[chris28]

Ok so as much as the breakup goes its almost 2 months, I do not know if this is normal but the only thing that bothers me most is that she doesn't call attempt to contact me at all. Now I guess that probably is a good thing but I'm just hung up on the fact that it really wasn't that bad we didn't fight yes we had out difference but it wasn't the worst... I don't even mind being alone anymore. I kind of thing it's a confidence issue that's the root of my problem. I wonder at times if she's not contacting me was I that bad at being a b/f?? Will things go in my way?? What's wrong with mee...

Since 2 months have almost past I feel very healed in a lot of ways. But when or how can I can past the feeling maybee it was me and I'm not worth it?

[Caralyn]

It sounds to me like you didn’t get closure. You didn’t get the chance to discuss the end of the relationship, or why it broke up. After two months I don’t think that is possible now. I think you should simply chalk it up as a lesson learned, stop beating yourself up, and move on with your life. Keeping in mind that it is important to sit down calmly and go through the reasons for the break up, and accept that it is over. Easier said than done I know. But if you can accept that it just wasn’t meant to be, you will save yourself a lot of pain and sadness. How long were you together? Sometimes when people hurt too much after the break up of a relationship, depending on how long they were together, it’s usually because one of them was over committed and one of them was under committed. Just my thoughts on your post. I hope everything works out for you in the future. :)

[chris28]

It sounds to me like you didn’t get closure. You didn’t get the chance to discuss the end of the relationship, or why it broke up. After two months I don’t think that is possible now. I think you should simply chalk it up as a lesson learned, stop beating yourself up, and move on with your life. Keeping in mind that it is important to sit down calmly and go through the reasons for the break up, and accept that it is over. Easier said than done I know. But if you can accept that it just wasn’t meant to be, you will save yourself a lot of pain and sadness. How long were you together? Sometimes when people hurt too much after the break up of a relationship, depending on how long they were together, it’s usually because one of them was over committed and one of them was under committed. Just my thoughts on your post. I hope everything works out for you in the future. :)

Well you could be onto something we were togethor for 2 months less then 3 years. I think I might have took it more serious I say that because she broke up with me and hasn't called other then to get her things and I dropped them off at her friends house but that was way in the beginning. I took our relationship like everything was so she really never complain never told me that she wasn't happy. I mean I new there were things she wanted I coudnt do and we not be right for each other but never thought it would lead to a break up this fast. Also sometimes I felt like I was not get as much out from the relationship that I should have been. Its funny to hear myself say that because it makes it right that we are not togethor I guess like I was saying before I'm just nervous of any future relationships..

If that makes any sense.

[kuulski]

Ok so as much as the breakup goes its almost 2 months, I do not know if this is normal but the only thing that bothers me most is that she doesnt call attempt to contact me at all. Now I guess that probably is a good thing but im just hung up on the fact that it really wasnt that bad we didnt fight yes we had out difference but it wasnt the worst... I dont even mind being alone anymore. I kind of thing its a confidence issue thats the root of my problem. I wonder at times if shes not contacting me was I that bad at being a b/f??????? Will things go in my way??? whats wrong with mee....

Since 2 months have almost past I feel very healed in alot of ways. But when or how can I can past the feeling maybee it was me and im not worth it??

I can relate to your feelings. Me and my ex were together for 2 years broke up in June went NC in August. She has made no attempts to call me "That I know Of" I say that cause there has been some suspicious behavior like weird calls to my Direct line at work which nobody has except for my daughter and a couple family members. It is about to be 3 months of NC for me and I too had feelings of sadness cause she didn't try to contact and it made me question my Value in the situation. What I realized is its her loss she may not realize now but in my situation I truly believe now that it is her loss. I did everything I could do to make the situation work tried to talk it out and tried to reach out to her so I could understand. She basically is spoiled and use to everything being given to her. I am not going to say it wouldn't work I am going to say it would take some serious maturing on her part for it to work. I believe now that I lowered some of my own standards when me and her got together one of the main things is the Money issue. I grew up in a poor home and so did she but I learned the lessons that she never learned. I have my own home a good job and custody of my only child. When we were together I constantly tried to bring myself up to her level feeling that the $500 bags and dining out every other day was what I was and it isn't. Don't get me wrong I like nice things but I don't use them to gauge my value which is what I feel she does. Its sad and depressing but also not my problem anymore which is a huge relief lol. Sorry for the blog response long weekend just felt like venting lol!

