[mjl]

So this is a confusing question. I am 21 years old. I haven't gone to college yet because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to be so I'm waiting to figure it all out before I spend all that money!
My husband and I want to have kids young, and by young I mean before I'm 25 I want to have my first. But I still want to go to college...
When I have kids I want to be a stay at home mom until they go to school so I was thinking of waiting to go to college until they go to school, and I will go to college at the same time. Has anyone of you guys done that? Is it hard to balance all of that at once. Or perhaps getting pregnant while in college?
I don't want to go to college first and then have kids because then I would be just taking all that time off before starting a job to stay at home with my kids. No one would probably hire me if I went to college then took a few years off with no working experience after college.

So my question is: Is it hard to go to college when you have kids that are elemantary school aged. Or, should I start having babies while in college?

[J_9]

It all really depends on what you are going to college for.

I have 4 children (2 still at home ages 14 and 5), while taking my prerequisites life was pretty simple and easy. Now that I am in nursing school, with a 5 year old, life is rather stressful to say the least.

You are still young, you can wait to go back to school if this is what you wish. I did not go back until I was 39, which is actually the norm these days.

[macksmom]

Well I was in college when I had my daughter. I quit at the time because there was a lot going on. Once she was born, and she was about 1 1/2 I started medical assisting school at night. It was stressful, and I missed a lot because I would work during the day, then take her to my moms while I went to school at night. I missed her first steps, potty etc.

After graduating medical assisting school I took a year off then went back to college. Again, I took night classes. It wasn't too hard that time because she was a bit older. But then due to some medical issues with her, I had to quit again and stay home with her. I stayed with her during the day and took her to my moms while I worked at night.

This is her first year in kindergarten. My husband works during the day and takes night classes and I had enrolled for day classes to take while she was in school. But again her health issues flared and I had to postpone my schooling.

My husband is very close to graduating, so I think we have decided to wait until he graduates, then I will take night classes... that way I can be home during the day in case she is sick or anything, and then I will take night classes... that way one of us is home with her all the time.

So you just have to weigh your options and see what would work better for you and your family.

[bekah876]

There are always online classes that you can take. That way you are still at home and can do your school work when you have the time. If I were you I would enroll in college now. Once you get pregnant you can keep going to school then when the baby comes you can start taking classes online or some night classes. If you keep putting college off you might never do it.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would also say why have you really waited ? The first couple years of most college are basic classes, math, english, required science Even ifyou don't take anything toward a major you can still get all of your basic required classes out of the way.

Next is it hard, of course it is hard, it is hard to raise kids without going to college, will you have to work, and go to school and raise kids ?
What have you being doing the last couple of years ? Do you work ?

If you want something, really want it, you do what has to be done.

[Chery]

In the world today, there is no guarantee for anyone's future whether they go to college or not. My daughter is 32 and I'm glad she's here and proud of her. I passed my last exam at the age of 49-50. My daughter has a good job, a man in the military and a wonderful 15 month old son who was not planned, but she could not be happier. She is taking correspondence courses in her field and plans on owning her own hotel some day.

I had my career planned until my body said different plans were in the making, but my daughter is the greatest gift in the world to me, and my grandson the second greatest.. even though I'm jobless and sick now. Nothing in the world can take that away from me.

I think deep down in your heart that you have already made your choice, and that you should dream your dream, achieve your goals and deserve the happiness you want now.

Wishing you all the best of what's important to YOU with your husband's support.

[s_cianci]

Going to college is much easier when you have no ties to any children or spouse.

[mjl]

Fr_chuck, of course I work! As I have already stated, I haven't gone to college yet because I couldn't make up my mind of what I wanted to do. I'm not going to spend all that money going to college and then end up changing my mind right!

Bekah876: that is a good idea, and I have thought about it, but I have decided that I want to go to a real university so I can experience what all university has to offer.

[mjl]

Also another reason why I haven't started yet is because my husband is in the military and we have a few long distance moves ahead of us, and I don't feel like going through all the trouble of having to transfer from university to university. I know this time in about 2 years we will be settled and I can start then.

[mjl]

Fr_chuck, I didn't take those basic university courses cause out of high school I was accepted into community college to take aircraft maintenance but the course was canceled at the last minute because there wasn't enough students applied for it. My second option was doing aircraft matenance in the military which was my dad's choice for me, but I didn't want to join the military (I'm too much of a girly girl!). So then I got married. I am leaning more on decided to go to university instead of community college. I'm thinking about taking women studies but haven't decided completely yet.

[Chery]

Also another reason why I haven't started yet is because my husband is in the military and we have a few long distance moves ahead of us, and I don't feel like going through all the trouble of having to transfer from university to university. I know this time in about 2 years we will be settled and I can start then.

