[self_lnflicted_hell]

UPDATE!!! Listen up!! :p

We talked, apparently he knew I was looking so that's why he kept going to those sites. BUT, after talking some more, I did find out that the very first time I found it, about a month ago, he was watching it, I was at work and I busted him.. LOL
BUT, since then, it's been to mess with me... Whatever.

I don't even care anymore... He's going to watch it anyway, if that's what he really wants, I'm tired of being a nag about it. BUT, if attention towards me starts dwindling down again, we're going to have BIG problems. Then I'll kick him in the shin, HA

Thanks to you all :D

[simoneaugie]

Alright...First things first, I found out that my 'other' had been viewing online porn while I was at work...Thus, keeping it a SECRET.
Secondly, he's NEVER in the mood to have sex, and I'm serious when I say NEVER...It's either "I'm too hot..I'm too tired...I'm too drunk" It NEVER fails!
We went from making sure we had sex once a week, at the least, to now, it's been, ummmm....See?!? I can't even remember, and I use to keep track, yeah, gave up on that!

K, here's the fun part. I gave him oral one day about a week ago, after coming home from work and getting a shower.
There was barely any ejaculation!! None!! MAYBE a teaspoon's worth (lol, k, that sounds weird!)

K, now I know, when you rarely have sex, let it out, it builds up, right? Cause I do know from experience with this man, when we go a while without having sex, there's A LOT of ammo.

This time, zilch.

Does that mean that he's getting his rocks off without me???

Thanks in advance for any insight :D

I'd say that he's definitely getting his rocks off without you. That's normal though, unless a couple has a perfect sex life. Please don't be jealous of that. But, if he never wants to do it with you? Dump his ! I married a guy who had similar behavior to what you have described in your 'other' and it got to where writing down when it happened needed a calendar every 3 years. I had to beg for it on our honeymoon (the wedding night he was too tired.) Yeah, he was the only guy I wanted to have sex with. Uh huh, he watched TV and acted like I wasn't even there. Sure, all I did was...

As it turns out, he figured out years after we divorced that when we became married, we were related in his mind... He doesn't like having sex with family members. I stayed with him for over a decade, hoping that if I dressed right, smelled right, waited on his every need, acted sweet, whatever, he'd want to have sex with me. They don't change!

If you like sex, if frequent sex is important to you, go shopping and don't stop until you find a guy you who wants it as much as you do! It is scary at first. But it is sooooo worth it. Attaching your life and showing loyalty to someone who ignores you when you're pouring your heart out and crying is insanity. Trust me, I've been there.

[self_lnflicted_hell]

I'd say that he's definitely getting his rocks off without you. That's normal though, unless a couple has a perfect sex life. Please don't be jealous of that. But, if he never wants to do it with you? Dump his ! I married a guy who had similar behavior to what you have described in your 'other' and it got to where writing down when it happened needed a calendar every 3 years. I had to beg for it on our honeymoon (the wedding night he was too tired.) Yeah, he was the only guy I wanted to have sex with. Uh huh, he watched TV and acted like I wasn't even there. Sure, all I did was ...

As it turns out, he figured out years after we divorced that when we became married, we were related in his mind...He doesn't like having sex with family members. I stayed with him for over a decade, hoping that if I dressed right, smelled right, waited on his every need, acted sweet, whatever, he'd want to have sex with me. They don't change!

If you like sex, if frequent sex is important to you, go shopping and don't stop until you find a guy you who wants it as much as you do! It is scary at first. But it is sooooo worth it. Attaching your life and showing loyalty to someone who ignores you when you're pouring your heart out and crying is insanity. Trust me, I've been there.

I'm sorry, if there was a way that I could remove this post, I would... But since I can't I just have to keep replying to everyone to let them know that things have been taken care of. We talked and for about a month now, I could probably honestly say, things are better than they ever have been with us (we'll be together 3 years in March). Thank you so much though for your honest opinion and your insight.

And also, I'm sorry for the sh*t that you had to put up with, with your husband... Especially the part about how, in his mind, you were "related" that's bull... What an excuse!

[jbarrington]

Ash123 has hit real close to what I was thinking while I was reading all these posts.

Base on your comments SIH, it sounds like he was or is a good man and that both of you are in love and care for each other.

On the surface, it would be easy to say there is another woman, but it really sounds as if he is going through a depressive state, due to his being laid off. It sounds as if his self worth or self esteem is at a low point. He might be feeling the pressure of losing his job, the pressure of bills, the pressure of trying to figure out what he needs to do now. He could be feeling overwhelm and expressing it by shutting down and letting himself go physically. The porno is turning into an addiction, but in his state, complaining about it could only drive him deeper into it, or do something else (whatever else is).

In his world, the porno could be his time where he is feeling momentarily like he is back in control and focusing, but he has you in the real world questioning/nagging what he I doing in his fantasy world, and he’s not making it happen in bed either. The porno is his crutch or security blanket at the moment.

I feel there is nothing wrong with looking at porno and enjoying the moment here and there, but he seems to have already reached the point where it’s reaching addictive stage and that he should be talking to someone about his depression. A professional person could help him sort out his thoughts and possible feelings of being overwhelmed.

I really don’t know how would be the best way to bring up the subject, because the wrong way might feel like another log on his fire of problems, and he might just shut you out.

Perhaps one way might be to step out of being his wife and step into being a nurturing, caring, non-threatening mother role and ask him whether if everything since he was laid off makes him feel like the walls are crushing around him or not. This might get him talking and more dialog started. Maybe then, after a while of open talking, tell him that it would be okay with you if he needed to talk to someone that could perhaps help get out of feeling overwhelmed.

If you can’t afford several visits, try to keep the understanding, non-threatening, non-critical, non-judgmental dialogs going with you. Talking about his concerns and feelings along with him actually knowing that both of you can face these hurdles together might start getting him functional again.

Half of the relationship is sick at the moment, and the other half needs to try to make it feel better.