[Caralyn]

Chris,

I know it sounds tough but most of the discomfort comes from the forced changes we have to put up with after a break-up. We miss the person, we miss the things we did together. This is why a break-up leaves us feeling like we are grieving. Then there’s all the doubts about what we did and didn't do. We really beat ourselves up over that one.

She may not have told you she was unhappy but I'm sure there must have been some signs, we might see them and fail to realise how serious things are. If we were mind readers it would be great! But we're not. So we have to pay attention, work at the relationship, and sit down occasionally and talk about how we really feel and what we really want out of the relation ship. We don‘t communicate enough.

As for not getting as much out of the relationship that you should have been. It's all about give and take, the more you give the more you get back. If you feel you are not getting enough back from the relationship, even after you have done all you can to make it work, then you can take that as a serious sign that something isn't quite right. Look for the signs.

One more thing. Avoid having preconceived ideas about your next relationship. Don't take any old relationship baggage with you. When that new relationship comes along, be your honest self, have realistic expectations, and go with the flow allowing the relationship to unfold as it should.

I hope some of this helps you in future relationships. :)

[chris28]

Chris,

I know it sounds tough but most of the discomfort comes from the forced changes we have to put up with after a break-up. We miss the person, we miss the things we did together. This is why a break-up leaves us feeling like we are grieving. Then there’s all the doubts about what we did and didn't do. We really beat ourselves up over that one.

She may not have told you she was unhappy but I'm sure there must have been some signs, we might see them and fail to realise how serious things are. If we were mind readers it would be great! But we're not. So we have to pay attention, work at the relationship, and sit down occasionally and talk about how we really feel and what we really want out of the relation ship. We don‘t communicate enough.

As for not getting as much out of the relationship that you should have been. It's all about give and take, the more you give the more you get back. If you feel you are not getting enough back from the relationship, even after you have done all you can to make it work, then you can take that as a serious sign that something isn't quite right. Look for the signs.

One more thing. Avoid having preconceived ideas about your next relationship. Don't take any old relationship baggage with you. When that new relationship comes along, be your honest self, have realistic expectations, and go with the flow allowing the relationship to unfold as it should.

I hope some of this helps you in future relationships. :)

I think you right. There were certain signs there some I didn't want to see. There were some I saw that I pushed of as not that important but seems like they were more important then I let off. But yes this is great advice and it is hard.

[chris28]

I can relate to your feelings. Me and my ex were together for 2 years broke up in june went NC in august. She has made no attempts to call me "That I know Of" I say that cause there has been some suspicious behavior like weird calls to my Direct line at work which nobody has except for my daughter and a couple family members. It is about to be 3 months of NC for me and I too had feelings of sadness cause she didnt try to contact and it made me question my Value in the situation. What I realized is its her loss she may not realize now but in my situation I truly believe now that it is her loss. I did everything I could do to make the situation work tried to talk it out and tried to reach out to her so I could understand. She basically is spoiled and use to everthing being given to her. I am not going to say it wouldnt work I am going to say it would take some serious maturing on her part for it to work. I believe now that I lowered some of my own standards when me and her got together one of the main things is the Money issue. I grew up in a poor home and so did she but I learned the lessons that she never learned. I have my own home a good job and custody of my only child. When we were together I constantly tried to bring myself up to her level feeling that the $500 bags and dining out every other day was what I was and it isnt. Dont get me wrong I like nice things but I dont use them to gauge my value which is what I feel she does. Its sad and depressing but also not my problem anymore which is a huge relief lol. Sorry for the blog response long weekend just felt like venting lol!

Sounds like we have a similar situation my ex was like that except she has a family that has a good amount of money. Her parents are hard workers they went to school and are making great money more power to them. In the relationship things went sour I think because me and her are from 2 pretty different works and that had a lot to do with it. 1 the things she wanted to do I could not afford and 2 she was very spoiled she wanted what she wanted when she wanted it and if things weren't going her way she would make it like it wasn't there and walk away..,.

I just want this lonely feeling to go away. I would love to meet a lot of great new people for future friends shipss/..

Hey anyone in here live near brooklyn ny??

[madaman]

As twisted as it sounds, it makes me feel better to know there are other people feeling the exact way I do right now. Sometimes I start to wonder if its just me and if my mind is broken... but seeing posts like this make me realize its just a stage of the grieving.

One day we are going to be through all this bs.

