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DonnaDonna · Nov 14, 2007, 04:40 AM

Who has the legal rights to mt dads ashes?

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 05:30 AM

I am guessing it's first his wife's rights, then maybe split rights between his children.

ScottGem · Nov 14, 2007, 08:42 AM

That would depend on what's in his will or who his heirs are. You need to give us more info.

DonnaDonna · Nov 14, 2007, 09:51 AM

To my knowledge, my dad never made a will, however I can not be 100% certain of this. His illness was very sudden and quick. He was married when he passed away. Now she is telling us that we are not allowed to have the ashes and their for her to sign over and she has all rights to them. I was just hoping and praying that something somewhere would give me and my older sibling some right to access them, although I'm not holding my breathe!! Too be honest, this woman is not bothered about what happens to my dads ashes, she's just trying to cause more pain for me and my family by not handing them over to us so we can try and have some closure. I'm almost certain that she knows what she is doing is all correct and legal, but just need to be sure

Fr_Chuck · Nov 14, 2007, 09:59 AM

The person who is the administor of his estate, would most likely have the final say, or it can be fought out in probate court.
If he was currently married when he died, almost for sure his current wife would be over them.

charlotte234s · Nov 14, 2007, 10:01 AM

I think that unfortunately in your case, the spouse first has the legal rights of a person's ashes. :(

You could talk to a lawyer if you wish though, a lawyer would know the exact laws/legal rights, better than me, as I could be wrong, but I really think it's the spouse first and then the children. I can't find the particular laws on the web (just googled) but I'm pretty sure the spouse gets first dibs, basically.

ScottGem · Nov 14, 2007, 11:08 AM

In the absence of a will the next of kin has the rights. The next of kin would be first a spouse, then children. So its her right.

RubyPitbull · Nov 15, 2007, 04:20 AM

Unless there is a will that states otherwise, if there is a legal spouse and they have paid for the cremation, services,. The spouse has the legal right to the ashes. Even if a will existed, people usually don't think about putting the dispensation of ashes in a will. The person who pays for the cremation, is usually considered the legal owner of the ashes. If you and your siblings paid for the cremation and she is holding onto the ashes, you could sue her for them.

Donna, I am left wondering why this woman would want to go out of her way to cause your family "more pain" and not to work with you on this at such an emotional time. Has the relationship between your family and your step-mother been contentitious from the start? Are you positive that she doesn't care about the ashes? That would translate into her not caring about her husband. Was she upset when her husband died? Did anyone in your family offer her emotional support when he died and she rejected everyone's attempts to console her? Or, has your family been asking her about money and material things only? Please understand that I am not trying to be rude or prying here. I am just trying to help you figure out what would motivate her to act this way. Once you know what her motive is, you have a chance at working with her on coming to an agreeable solution so that you receive the closure that you need.