I am not ugly I am going to be a cute skinny pregnant girl. He tells me he is going to leave me and he can't put up with me anymore, also as well when we are around a group of friends I can be talking and laughing with them like everyone else and be accused of being a slut. Is there a reason behind this I should be aware of because I am 150% faithful. Is it really that he does not want me to have this baby when he does, he's insecure or that this is just his way of dealing with something. I can't talk to him about his drinking when he drinks for a week straight or else I get told I'm strating again.. if any of this makes any since. Also I ask you to read my last post because they will give you a little bit more info on the subjects that I have asked mainly before ?

donf · Dec 4, 2007, 02:23 PM

Nicolle,

Your boyfriends behaviour and attitude speaks directly to his long range plans for your relationship. He does not want to be married or a father and personally I would advise against marriage with this bozo. He certainly does not seem to be the type of person I would want to be married to.

His drinking is another catalyst to think about. If you believe it to be excessive now, wait until he progresses a little more. Then the abuse will also escalate and may turn violent.

I read your other question and I'm concerned that he may be doing things to force a spontaneous abortion so he can get away from you and his responsibilities to you and the baby.

My suggestions are to start gathering all of the descripitive information on bozo as soon as you can. Also, ask him if he really believe that he is not the father and if he asks for a paternity test again get one as fast as you can. But use the your local state agency for the testing. You want a public record. You will want to move immeadiatley for child support from bozo.

You also want the protection from harm that the State can offer you, remember you are responsible for yourself and the wellbeing of the life you are carrying.

mustang0529 · Dec 6, 2007, 10:46 AM

Listen don't worry about too much my b.f has the same problem!! Pretty much the men go threw the same stuff we do emotionally!! They want the child they do but sometimes its realli hard for them to think that they might be trapped but realli they love you so much they say things they don't mean!! Pretty much its like there pregnant themselves but not actually! Don't worry about it too much men usually come around!!

LearningAsIGo · Dec 6, 2007, 12:01 PM

Your boyfriend is verbally and emotionally abusive. No matter what his feelings are, it is no excuse to treat the mother of his child so poorly. You deserve better and so does the child you are carrying.

What you will learn with age is men who TRULY love you do NOT treat you in such ways. A man who loved and respected you would not want a paternity test and certainly would not call you a slut and try to belittle you in such a pathetic way.

Don is correct. When a man (or woman) starts drinking with emotional/verbal abuse, it very often escalates and becomes physically violent. It sounds very clear that he does not want this baby -- and he is in need of professional help for his drinking and abusive outburts. This is a very serious situation, not something that will change overnight.

I know it may seem hard, but you need to distance yourself from him. This isn't just about you anymore, you have a child to protect.

Good luck.

LinnyBug · Dec 6, 2007, 02:43 PM

I have to agree with LearningAsIGo. I just recently learned that I was pregnant as well and my boyfriend has taken quite a different stride then yours. He really stepped up to being a father and proposed to me (we were wanting to marry anyways) and is already making plans to secure a future together.

It sounds like your boyfriend isn't ready to be a dad, a husband or in a serious relationship for that matter. It sounds like he's trying to make you leave him so that he doesn't feel responsible for not being there for you. And in all honesty, that might be the best idea. You have to think about what's best for your child now and not rely and consider how much you love this man. Think about it, if he's already treating you and his unborn child like this, what's it going to be like when he needs to help take care of the baby.

Just always remember that just because you love someone with all you have doesn't make them treat you the same way.

mustang0529 · Dec 6, 2007, 03:31 PM

I'm sorrry I'm trying to help her out not scare her!! And no my relationship is fine everyone has some difficulties!! But drinking that is something different!! But all men go threw the same emotional!!

They all have emotional problems if he's telling you all the time that he doesn't want the child and he shows no intreased in you or having the baby then you should think about you and the baby first!!

LearningAsIGo · Dec 7, 2007, 06:12 AM

Originally Posted by mustang0529

im sorrry im tring to help her out not scare her!!! and no my relationship is fine everyone has some difficulties!!! but drinking that is something different!!! but all men go threw the same emotional!!!!

You are missing the point. YES, men have emotions to deal with in pregnancy! The point is HOW they deal with those emotions. Using them to hurt other people is NOT okay and the men who do those things are the men that rarely overcome that behavior.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 7, 2007, 06:27 AM

You deserve to be treated with respect, IF he is calling you a slut, talking about how you look, separate from him until he is willing to treat you properly, you deserve a lot better than he is doing and he needs to be told so. Allowing and putting up with this behavior is not healthy for anyone.

