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RobinCockrell · Nov 5, 2007, 12:58 PM

:confused: The birhtmom contacted us to adopt her child when she was 15 weeks pregnant. The birthfather went to the first doctors visit with her and that was it. We carried her the rest of the time to the doctors visits as well as the hospital ( she was in the hospital 17 times before he was ever born). The child was born March of 07. We were there when he was born, we have cared for him since the day he was born. The birthfather knew he had been born. We tried to meet with him so he could get to know us to sign he wouldn't. He has 2 other children he has done the same way. ( DNA test proved he is the father doesn't want to tke care of them but doesn't want to terminate his rights). How long do you have to wait on a dead beat father to terminate his rights? The child is now almost 8 months old he has our cell phone #'s as well as home #'s. He has never called or etc to check on the child. Now he wants visitation (from past history we don't think he will ever exercise it) we have agreed to it to a certain extent if he will sign. We have also told our attorney that if he wants all of this stuff we would like to be reimbursed for the money we have spent from carring the birthmom to the doctor as well as taking care of the child 24 /7 for the past 8 months. Is that wrong to ask for?

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2007, 01:05 PM

What does your attorney say? I don't think it wrong though. You entered into an adoption agreement with full disclosure. If he had no intention of allowing the adoption he should have stepped up and stopped it long ago. I think a counter suit for reimbursement of expenses against him and the mother (you have to include both) might get his attention. But your attorney is the best one to advise you on this.

RobinCockrell · Nov 5, 2007, 01:21 PM

Thanks, It does help. Our attorney has told the birthfather we agree to visitation under certain rules. We are trying to fight this and etc without having to go to court. We have been fighting this for over a year and we are exhausted. We were told that if we go to court we would most likely win (from all of the information we have on the parents) but he can appeal it and you never know what may happen. If he wins custody we have nothing to stand on since we are not the bio parents. We are scared to death of losing a child. We have a 9 year old that finally has a brother he has always wanted. He has been through so much. What are the chances of the bio father winning in an appeal?

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2007, 01:50 PM

About nil. What you have to understand is an appeal can only be filed if there was a problem with the way the case was conducted. Not just because the loser didn't like the judgement. To be able to win an appeal, he has to show some rights of his were not provided during the hearings. So as long as your attorney and the judge cross all the Ts and dot all the Is there should be no grounds for appeal.

The fact that he made no move to stop the adoption in the beginning is likely to lose things for him.

RobinCockrell · Nov 5, 2007, 02:11 PM

Is that for all states in the US? Our lawyer said he would like to do what ever would be the lowest amount of risk for us and the baby. We just want the bio fathers rights to be gone and move on without this fear.

ScottGem · Nov 5, 2007, 07:18 PM

A Family Court judge's first call is what is best for the child. While the bio parents have an edge, they have to show the desire and ability to care for the child.

As for what I described about appeals, yes that is the law in all venues.

yrotseus · Nov 15, 2007, 05:51 PM

When he signs make sure it is "irrevocable consent". He then terminates all his right on the spot. If not there is a waiting period that he can change his mind. This is true in New York State. Both of our children's birth partents signed "irrevocable consent" and we had no problems. The one couple wanted medical bills paid for. When we finalized the court said we didn't have to pay them because medicare did.

Good luck

Synnen · Nov 15, 2007, 10:52 PM

Make sure that the state you are in allows "irrevocable consent". The time that some states require is there for a very good reason--it's really hard to know what you're giving up until you DO give it up, and MOST birth parents should have that chance--especially since post-adoption law is weighed so heavily in favor of the adoptive parents (who hasn't heard a story where the adoptive parents promised the birth parents the moon to convince the birth parents to choose THEM as the adoptive parents, and then disappeared as soon as those papers were signed?)

Sounds like the birthfather in this case is a loser, though, and if the child is in your custody and healthy, and he's not taking care of his OTHER kids--I can't see why any sane judge would NOT terminate his rights in the child's best interest.