[Jbaby69]

I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world whom I have been dating for 9 months now, and I know he loves me with all of his heart. But we've broken up twice already and luckily have gotten back together. I have a admit that this happened because of the actions that I partake in. I mean, I for one know that I'm to clingy. It's not that I don't trust him, I know I do. But sometimes I'll have these randoms thoughts like whether he's out with someone that I don't have any interest in whatsoever, or if he's out just being stupid. So I'll call him constantly, or I'll want to hang out with him ALL the time. It's starting to get old, but I don't know how to become so much as less obsessed. Another thing is that I have ALWAYS been a jealous person. In every relationship. My boyfriend, is naturally not necessarily a "flirt", but he's always had a lot of "girl" friends, and sometimes I hate that, but I know I shouldn't. Or if we're watching TV and he points out a girl and defines her as "hot". I feel like awkward. I mean I don't blow up on him, but I kind of give him the silent treatmeant afterwards. The third thing is that I, myself, am overly sensitive. I cry about everything that goes wrong at the moment. I mean at first, he gave me sympothy because he really felt bad, but after 9 months of being together, he'll still be there for me, but it's getting old too. I don't want to be this person that I've been showing him for so long. I want to be that girl that HE WANTS to hang out with and HE WANTS to call and so on. I want to be able to wear the pants in this relationship. And not be the who just gets pushed around. I don't like that girl. Sorry this is a lot... but I need the help. Thank You! :)

[statesgirl]

I am a very jealous person too and I hate when I my boyfriend points out hot girls on TV. Or catch him checking out other girls! I know how you feel , I want to be a better girlfriend too!

[cerisa]

Be a stronger GF then, girls. There are always going to be girls on t.v. and everywhere you go. Guys are naturally going to be interested, they are hard wired to be. What they should NOT do is act on it if you have an understanding. And obssesviness is no good, nor is clinginess, in fact they drive guys away FAST. Work on being comfortable with yourselves, confidence is sexy. Also, let both of you wear the pants, no guy wants to be pushed around. In my house, he wears the pants... I wear the jewelry. LOL, that's what he thinks anyway!

[thisisjo]

Heya. I can so relate to this.. I have just broke up with my boyfriend of two years for the second time. We haven't got back together but I want him so much. He said I sometimes suffocate him and I want to show him I can lay off and be a better girlfriend but its so hard when you want someone back to not call because you think ah he has forgotton about us and doesn't want to consider it again. I know he has been kissing some other girl. I find that really odd because he said he doesn't want to sleep with her or have a relationship with her but I know the reason its because its comforting without the pressure. My point is from my experience as much as he loves you the more you crowd him he will think the grass is greener on the other side when some new girl comes along and she doesn't crowd him and he can just have a laugh with her. It is so hard to not be clingy when you love someone this much but I plan to get my own life back on track. Be more independent and that does make a more attractive person.

[s_cianci]

You need to have some outside interests and activities which don't include him. You need to have a life of your own and not live and breathe him 24/7/365. The less time you spend with him the more attractive you'll be to him and that'll make him want to spend more time with you. Spend time with your friends and get involved in activities at school or wherever.

[kp2171]

Well knowing you have control over how you act is the first step, so congrads there.

I'm a guy and I can tell you that being too clingy is just not good... I've always been most attracted to and dated women who were mentally grounded and who were confident. I'm not saying you're a bad girlfriend at all... you are where you are... but you know you need to be in a different place. Besides, there's little sexier than a confident, strong woman.

You absolutely need to back off the constant messaging or calling if he's out. It shows a lack of trust or self esteem. Not to mention it breaks up his time out. I'm married now to a great woman. She sometimes goes out of town for a few days. I know when she goes that she's out at night, talking to people, making new connections. I know she's going to get hit on, propositioned.

Do I go nuts? no. cause I trust her. It's that simple. I am a jealous man... I have a temper... it was all I could do, after finding out a coworker of hers propositioned her after a night out (basically he wanted to park or get a room) for me to not show up and put him through a wall.

Well... I might be jealous, but I trust her more. She's not shown me any reason to believe that she's not with me and me alone. She always comes home to me. I'm not about to screw up her evening with constant calls and messages.

You guys sound younger. Its common when you are young to struggle with trust and yourself esteem is just starting to find its place. Relationships are so new and so all encompassing that you tend to make everything bigger than it really is. Highs are higher and lows are lower than they would be if you'd been through a few more relationships, have a few more breakups, and had more chances to figure out what you are doing right and what you need to change.

So... not sure I've helped at all... but you DO need to stop projectiing your fears onto him... unless he's done things to make you feel them. You need to make this relationship about you and you need to stop elevating it to the All Important Thing in Your Life level. Its not. Really.

Healthy relationships are when two people who are independent chose to be together, and the result is that they have more than they had apart, without losing their individual selves in the process.

He should go out with friends without you. You should have life with friends and interests that don't need him right by you. Its important to be connected to a lot of people and things.

[Jbaby69]

Hey its me again. Just another thought. When me and my boyfriend started dating, a while ago, he felt this spark between us all the time, and he always got butterflies in his stomach, from what he says. This was all when he was starting to get to know me a little better. And now 9 months downt the road, he feels that I have "changed", mostly because of what I talked about earlier. How I've become clingy and obsessed and such. He has said that he believes in me when I say that I can go back to my old ways, but when I try and make an effort, like doing the opposite of all of my flaws, he thinks I'm trying to hard. So I look fake. Like one time he said that I was overly obsessed and kind of a , so I took that to heart, and for the next few days, It was just kind of awkward, and I was super quiet around him. And then we he said that he liked it when I was more flirty, I tried to hard and I was kind of overly flirty. Basically what I'm getting to, is how to I put that spark back into this relationship? I want to be able to get those "tingles" in his tummy again. Whether it be me kissing him or calling him. I just don't want to make it look like I'm trying to hard. I never intended on "changing" but it just kind of happened. I know how I naturally acted back then. But when I try, he doesn't realize it really. Ahh! :(

[J_9]

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