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Miss Sparkle · Nov 6, 2007, 03:20 AM

Ive just come out of a relationship (2 weeks ago) and the guy I work with has taken an interest in me. He has a bit of a reputation for sleeping around in the past, but he's a very caring person from what I know of him so far. He said to me that he wanted to take things slowly because I've just come out of a relationship, that's got to be a good sign that he cares isn't it?

I like him and I want to give him a chance, but people are warning me off telling me he's no good, he sleeps around and is a slut. But I'm not guna have sex with him, I always wait at least 9 months before going into a sexual relationship with a partner, surely if he waits that long (or longer) that means he cares about me?
Hes also said he wants to take his time to get to know me and prove that he's not like what the others say he is.

What should I do? Give him a chance, or stay away?

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 03:30 AM

Play it cool, give him a chance, don't let him try and run all over you. You are only going to find out what he's like if you go out with him yourself, don't listen to others you need to get to know him yourself first. Do this by going out one night and doing something simple, like cinema.

Miss Sparkle · Nov 6, 2007, 03:33 AM

It's a tough situation because all my friends who know him have been calling me up warning me off him telling me all the things he's done in his past. His past is quite chequered. Hes slept around, he took most drugs when he was younger, he still does cannabis occasionally but promises he doesn't do it often and he won't do it when I'm around.
All the stories have scared me abit, but I want to giv him a chance because so far he's been very sweet and caring towards me

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 03:48 AM

Just be careful, like I said he's probably worth at least one night out, to get to know him better. But if your unsure even if its just a little bit, then don't do anything. How do you know he wasn't sweet etc. to any other the other girls he's been with? Sounds like he sweet talks girls into being with him, that's just my opinion because of what all your friends have said about him to you, so watch out.

Miss Sparkle · Nov 6, 2007, 03:52 AM

Ive gone for a drink with him, we got abit drunk and I crashed at his house, nothing happened and he didn't try anything with me. He just cuddled me to sleep. I am sensible and given time, if he is an arse like my friends say he is then hel slip up and his true self will come out. GOD! Its so conplicated

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 03:58 AM

That sounds like a decent start to me to be honest. So take it slow and cool, try and talk to your friends and tell them what you think he's like. Tell them I'm going to give it a try, if it doesn't work out then I accept my mistake.

ordinaryguy · Nov 6, 2007, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by Miss Sparkle

Ive gone for a drink with him, we got abit drunk and i crashed at his house, nothing happend and he didnt try anything with me. He just cuddled me to sleep. I am sensible and given time, if he is an arse like my friends say he is then hel slip up and his true self will come out. GOD! its so conplicated

I'm afraid you're in for a rude awakening. Your behavior (getting drunk and crashing at his house) says that his checkered past and bad reputation is a big part of the attraction for you. You have already gone too far down this road. I hope it's not too late for you to turn around.

chris08 · Nov 6, 2007, 06:38 AM

Having just re-read this, Sparkle you say you are sensible, but was going back to his after a night out drunk a sensible thing to do? You should have gone home. Just be careful yeah because next time he might take advantage, you don't know, this is where his past could come into play, which is what people are saying.

Miss Sparkle · Nov 9, 2007, 09:29 AM

Yeah I do admit I acted stupidly and it won't happen again.
Would it be a different story if I stayed over his when I haven't been drinking?
I haven't done that yet but mite do at sum point in the future

BMI · Nov 9, 2007, 09:46 AM

Sorry to burst the bubble, but check this.

You got out of a relationship 2 weeks ago, maybe you should take some time, sounds like pure rebound on your side. Plus the last guy may not like the fact your with a new guy 2 weeks later, you wouldn't like it if he were with a new girl I suspect.

Nevertheless, he knows his reputation and so he is acting around it, if people think he's a slut he's going to say whatever to make sure you don't see that. The comment about him wanting to take it slow cause you got out of a relationship is pure BS, trust me, its something I would say and if that's true its warning signs. He's playing the romeo card and I think your falling for it cause of the rebound, easy to see harder to actually realize.

Sorry hun, that's the way it is and that's my word!

s_cianci · Nov 9, 2007, 09:50 AM

This is a decision you have to make ; we can't make it for you. But I will say this, that I recommend you form your own opinions rather than just feed off what others have to say.

Miss Sparkle · Nov 9, 2007, 09:51 AM

But is it OK for me to spend time with this guy, and not develop a physical side. Coz surely the longer it goes on the more annoyed hel get and will show his true colours eventually? Is there a possibility that he may have changed or may actually want to take things slowly?

ordinaryguy · Nov 9, 2007, 10:06 AM

Originally Posted by Miss Sparkle

Yeah i do admit i acted stupidly and it wont happen again.
Would it be a different story if i stayed over his when i havnt been drinking?
I havnt done that yet but mite do at sum point in the future

To answer your question, yes it would be a little bit different story if you crashed there without getting drunk first. It would take away the "I was drunk" excuse for acting in a way that tells him that you might be sexually available to him. Aside from that, the story would be pretty much the same.

It sounds to me like you've already decided to have a go at it with this guy, whether in spite of or because of his bad rep. I think you already know it's a mistake, but sometimes that knowledge makes no difference at all when it comes right down to actually deciding what to do. Some mistakes are just too attractive to pass up. In the school of experience, some courses are required, and some are electives. Figuring out which is which is the hard part.

Miss Sparkle · Nov 9, 2007, 10:15 AM

Im far too young to be thinking of settling down, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea just to have a bit of safe fun. Im way too confused right now :(

BMI · Nov 9, 2007, 10:20 AM

LOL! Safe fun.

The only safe fun is palying monopoly with your mom and dad, and really that's safer than fun:)

ordinaryguy · Nov 9, 2007, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by Miss Sparkle

Im far too young to be thinking of settling down, maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea just to have a bit of safe fun. Im way too confused right now :(

If your idea of "safe fun" is getting involved with the local bad boy, you really do have a lot to learn. I'll guarantee you that it won't reduce your confusion. I hope you can learn your lessons without inflicting too much permanent damage on yourself, but at this point I wouldn't bet the ranch on it.