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squkers · Nov 12, 2007, 10:42 AM

I have been with my soon to be husband for 5 years. We met in high school and have had a real great relationship since. Our sex life hasn't been the greatest latly though... he works all the time until late at night. I know he isn't cheating but it seems like our interest with each other has come to a stand still. We are set to be married January 11th next year. I am scared that it's the wrong thing to do. I mean I love him but I'm not sure I'm in love with him anymore... does this sound like cold feet or a wrong move??

FireOpal · Nov 12, 2007, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by squkers

i have been with my soon to be husband for 5 years. we met in high school and have had a real great realtionship since. our sex life hasnt been the greatest latly though... he works all the time untill late at night. i know he isnt cheating but it seems like our intrest with each other has come to a stand still. we are set to be married january 11th next year. i am scared that its the wrong thing to do. i mean i love him but im not sure im in love with him anymore... does this sound like cold feet or a wrong move????

It sounds perfectly normal to me. Levels of sexual interest in any long term relationship ebb and flow, especially if one or both partners are working a lot. Sounds like he's tired. You have a great relationship--hang in there!

squkers · Nov 12, 2007, 01:05 PM

Yea he works a lot . I think I'm just at a loss who to talk to and with our bills stress is a huge burden right now. Thanks

Fr_Chuck · Nov 12, 2007, 01:45 PM

Should you get married, well you should have gotten married when you decided to live together. 5 years latter is about 5 years too late.

What you are saying is should you break up because of the lack of sex ? Or should you stay together??

squkers · Nov 12, 2007, 02:19 PM

Well yea but I'm not sure if I should get married unless it just cold feet. Sex is rare I guess because of all the stress with bills and family but does this stuff happen in a relationship?

kiki_doki · Nov 12, 2007, 03:35 PM

Yes it is normal, its just logical that if he is working a lot and you are both clearly under a lot of pressure and feeling the financial burdens of life then sex is not on the top of anyone's agenda. I would also add that if (due to the financial worries) you are arguing (as I know this happens with me) then everyone gets snappy and small problems become magnified. Under these conditions its hard to get 'in the mood'. I would suggest that it is just cold feet and that things will pick up again!! It is difficult, but there is little in life that isn't! (",)

squkers · Nov 12, 2007, 06:51 PM

On the dot!

squkers · Nov 12, 2007, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by kiki_doki

Yes it is normal, its just logical that if he is working alot and you are both clearly under a lot of pressure and feeling the financial burdens of life then sex is not on the top of anyones agenda. i would also add that if (due to the financial worries) you are arguing (as i know this happens with me) then everyone gets snappy and small problems become magnified. Under these conditions its hard to get 'in the mood'. I would suggest that it is just cold feet and that things will pick up again!!!! It is difficult, but there is little in life that isn't! (",)

Thanks a lot you were very helpful!

J_9 · Nov 12, 2007, 06:54 PM

Okay here's my suggestion.

Take a piece of paper, fold it in half... On one side list the pro's of being married and on the other list the con's... Which side has more on the list?

kiki_doki · Nov 13, 2007, 02:24 PM

Squkers, I think it is important when you find yourself in this kind of situation to attempt to break the cycle, because that's what it is your stuck in a rut and its difficult to try to get out of it!! But believe me once its been broken things WILL get better and (gradually get back to normal). I know its probably a cliché but you could perhaps try cooking a nice romantic meal, dress up (I have kids and I often forget about me!! ) so take some time for yourself so that you feel good.Try to keep the conversation up beat and you have to absolutely ban talk of money matters.And hopefully your fiancé will appreciate the effort and you will both enjoy each others company and remind yourself of the love you have for him.This could be the beginning and gradually you guys could start dedicating a few hours a week to spending 'us time' together and when things get better that could be increased.I'm sure that when you start spending time together you will find your answer to your question!!
(",)

shadow5326 · Nov 15, 2007, 03:26 AM

Originally Posted by squkers

i have been with my soon to be husband for 5 years. we met in high school and have had a real great realtionship since. our sex life hasnt been the greatest latly though... he works all the time untill late at night. i know he isnt cheating but it seems like our intrest with each other has come to a stand still. we are set to be married january 11th next year. i am scared that its the wrong thing to do. i mean i love him but im not sure im in love with him anymore... does this sound like cold feet or a wrong move????

Wait until your thirties to marry!!