[Clough]

Thanks CBW, I still have, according to the doctor if I don't let him cut.. 9-12 months, but I plan on staying a little longer if possible. I'll let you all know. And you know as long as I've got net access, I will be here almost every day when I'm not out with Jaime and Alexander.

I'm attaching a picture of when I was still able to enjoy myself so that you can remember me this way. OOPS, have to send it later, it's too large, so sending you one of me holding my cat - he's just where he always loves to be..

Even afterwards, I'll be around, because I believe in 'spooking' and sending love, no matter where I am..

Please know that we are beside you and behind you all the way, Chery! :)

[Chery]

Clough, Ever since I joined in 2005, I've felt right at home with you all and know that you're there for me and love you all for it.

Guess what, I'll be even closer to you all because my urn will be residing in Las Vegas. Once it's time, I'll furnish you my brother's email address so you can 'talk' to me there. He's got a webcam. Ohboy, that medication is working now, talking funny stuff, but it's better than being depressed about things. The thought is kind of nice though.. I can see him putting stickies with messages from you on the mantle... ha ha.

night,night for now...

[curlybenswife]

Sleep tight my darling lady if I could take all this away I would because you more than anyone deserve it your strength is wonderful and inspiring.
I loved the pics too ;)

[JoeCanada76]

Wow, 3 secret Garden.

Laura, Like your avator. It is hilarious.

Joe

[Chery]

Wow, 3 secret Garden.

Laura, Like your avator. It is hilarious.

Joe

It is cute... tried to kiss it, but the pants get pulled up too fast.

How have you been doing lately, have not seen too many of your posts, but remember you from before I had my stroke a while back.. I guess we are the 'oldest kids' in this here family.

[JoeCanada76]

Keeping Busy with family. Yes, we have been here for a long while. Your keeping your sense of humour, good to see Chery.

[curlybenswife]

Hehehehehe I couldn't resist bart when I found him last night it made me giggle, how you feeling today Joe?

Chery I wouldn't kiss this butt it seems to have spread the last few months tee hee

[JoeCanada76]

Doing good Laura and yourself?

Well I am off and running. Catch you all later.

[curlybenswife]

Tierd seeing the specialist this afternoon hopefully he would be able to tell me why my hands keep going numb and with any luck get a quick peek at baby :D.
Enjoy your day xx

[Chery]

Well, you know what they say about humor being the best medicine, and I'd rather be happy than depressed and worried all the time. I will leave that up to others from now on and do things I enjoy doing. I still love being there for others and love to make them laugh - at least that way they will have fonder memories of me. Although, there are a few who will never forget me because I also have a 'revenge' list, just a little one, but they deserve it. - that is if I have time...
First I want to write a few books for my grandson, create a few games and coloring books for him too, and videotape some love and advice for special times in his future - my way of being there for him.

So... my attitude right now is to hell with the dishes - they can wait, or I'll just use paper plates from now on.

So proud of my little "Big Boy" and I love my daughter for giving me the greatest gift of all.

[Chery]

Tierd seeing the specialist this afternoon hopefully he would be able to tell me why my hands keep going numb and with any luck get a quick peek at baby :D.
Enjoy your day xx

In both hands? Could be just a few nerves being pressed on. Carpal tunnel did that to me and then moved on to the ulna and surgery helped. Also in both hands.. Would be great if we could just call on "roto rooter".

Will check later how your visit went, and how you 'both' are.

Love,
Chery

[JoeCanada76]

Chery that is the best gift in the world, is our children. Good for you and much love from our family to yours. I seen the pictures that you have shown. You have an amazing family.

P.s. Laura hope you find out what is going on.

[ordinaryguy]

The cytology report was in... advanced adenocarcinoma and already in lymphnodes too. So.. when I said thanks and can I go, the doc was upset because he was sure that he could cut and do some chemo just to keep me there a little longer. I told him that's not my style and that I want to spend the time I have left enjoying my family and friends, my cat, my LIFE, and that did not entail being in a hospital bed having unsuccessful treatment done to keep me doped up and alive just so that they get paid.. I talked to a few clinician friends in radiology and anesthesiology, my daughter also came for a talk with the doc, and I told him what my choice was. His bedside manner was nasty after that, but I'm home now and cleaning up, making plans to visit people and do the beurocratic crap that's necessary. I actually look forward to having a good time for as long as I can. I even had the option to choose what meds I want because I told them no Morphine and no Tramal - two mind killers and puckendorsers. I'm doing OK and still have a clear head for now. The conceited idiot did not even want to tell me what stage I have right now, but he had to . He's just upset that he could not talk me into being a normal obedient german patient that thinks doctors are Gods. So now, I'm busy checking out what life insurance I have, looking for my roots on my father's side in Kentucky, and looking for my ex-husband to let him know he's a grandfather if he has not OD'd already somewhere. Rick_J has offered help in that direction and i hope he's successful.