[kuulski]

Sounds like we have a similar situation my ex was like that except she has a family that has a good amount of money. Her parents are hard workers they went to school and are making great money more power to them. In the relationship things went sour I think because me and her are from 2 pretty different works and that had alot to do with it. 1 the things she wanted to do I could not afford and 2 she was very spoiled she wanted what she wanted when she wanted it and if things werent going her way she would make it like it wasnt there and walk away.,.......

I just want this lonely feeling to go away. I would love to meet alot of great new people for future friends shipss/..

Hey anyone in here live near brooklyn ny????

Wow sounds very similar! She did you a favor.
I know its hard but keep your eye on the prize which is NC for MONTHS!
IF you break NC don't beat yourself up but understand that the longer you don't
Maintain the NC the harder it will be!

GOOD LUCK!

[chris28]

Wow sounds very similar! She did you a favor.
I know its hard but keep your eye on the prize which is NC for MONTHS!
IF you break NC dont beat youself up but understand that the longer you dont
maintain the NC the harder it will be!

GOOD LUCK!

You Sometimes I'm fine with NC and sometimes I just have to fight picking up the phone and calling her... It is hard but it is for the best in the end... Sucks being alone on the holidays but I think that's what's bothering me today.

[kuulski]

ya Sometimes im fine with NC and sometimes I just have to fight picking up the phone and calling her.... It is hard but it is for the best in the end..... Sucks being alone on the holidays but I think thats whats bothering me 2day.

Yea I have been in the same mood lol!

I started talking to a couple chicks recently but to be honest its kind of weird

I don't really have any energy or interest.

I know I am 75 Percent there just waiting for the final polish so I can

Truly stand up :>)

[chris28]

Yea I have been in the same mood lol!

I started talkin 2 a couple chicks recently but to be honest its kind of weird

I dont really have any energy or interest.

I know I am 75 Percent there just waitin for the final polish so I can

truly stand up :>)

\

Yup I met some girl and I would love to get to know her better its just sooo hard I don't have no drive at all to keep in contact or make definite plans its so weird... Yet I do not want to be alone go figure lol...


So were are you from? And how old is she and urselff..


I am 28 and she was 23 . Wonder if that had anything to do with it!

[chris28]

Yea I have been in the same mood lol!

I started talkin 2 a couple chicks recently but to be honest its kind of weird

I dont really have any energy or interest.

I know I am 75 Percent there just waitin for the final polish so I can

truly stand up :>)

\

Yup I met some girl and I would love to get to know her better its just sooo hard I don't have no drive at all to keep in contact or make definite plans its so weird... Yet I do not want to be alone go figure lol...


So were are you from? And how old is she and urselff..


I am 28 and she was 23 . Wonder if that had anything to do with it!

[chris08]

[QUOTE=chris28]\

Yup I met some girl and I would love to get to know her better its just sooo hard I don't have no drive at all to keep in contact or make definite plans its so weird... Yet I do not want to be alone go figure lol... [QUOTE]

Isn't the only one.

[kuulski]

\

yup I met some girl and I would love to get to know her better its just sooo hard I dont have no drive at all to keep in contact or make definate plans its soo weird.....Yet I do not want to be alone go figure lol....


So were are you from?? and how old is she and urselff..


I am 28 and she was 23 . Wonder if that had anything to do with it!

She is 29 and I am 31

I don't think age has much to do with it. In my case I think she valued material things allot

and she placed her own value in them. I am not a materialistic person myself so I

accepted that thinking it could work. The issue I realize is not only is she materialistic but

she can't even afford the lifestyle she wanted. So that being said she did me favor. I don't

think its unfixable just don't see her fixing it :>)

[chris08]

I'm only 21 and I felt like my life was over when my ex left me, can you believe that.

[kuulski]

I'm only 21 and i felt like my life was over when my ex left me, can you believe that.

Sure can been there done that. I was even younger then that my first time lol. I am

31 and still learning. Well some of the things I learned and some of the things

I think I am being hard headed about lol.

[chris28]

She is 29 and I am 31

I dont think age has much to do with it. In my case I think she valued material things allot

and she placed her own value in them. I am not a materialistic person myself so I

accepted that thinking it could work. The issue I realize is not only is she materialistic but

she can't even afford the lifestyle she wanted. So that being said she did me favor. I dont

think its unfixable just dont see her fixing it :>)

That's what I think the problem was witrh my ex that's so sad there are tons of girls out there who get physically abused as well as mental and they stay with they b/f and others leave for dumb reason go figure!!