We were in the military stationed in Georgia when I had my daughter and it only cost me 7.00 dollars a day to deliver her and spend three days in hospital, I was also a complicated pregnancy due to heart defect and had to see an OB and Cardiologist once a week - can you imagine the cost in 'civilian life'? My sister-in-law was still paying for her first when she was PG with her second baby.

It might cost a little more now, but Tricare and other insurance is a lot cheaper than if you had a baby after discharge from the military. And since you'd be moving around for at least two more years, what better time to be a stay at home Mom in the most influential period of a baby's life? Just giving you food for thought about your options. Check out the guidelines for medical care for family members at your nearest military base, they will have loads of information for you. During your home-time you can explore subjects and take your time in making a choice of subjects and universities too. Just in case you start that family..

It's all your choice, and options are there.

Edit - military and their spouses here in Germany enroll in the University of Maryland for many courses and credits that are later accepted in any other university.

[NowWhat]

I didn't go to college. I couldn't afford it, plus I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I got married at 22 and the plan was to have a house then a baby by the time I turned 25. I had a decent, "professional" job when I got pregnant at 27. When my daughter was born, I became a stay at home mom. It was hard on one hand, because there wasn't a lot of adult interaction for me. But on the other hand, the pay off was huge. I wouldn't trade it for a minute.
Now she is 7. I thought I would go back to school when she started school full time. I had decided I wanted to be a physical therapist. But, life stepped in and had other plans for me.
It was time to go back to work. I looked for over a year for something, anything! I think employers had a hard time with my absence from the work force for 7 years. Finally, I got a job this summer.
After being the driving force in your child's life, it is hard to give it up. I was head room mom in her class and got to go on field trips. I was there for everything. Now, I have missed parties, don't have the time to commit to being room mom. My husband has turned into a girl scouts dad because I am working when they have trips planned.

It is a give and take. I would not put off anything though, you never know what life has enstore for you around the corner.

[blackwolf-kaida]

Mji, right now I'm 21 soon to be 22. Here's what I did/am doing. I attend an online school in Colorado for criminal justice. Mine is in the military as well the army. All the moves are hard enough let alone factoring a university in with it. That's why I decided to do schooling online. I tried an actual university but was there 3 months an had to get a transfer. It just got too much of a hassel.

[Wondergirl]

No one would probably hire me if I went to college then took a few years off with no working experience after college.

Wow! I got my college degree, then got married, then I was home for 12 years raising kids, and then, when they were in school all day, I got a good job the day after I applied.

I say get the college degree now. I never would have had time to do it while I was raising kids. And I probably would have found a nothing job after they were in school and wouldn't have cared about college any longer.

Companies love moms who have college degrees who have been home raising kids and doing all that entails with juggling finances, workloads, and schedules.

[mjl]

I don't know what country you are from, but here in Canada, the military works with the entire family not just with the one person who is working for them. What I mean by this is, when we move to a base my husband just tells them that his wife is attending university for X years and we need to stay at this base until she finishes. Then they actually will try their best at making sure that our family stays there until I'm finished. Each military base has a Military Family Resource Centre that deals with that kind of stuff. For the next 2 years or so they can't do this cause of the nature of his work, but when it is possible they try to make everything work out right for the whole family.

[mjl]

Why is it that they love moms who have been staying home? I just figured that employers like people who have a lot of experience. I figured that they'd think after 12 years, they'd rather hire someone right out of college so that they are fresher on the knowledge. I'm just confused that's all.

[NowWhat]

I want to know that too. :) It took forever to get back into the workforce. And I always got questioned on my ability to come back to work after being gone for so long.

Maybe it was just me...

[Wondergirl]

Stay-at-home moms become experts at all sorts of things like I had mentioned in my earlier response. Of course, if all she does is lie on the couch and eat chocolate bon-bons...

If a stay-at-home mom really thinks about all she has done and markets herself accordingly, there shouldn't be a problem (unless the job market itself is in bad shape).

[Wondergirl]

I always got questioned on my ability to come back to work after being gone for so long.

And that's the perfect opportunity to sell yourself as an all-round mover and shaker -- fantastic scheduler, independent worker, self-starter, cool head in emergencies, logical thinker, problem-solver, analytical whiz, etc.

[Emland]

mjl: have you checked out St. Leo University? Accredited Online Degrees - Business Administration, Accounting & Criminal Justice :: Saint Leo University

You can get an accredited degree online at home. I finished my bachelors in business management last December. I work full time and have 2 kids - and it was demanding, but doable. You could get your degree and raise your kids. If you time it right, you will finish your degree right before your first child goes off to 1st grade.

St. Leo offers discounts to active duty military and spouses.