And most men don't act this way, he is being selfish and childish and abusive, and needs to be told to stop and grow up.

mustang0529 · Dec 7, 2007, 11:37 AM

Well I no I have nothing to worry about because if he were to be like that he no's that I would leave rite away with my child... u just have to be strong enough to say I don't need you if your going to put me and the baby threw this!! A lot of the time they come around I no a lot of people who have been threw the same and there more in love then ever with there children!! So I'm sorry to say a lot of men argue and like to get there point threw!! I sure no that but I no my b.f would never hurt me or his child but if your b.f is the type to be abusive then I would say you should think about you and the baby's safety and get out of it!! Its not worth it getting stressed out all the time... my point is what I'm trying to tell you guys that men do change and there is nothing that you guys can tell me other wise because I've seen boys change to men!! A lot of the time they just need some time to grow up and there much better people then they were before!!

mjl · Dec 7, 2007, 02:42 PM

You said mustang, that "they need time to grow up..." I don't mean to be bold but don't you think that a man should act like a MAN before even taking the chance of becoming a father.

mustang0529 · Dec 7, 2007, 04:37 PM

Well if its unplanned and at a young age they have no time they have to grow up rite away so it sort of scares them that's what I have been trying to tell you guys!! If there a teen yah there not expecting to have a child this yound things just happen and then you need to give them some time on there own to grow up!!

mustang0529 · Dec 7, 2007, 04:43 PM

Yah when your man they should have already had the chance to grow up!! But when your a teen expecting a child you have no other choice but to grow up so it sort of scares them in a way!! Listen I am not here to argue with anyone so I am done trying to get my point across to you guys because there's no use all I no is that I have seen a lot of people that had to grow up because they had no choice and yah I think every relationship isn't perfect can you honestly tell me that even if your not pregnant that you can never have a fight with your man like seriousely this is non sense especially when you are pregnant because they realize they have to grow up.. but all relationships everyone is going to have a fight!! Just because your pregnant that doesn't make a difference yah your caring there child but still when your pregnant you say a lot of things that you don't mean because of your hormones and what are the guys suppose to sit there and shut up there going to try to defend themselves yah I don't believe it is rite for a man to talk to a woman like a piece of trash but if a man is doing that to the women they shouldn't stay with them just because of a child!!

mjl · Dec 7, 2007, 05:30 PM

I agree but what I was trying to say is that if your not ready to have a child your not ready to have sex...
You said in post #11 "...this young things just happen..." You don't accidentally get pregnant by accidentally having sex you know.

mustang0529 · Dec 7, 2007, 05:40 PM

No and u are rite that's tru!! People make mistakes and they can only learn from it at the time that the test comes back positive!!

connie-mom · Dec 7, 2007, 06:00 PM

Ok first I think you are all right some men do change its just scarey as hell to think oh my god I am going to be a dad but other are right in saying if he is hurtting you leave don't give him a chance to hurt the baby or you if he can change he can do it while you are in a safe place.. and if he can't well move on with your child.. I will say if he wants to change he will and if he don't he won't but he must do this on his own so he keeps to his change.. but please don't stay because he say "oh I love you don't take my kid away bla bla bla or what ever leave and give him an ultamatem change or go away(if he is abusive) you don't need child protection services involved because he is being abusive or a drunk.. I hope you all the best.

connie-mom · Dec 7, 2007, 06:11 PM

And mustang hunny calm down some people just can't see change in people when they are being abusive all they see is the bad other can see alternatives to things like us we see things in a big picture and know that being a guy it can be scarry but mjl is right it don't give him no right to put his hands on her but it also don't mean he can't change

But mustange calm down just express what you think and try to express what you feel no matter what other say you are here to help her out not anyone else everyone is intittled to their oppinon

hammieslove · Dec 7, 2007, 10:36 PM

Originally Posted by nicolieolie5990

Hello All, I need some advice, i have already posted a question about my boyfriends response of me being pregnant and him wanting a perternity test. well this one is mor ein depth...

He has been treating me like lately and has basically been stressing me out like he wants me to loose this baby. He tells me things like I'm irrisponsible but he drinks all the time. I'm a nucince, embarrassing ect.. but we dont argue half as much as we used to i am not ugly i am going to be a cute skinny pregnant girl. He tells me he is going to leave me and he can't put up with me anymore, also as well when we are around a group of friends i can be talking and laughing with them like everyone else and be accused of being a slut. is there a reason behind this i should be aware of bc i am 150% faithful. Is it really that he does not want me to have this baby when he does, he's insecure or that this is just his way of dealing with something. I can't talk to him about his drinking when he drinks for a week straight or else i get told i'm strating again.. if any of this makes any since. also i ask you to read my last post bc they will give you a little bit more info on the subjects that i have asked mainly before ?

I say tell him its not his choice its mine. If I want to have a child I can and that's final.
I'm not the 1 who drinks and u think I'm irresponsible.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 7, 2007, 10:50 PM

I told you in your other post, this guy is not thrilled with the concept of this child and wants to be rid of you.
Let him be, just make sure he pays child support.

savannak · Dec 7, 2007, 11:15 PM

You should not be treated like that you know what if he had the time to help you make the baby he should have the time to help you take care of it... that's just stupid he is stupid and imature and you should leave him you don't need him to help you raise your baby as long as you have a good education and family to support you that's all you need don't listen to what he says or what he thinks if I was you I would tell him to go eff himself... hope everything works out bye

confusedmomof2 · Dec 9, 2007, 08:46 AM

I say you should get out while you can! If it's meant to be he'll straighten up(highly doubt it) it happens though! But you need to get support from your parents grandparents friends other people and don't even talk to him! Even if he says he's changed, anyone can act different for a little while! If you can't even talk to him about his drinking, how could you talk to him about anything else! You sound really young! A lot of things are yet to come! There are plenty of guys out there that would love you with or without kids and probably love to be a role model for your childand take it in like his own! Pray about your decision, you;ll figure it out! Good Luck!