[Fallen_Angel]

:-[ I am a recently divorced mother. I met the man of my dreams during my separation about a year ago.
I have never been out with anyone else, nor been unfaithful in this relationship. This June I quit my job
Because of a lot of reasons at that time. I worked at a school and had an income until the first week in Aug. so,
I wasn't too worried about it for a couple months. Anyway, here lies the problem. It was the last part of October and still had no job. I was becoming very scaird and had no income. Things were getting so hard and my boyfriend of a year didn't offer to help (he's an attorney, but not making a lot right now). I would never ask for his help. I made a huge horrible mistake and I will never do anything like this again. I've learned so much from this. A friend of mine and I went out for a drink, we started talking and she talked me into going to this dance club (basically a strip club). It was ametur night. I had too much to drink and was talked into going up on stage to perform. I'm not like that at all.
I have never done anything like that in my life. I was married a long time before. Well, that night I walked away with $400. I couldn't believe it. I felt so ashamed and dirty and told me friend the next day. I'd never do it again. Well, I was wrong. I ended up going the next week the same time and got a job. I was making money that I never had in my life. I know money is not justifying what I did, but I'm just trying to explain to you all and being so desperate for money with a son. I could have taken a job for $7.00 at a fast food rest. but I didn't. I am 35, but look in my mid 20's. Anway, I lied to the love of my life. He found out acutally by his brother because where I said I was working, his brother showed up and they said that there was no one that name working there. His brother told my boyfriend and my boyfriend confronted me about it.
I couldn't talk, or even breathe... I started crying so hard and didn't know what to say. I told him I couldn't tell him right now. He left in anger and very upset. That was 1-1/2 weeks ago. We didn't live together, I had him over for dinner that afternoon when he walked out. I have quit of course. Been trying desperately to find something else. In the mean time, I have written letters, sent cards, went to church, prayed and prayed
Every day, and have cried until I can't cry anymore. I realize that I was a fool, and that is so unlike my nature to do something like that. I can't even believe myself when I think about what I did. So, please when helping me do be sensitive to me. I have been through so much this past year with a verbally past abusive husband, and the death of my mom and sister in the same year. I feel like I've went to hell and back.
My boyfriend of a 1-1/2 is so devastated that he has gone to a Psych and counselor is on Prozak because he is so sick that I lied to him and couldn't bear the thought of me doing what I did. I told him I was 100% faithful and I was. But to him, the thought of doing what I did is like having sex with 100's of guys. He has just basically emailed a few times. He will not call me.
He said that he still loves me but needs time. I'm worried that "in time" he will not love me. I am suppose to meet with him tomorrow, but I'm not sure if that is going to happen. He said he would call tonight but has not. How can I regain his faith and trust in me again?
I love him with all my heart and would do anything to prove this to him. I miss him and am so scaird of losing him. I wish I could turn back time and realize that
No amount of money is worth losing someone over. I wished I had just asked him for some money for bills even though I didn't think he had the extra with his business. If I didn't love him so much, I would be gone and say, Ok I made a huge mistake and would be on my way. But, I'm not. I told him I would wait for him forever if that is what it takes but, each day is like a week and I don't know what more I can do if anything.
Please help me and pray for me too. I am a good person, I have a kind heart. I love him so much and am so scaird. Thank you for listening and helping me.

Fallen Angel

[olka]

Tell your boyfriend that you were desperate to make some money to pay for your bills, that you made a big mistake, & that you are sorry that you hurt his feelings. He will forgive you eventually as he loves you very much.
Fallen Angel, please remember: greatness lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. 8)

[Krystal]

You did what you had to do and it was for a noble cause. Unless this fellow is going to support you and do it now, he does not have the right to have this reaction. It is easy to judge another when you are not in the position yourself. He is being quite judgmental and he need not be. You may love him but think twice about his intolerant attitude. It may rear its head again at some point in the future, and not to your satisfaction. Good luck with this fellow and remember: if he does not forgive you, you will find someone else who is more suited to your needs.

[donna]

Well if you are saying you love this guy so much then it wouldn't have been so hard to either tell the truth or ask for a bit of help because at the end of the day relationships envolve two people and not just one so the other should help out the other one and you under no circumstance should have gone up on that stage if you loved this man as much as talk about him.In any relationship trust is more than money,money is only an object .

Donna and Roger