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nick05 · Nov 8, 2007, 01:05 PM

I had an affair on my x wife with a women that I am now living with I am now in court trying to get custody of my two children can this be used children me in court?

Also my oldest child 12 years old wants nothing to do with my girlfriend can the courts force him to come for visits? I believe his mother is telling him not to come.

macksmom · Nov 8, 2007, 01:21 PM

Well it is all going to be decided on what is in the best interest of the children.

Personally, I don't think it is in their best interest to be "forced" to do anything... your children may hold a lot of resentment towards you and this woman for having an affair.

I don't think the fact that you had an affair could be held against you, as far as the children are concerned... though it will probably be thrown out there by her attorney to try and show your character.

I think you should allow your 12 year old to come to terms with all this first... you should be sensitive to the fact that maybe he really doesn't want to be around your girlfriend... and maybe you should set up some time for just you and him, so you can talk to him and listen to his feelings. Trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to do is only going to push him away farther.

donf · Nov 8, 2007, 01:27 PM

Nick,

You broke a vow that you made to your former wife. That speaks to character! Does you former wife have an attorney, if so, I bet you that character will become one of the major issues.

Personally, I would petition the court to have the court to appoint a Guardian Ad Lit them for your children. This is an attorney assigned by the Judge to protect the best interest of the children.

Also, ask if the judge would please consider meeting with the infant child or children in his chambers in the presence of a court appointed child services social worker to help the children.

I assume that these requests will be made through your attorney to the court.

I ask that you please talk to your attorney first, because it should already be in the court ordered dissolution of marriage and following visitation order that neither natural parent is allowed to denigrate the other parent in the presence of the child or children.

I am not a lawyer, but I have helped other family members with similar problems both in Kentucky and Virginia.

ScottGem · Nov 8, 2007, 01:32 PM

No you can't force the kids to visit. You CAN force the mother to make them available, but if its actually the kids who refuse you are stuck.

As Donf said, having an affair is not a good character reference, but it doesn't automatically disqualify you for custody.

kanicky73 · Nov 8, 2007, 01:37 PM

Not sure about your state but where I live we are a no fault divorce state and it doesn't matter anymore why or what happened to cause two people to not want to be married anymore. So your ex's attorney can throw it out there but the judge can not use it againt you in deciding visitation or custody. He can however look at your ability and willingness to be available for visitation etc. The others are correct in stating that the court will not "force" your kids to visit. They will simply set up a visitation schedule that has the children's best interest in mind, whether those children want to come with you when you come to pick them up is entirely a different story. Their mother should not ever put any ill ideas in there mind about you and what you did or didn't do in your marriage. That in itself can have severe long term affects on those children emotionally. If she isn't saying anything and the kids don't want to go with you right now, give them some time. Please remember that in a divorce especially with kids who are older, they usually always feel that the divorce was their fault in one way or another. They just need time. Their lives where just turned upside down.