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dedeca · Nov 9, 2007, 11:57 AM

Ok hello all! I am new to this forum but hey what a great find!

So, my issue.
I met a man who is 18 years older than me at work. We were attracted to each other straight away and started to see each other. We were always very careful to hide it because the both of us wanted it to be private. The age difference has always been an issue for him. We were together for about seven months with many small breaks in between. I am sure he is in love with me but I don't think he wants to be!
Now he has decided we should stop seeing each other!

He is a widower and has one daughter... he says he is not ready to be in a relationship yet.
I am sure he loves me and its in a really bad shape just as I am over the end of our relationship!
What can I do to change his mind! Is it possible? Is he just scared?

jolienoire · Nov 9, 2007, 12:02 PM

Of course he love you... He love you enough to be honest with you and tell you that he isn't ready to not mislead you. You can't change his mind, especially if he already told you what he wanted all you can do is give him the space he need and not to contact him... He may or may not come around.. But he needs to miss you and feel that he is ready to come back. Nothing you can say or do can chage his mind, unless you insist on contacting him and become annoying then it will push him away for good. He may be scared just let him sort out his worries.. It will save you from being hurt later.. I don't think you would want to be with someone who is a emotional mess...

I hope I helped/

cerisa · Nov 9, 2007, 12:37 PM

There could be many reasons, physical, emotional,. many. One thing that will not help is making him feel bad about it, that is a sure way to make him avoid you. Respect his boundaries. His wanting it to be private is a clue something else is going on, maybe family disapproval. Maybe he will feel differently in time. If not, don't kick yourself. That age difference is big in the long run, and nothing to do with you. Sorry for your pain, do something nice for yourself every day, because, you are responsible for your happiness.

dedeca · Nov 9, 2007, 01:46 PM

Thank you for replying! It is helpful!

I don't judge him at all and he knows how I feel about it all. He has a lot of emotional baggage wich I lack. I can't imagine going trhough everything he has, surviving it, and all while caring for his little daughter himself.
He is great but I think while he has a comitment problem he is also scared about the huge age gap between us. I really would like to make him understand that's not a problem and that we could work together!

Don't know what to do! Right now Im trying NC but its bit hard working in the same building. I think about him a lot and can't accept the end. (specially knowing how much he likes me! - but just haven't got the guts to go ahead!)

jolienoire · Nov 9, 2007, 01:49 PM

Well.. of course its going to be hard, especially when you hear a song, that reminds you of him or something funny you remembered.. And you will get urges to call but as days pass it gets easier. Just stay away from drinks and the phone... Don't want any drunk dialing going on.. lol but with all seriousness you don't have to reassure him about the age difference he knew that when he got involved with you. The most important thing to do is respect his wishes.. In the meantime Beautify yourself, shower yourself with love, do nice things for you. Keep smiling because someone else can be falling in love with your smile.