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nene1003 · Nov 11, 2007, 02:21 PM

I was in a 6 year relationship with a man who physically and mentally abused me. He beat me 4 out of the 6 years as well as calling me names and making me cry every chance he got. Now we have finally been apart 5 months and he is actually letting it go which I never thought he would. But I'm constantly cryinng because I miss him and feel like I love him and can't live without him. I am making myself crazy wondering what he is doing and if he is with someone else. I know it sounds pathetic but I can't understand why I would miss someone who traeted me so terrible. Do I like to be abused??

Babymaggie · Nov 11, 2007, 02:31 PM

Was he your first long term boyfriend? That might be why your having difficulty - I think you should try and find a new hobby where you can get out and meet new people or join a club where people have the same interests as you etc - Basically get out more and move on, Difficult but give it a try!

nene1003 · Nov 11, 2007, 05:29 PM

Originally Posted by Babymaggie

Was he your first long term boyfriend? That might be why your having difficulty - I think you should try and find a new hobby where you can get out and meet new people or join a club where people have the same interests as you etc - Basically get out more and move on, Difficult but give it a try!

No he wasn't. I am 28 years old. I've had other relationships before him.

Foxy459459 · Nov 11, 2007, 05:43 PM

I was in a similar situation as you were. I think because in the biginning it was great right? And you get used to that. And that is the person that you fall in love with. When it starts to go down hill you tell yourself that things are going to get better. They never do but you keep thinking and have it imbedded in your mind that they will, and the guy that you fell in love with will come back, meaning the guy that he has become will change back into the guy that you first met and fell in love with. And after awhile you get used to the abuse, and think that you can't do much better then what you got right? The guy that you fell in love with probably wasn't real, because the guy that put you through all the abuse took some time to show you his true colors. You miss him, and wonder what he is doing and if he is with someone else all the time because you are thinking about the person that you fell in love with 6 years ago. I know this is a very trying time in your life but you have to keeping telling yourself as hard as it may be that you deserve better. After being with someone like that for so long you become what they call in a "Co-Dependent" relationship. Believe me I was there. 3 years with a abusive drunk. It doesn't get better. They say they will change and they abuse the words "Im sorry" After awhile you become very numb to those words. Be good to you, and take some time to start loving yourself again. You have to forgive yourself to be able to move on with you life. Just getting up every morning is a start. Time heals all pain, remember that. Be good to you, and if you ever need a friend to talk to, just let me know...

ForeverZero · Nov 11, 2007, 07:31 PM

While I'm no expert, I suspect the abuse he's given you has created a sense of dependency, almost as though he's told you you're worthless enough times for you to actually believe it.

Look up Stockholm syndrome, it's very similar.

enigmagnetic · Nov 11, 2007, 09:32 PM

It's a codependency issue. You have lost yourself worth in a sense, mostly due to his abuse and to you allowing it. In your case I might suggest you spend some time with a therapist. I feel there may be something in your past, possibly even childhood, you haven't come to terms with. You must also understand that everything you knew for the last 6 years has been turned off. It's like you're facing withdrawal. No matter what you do you have to realize he is a bad person. You have to stay away at all costs. You're lucky he didn't hurt you permanently, or even death. Just be careful. Take care.

letsbfriends · Nov 11, 2007, 09:42 PM

Originally Posted by nene1003

I was in a 6 year relationship with a man who physically and mentally abused me. He beat me 4 out of the 6 years as well as calling me names and making me cry every chance he got. Now we have finally been apart 5 months and he is actually letting it go which I never thought he would. But I'm constantly cryinng because I miss him and feel like I love him and can't live without him. I am making myself crazy wondering what he is doing and if he is with someone else. I know it sounds pathetic but I can't understand why I would miss someone who traeted me so terrible. Do I like to be abused????

I don't think you like being abused. I think you just miss the good times you had with him and what could have been. In 5 years you had to have had some good times. I know it didn't just start bad. At the beginning of your relationship, maybe you saw something about him then no one else you dated ever had and that's what kept you with him. But people change and obviously he did. I've been in a relationship like that before. I never want to be in something like that ever again. No one needs all that drama. There is so much out there, once you learn to let go you'll see. I need to take my own advice, but I know that's what it is. I hope everything works out for you. You'll be happy once you figure this out

Sad Soul · Nov 11, 2007, 10:30 PM

Many times, we're not in love with the person, but we're in love with potential that we see in that person.

You're in love with potential you see in this man. You're not in love with the reality of him.

Be strong. Thank God that you are out of this relationship. There are a world of men out there that would never dream of hurting you.