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applehead2007 · Nov 13, 2007, 04:43 PM

My ex broke up with me. We were together 4 years. We lived together almost from the beginning, moved a few times to different states. I was 23 when we met, he was 32. So of course, I knew it might be a problem down the road because I was not ready to commit. That is why he eventually broke it off with me. I kept resisting. I don't know why. When I came home, I dated for a couple weeks and then I realized I missed him and wanted to get back together. He already had moved on to someone else. I think they work together, so this all kind of was premeditated. He doesn't want to get back together with me. He is madly in love with this new girl, or so it seems from what I can deduce, but I have heard it all through the grapevine, not directly from him. He won't fess up to being in a serious relationship.

He did say I should not expect us to get back together. I think he is already planning on taking her on a vacation to mexico and it has only been 2 months since we broke up! Is it possible to move on and marry someone so quickly? He had been talking about marrying me a month before we broke up, then things got really messed up and the next thing I know I am out of his life for good. He is 36, so I know he is ready, but he also has a history of long relationships that fall apart (I am #3 in this pattern).

Obviously, impossible to say for sure, but how does a guy shut off a girl so quickly and put so much energy into another person? I have gone on a few dates, but I think about him all the time! I don't get it. Please help explain.

statictable · Nov 13, 2007, 05:08 PM

Under the described circumstances YES. At least for some people and with a 4 year relationship in which you knew (felt) would not go the distance he probably has no desire to waste another piece of life playing house with anyone who's not looking for a serious commitment. No one is at fault to this point but if you act on your current feelings one of you will end up a wooden nose and that would look very silly on you. Good luck in the future. PS thanks for being very honest in your post; you both sound like bright people.

stonewilder · Nov 13, 2007, 05:57 PM

It sounds like he probably gave up on you before the two of you split. As for your question... anything is possible.

jolienoire · Nov 14, 2007, 10:45 AM

Of course it's possible.. He is 36 probably done, with the going out, and the sleeping around. And finally is ready to settle at this point and especially if he is established and has a career, and everything he wants then why not want to work on building a new STRONG relationship. There is really no time limit on when one can fall in love what may be too soon for you may not be for the other. Maybe the relationship was dying prior to the "break-up" if this is the case it is less difficult to move on.

cerisa · Nov 14, 2007, 11:24 AM

Wellll, I hate to give false hope, so I don't want you to misconstrue what I am saying. But two months is a little soon to know if you are really 'in love'. He has moved on however, and you should too. Don't wait around thinking of him. Four years is a chunk out of anyone's life.