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nancyfiat · Nov 25, 2007, 08:02 AM

How in the world do you deal with anothers constant complaing whining and self pity when they are a roverving addict?

excon · Nov 25, 2007, 08:19 AM

Hello nancy:

Wear earphones.

excon

shygrneyzs · Nov 25, 2007, 08:56 AM

Do you mean recovering addict? How do you deal with it? How did you deal with that before the person was in recovery? I hate to say this, but someone who is whining, constantly complaining and into holding pity parties for himself, is NOT recovering very well.

Do not attend these parties anymore. By that I mean you walk away, quit listening, quit supporting this behavior, and quit enabling this person to keep his attitude going. When he starts in, that is when you open your mouth and say, "knock it off, I have heard it all before and am not interested until you can be constructive." If he keeps on, do turn around and walk away. If this is a work relationship - go into your office and close the door. If this is a personal relationship - go into another room or outside the residence.

Sooner or later he will understand that his rants are not getting him what he wants. Maybe he might even grow up a bit and really start a decent recovery. Is he in rehab counseling? Or something like AA or NA?
Alcoholics Anonymous
Narcotics Anonymous, NA, homepage

N0help4u · Nov 25, 2007, 09:26 AM

When he starts, interrupt with a sympathetic "yeah we all have our problems" and "it is good to get help with your problems" and/or start giving him advise on things to take care of his problems and then when he starts again interrupt with "Did you try ANY of the advise I gave you?"

Choux · Nov 25, 2007, 07:29 PM

Why can't you sever the relationship? This is a losing situation for you no matter what happens.

Good Luck!

TzAngels · Nov 25, 2007, 08:32 PM

Whining and self pity are not listed in the 12 steps. Someone who wants to complain and blame is in denial not recovery. People truly in recovery realize that THEY are the cause of their addiction not anyone or anything else.

In my opinion, you can quit "cosigning the BS" and let your friend know that you will be there to support them when they decide they truly want recovery. It is a hard thing to do but you need to know that sometimes reality and feeling totally alone is the best wake up for an addict. Then they can possibly "process" what everyone says and learn how the program really works.

I am an addict (clean for 7 years in January)

Good luck

Tz