Check out some similar questions!

sad-dad · Nov 15, 2007, 06:57 PM

Hi,
I live in the UK and have recently Divorced my wife of 18 years.
We have 2 Children ages 10 and 6.
The agreements on custody of the Children are equal.
We both agreed that we would share the Children at times such as Christmas Day as we only live about 10 minute drive away.
This was written on the appropriate forms for the courts at the early stages of Divorce and signed by us both!. Now she changing her mind and appears to be pulling the strings and causing unnecessary upset in relation to this!

My wife has just sent me a letter to say that she has made her arrangements for the Christmas period and that I cannot have the Kids on Christmas Day but can pop in and see them in the early evening on that day!:mad:

I would like my Children for half of the day and suggested that i pick them up at 3pm...that would give my ex and her family time with the kids and then i can have quality time too for the later half of the day....She has also given me the days and times I can have my kids over this period, however, I work in the forces and I'm working on some of the dates she has given me!.
She has not given any regard to my job or shift pattern!.

Surely this is fare in relation to Christmas day (my request)?. this is what the Kids would want! Is there anything I can do to ensure this happens?

The only people that suffer are the kids!

Regards Alan.

Clough · Nov 15, 2007, 07:29 PM

I have been divorced for many, many years. I definitely know what thoughts and feelings occur around the time of certain holidays when a person is newly divorced and when children are involved.

I two have two children who were very young at the time of our divorce. Your request doesn't sound unreasonable at all. However, just to give you an example and maybe something to think about, for most of the Christmas holidays when my kids were growing up, I did not have my kids during the day on Christmas. Instead, I had them during the evening of Christmas Day and then overnight. My ex's extended family was much larger than mine, so in order to make it easier on her and also the children, I did not choose to argue about having the kids on Christmas Day. They had all of these other relatives on my ex-wife's side of the family that they also wanted/needed to see. It all worked out in the end. There were some years when I would get the children a little earlier in the day. But, it just all depended on the scheduling of many people and not just me and my ex. Perhaps yours might be a similar situation?

Does she know specifically what your obligated schedule is for the dates in question?

sad-dad · Nov 15, 2007, 09:51 PM

Hi Clough,

Yes my ex-wife does know that I would like to have the Children for the second half of Christmas Day. All of her family all live about 10-15 minutes away from her at the most!
Therefore they could spend a good part of the day together!
My family all live about the same time frame apart, so therefore, we could then spend the second part of the day together.
I think this is reasonable...
She's just on a power trip... I think just a bit!

I will go to the solicitors on Monday and pursue through the Court if need be... :mad:

Thanks Alan.

Clough · Nov 15, 2007, 09:55 PM

Hi, Alan!

I do hope that you get things worked out so that both of you can be amicable and understanding towards each other. It could take quite awhile for that to happen. I have been there and also done that.

It does sound like you are being reasonable in this.

Does she have sole custody of the children?

Craig

sad-dad · Nov 15, 2007, 10:18 PM

Hi Craig,
We have joint custody of the Children.
Amicable... she won't be!

When we were married, we always had to spend Christmas day every year at her parents until about 7.00 pm. Then we went to my parents for about an hour at the end of the day. The children were tired and it wasn't any fun.
Everything centers around her and her family...

Now we are divorced that has to change, as christmas is for the Kids... and their parents to spend time with them and my ex-wifes parents should not be put priority over me... because that's what's happening now!

We signed agreements that went to the Courts when we initiated Divorce outlining this.
She wrote them out and it was vague to say the least... it said that we would share the children over the festive season etc...
I read it and had my solicitor change it as I said it had to read more specific like, we would share the Children on Christmas Day equally as I could see this looming!

I just need to know how I stand now she NOT playing ball?

Thanks Alan.

Clough · Nov 15, 2007, 10:25 PM

If she is not going to abide by what has been agreed upon in court and then also, I presume, signed by a magistrate, then you appear to have the upper hand here. I just hope that the kids don't really get wind of what is going on and that neither you nor she say things in front of the kids about each other. I'm not saying you are. It's just that I also know what that is like when it is happening and children are involved.

sad-dad · Nov 15, 2007, 10:37 PM

Craig,

The document would have gone before a judge in the County court.#
I hate to say this, but my ex-wife started another relationship about 4 months after we split. I haven't got a problem with that as I left her.
However, for some reason she choose to tell the Kids.."Not to say a bloody word to your father"
Don't know why she said this to them? I was aware of if anyway...
I think it was because of the financial issues that she would face for settlement due to her co-habiting?
She wants her cake and too eat it.

She's clearly recently stated on the court forms for settlement ££, that she is not or has No intention to co-habit within 6 months... she then gets more money. I've stated that she's lying and have evidence...
That's the reason I believe for all of this... and the fact that I now know she doesn't like it and is using the Children against me now... :rolleyes:

Alan.

Clough · Nov 15, 2007, 10:43 PM

So, are you having to pay her something like alimony? Are you meaning that she was actually co-habitating with someone, even before the divorce was finalized?

I hope that you have an adult witness present whenever you are speaking with her, even on the phone, and that you document everything that happens between the two of you.