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life_worries · Dec 3, 2007, 11:01 AM

I'm 21 and with a 22 year old. I'm a very insecure female, with absolutely no self confidence and I'm also a rather private person. Sadly I've messed this guy around, I've said I would date him, the freaked out as I'm scared of commitment, then met up with him again and let him down. This time we are really together and I'm determined not to back out this time. I do really like him and always have done, but the idea of a relationship scares me. He does make me feel comfortable and gives me loads of compliments, and treats me with respect and is really kind and caring. One difference between us is he has had past relationships and so I feel that I'm too inexperienced for him. I think he is probably quite a sexual guy (as a lot are which I appreciate) he says he would never push me and would always treat me with respect, but sometimes I worry that perhaps it mentions it too much for my liking. I really want it to work, and when I see him its great. I know things should and will hopefully get easier, I just worry too much about everything. I am really scared that he may use me for sex though, but given the way I am, I don't see how because he knows of my inexperience. I do feel close to him, I do trust him, we are always texting or on the phone or together and its great, but deep down I think ym insecurities show through because I don't like myself I can't see how anyone could like me, therefore that why I feel he may use me for sex. Hhow can you tell if that's true? Please help

Rockstar714 · Dec 3, 2007, 11:20 AM

He's in a relationship with you, so that's reason number one for not using you for sex. You said you guys text and talk all the time, that's number two. I have been around guys that wanted to use me for sex. Its an occasional phone call or text message and its generally sex related like "i want you so bad" or something like that. They never compliment or any of the fun stuff. I think you should just take a deep breath and appreciate this guy for who he is.

life_worries · Dec 3, 2007, 11:26 AM

I do appreciate him a lot, and although it may not come across like that I do, its just because I worry too much. Thing is he does quite often talk about sex, and I have in the past received messages such as I want you so bad, or I need you, and I've had a few dirty ones too. I accept this s normal as we are in a relationship and I do really like him, but I think I just fear once I give him sex, there will be nothing else to the relationship. Maybe I just think and worry too much. Is that something I could tell him, that I'm worried its all about sex, I don't want him to flip on me, not that he does.

Bluerose · Dec 3, 2007, 11:37 AM

life_worries,

I agree with Rockstar714, he sounds okay and the text thing just sounds like a bit of fun, some harmless teasing. But if you are uncomfortable with any of it, you should tell him. If he is willing to slow it down a bit then you'll know he does care about you. I think you might need to relax a little, but at the same time pay attention to your instincts. If at anytime you feel particularly uncomfortable with anything he says or does, simply ask him to slow down or stop whatever it is that makes you feel uncomfortable.

You could also try not having sex with him for a week or two. That's one hell fired way to find out if all he wants is sex.