Chery, you are one courageous lady and you have my everlasting respect for taking control of your life and living it on your terms. Quality over quantity is a no-brainer, in my book.

I have some family roots in Kentucky and have done a little genealogical research. If I can be of help on that project, let me know.

It's amazing what you think about when you get told you don't have much time left.

I'll bet that's right. All the deaths that have come close to me have been sudden and unexpected, so that's a little different for both the leaver and the leavee. I'm sure it's not easy either way, but I have wished for the chance to say goodbyes and express more fully the love that was there between us. I'm sure you'll make the most of your opportunity.

I also have a 'revenge' list, just a little one, but they deserve it. - that is if I have time...

It sounds like you have a pretty full schedule already. I'm guessing revenge will never get to the top of your to-do list.

[Synnen]

Chery... wow.

Lady, you have my deep respect. I'm so glad you have the courage to take what YOU want out of life!

I'm really just speechless right now. I wish I could tell you all the thoughts I have for you, but I can't seem to put them into words.

Let's just say that I honor and respect you, and send you a ton of love and "good thoughts".

[startover22]

I second that Synn... and she is cute too!

[curlybenswife]

Im back, spcialist not worried about hands ill talk to my midwife tomorrow ;)
We got a surprise scan too and theo is 2lbs 5oz already witch is rather lovely news considering what we went through with millie.

[startover22]

Nice CBW... hope you figure out the hand thing... is it all the time or just during sleep?
Woo Hoo for Theo!

[Chery]

Chery...wow.

Lady, you have my deep respect. I'm so glad you have the courage to take what YOU want out of life!

I'm really just speechless right now. I wish I could tell you all the thoughts I have for you, but I can't seem to put them into words.

Let's just say that I honor and respect you, and send you a ton of love and "good thoughts".

Synnen,
I warmly and humbly accept your love and good thoughts. You probably have an idea of how many people think I'm crazy for not trying to do everything (or let everything be done) to gain each extra moment of life. I have even been secretly told by the wonderful nurses on the ward that they respect and honor my decision and feel the same way, even though they are not supposed to endorse it.

There have been others who think that I am "stupid" for not trying everything... but I don't see any point in just existing and enduring the control others would have over me - it would be so degrading and I so much want to keep as much dignity as I can and feel it's my right to want that.

I am so glad that you don't think me a fool because I do respect your opinions and I don't want anyone ever to feel sorry for me - that never has been and never will be included in my purpose in life. We all have our crosses to bear and we all want what's best for us and our loved ones, but there comes a point where we've all had enough of others having even this power over us.


I nursed my mother for three years with her emphysema, watching her get worse, and seeing the pain in her eyes, the helplessness and fear of the unknown.. and even though I hated for for how she treated me all my life, I felt sorry that she had to suffer so much knowing that this would not have been her choice either.

While in the hospital for only three days this time, my other two 'room-mates' were in their 70's and 80's. One had bone cancer, on highest level of morphine, and everyone was waiting for her to 'depart' During this time, the only thing that she could still do on her own was scream in pain all day - which naturally annoyed others. But they knew nothing of her live or what she had to share and offer the world before she became what they saw of her. When she finally went, I was relieved for her because she no longer had to suffer and put up with more degrading treatments. The other one was transferred from a private room to our room because her daughter had power of attorney and decided that she could just as well die in a cheaper room. Even though I had my own shock, pain and problems, I thought to myself "what did these poor women do to deserve this". I don't think either one would have chosen to wind up like that. Did anyone around them even think of what these women contributed to their families and others before this all happened?

My number is not in the phonebook, but I did share it with a few younger ones who's relatives want them to keep going, and they also don't want to wind up as permanent residents in a hospital or a home somewhere - it's the relatives who don't want them to make that choice for quality, also stringent religion. So, needless to say, I made a few friends and get a lot of calls. Just goes to prove, we are not alone.

I know that these last few posts have been a little long for the 'secret garden' but it's my life-line right now and I feel the need to be with friends like you, and I thank you all for letting me share it.

My cat Larry is 15 and not in the best of health either, but I promised him we'd share the rest of our time together.

[J_9]

Glad everything is okay with theo. Sounds like he is growing right on target.

Oh, the hands, pretty common. I had it with all 4 pregnancies. You got some excess swelling going on?

Chery,

I respect you and applaud you for making the decision you have. You are a very brave, smart and strong woman.

Quality is indeed more important than quantity. I had to help my mother make that decision earlier this summer. She was not ready to let go, but understood that Dad would not be happy lying in a bed with diapers and being dependent on others for his every need.

You are a very strong woman, and I am better to have "known" you.

Just know that your cyber family will be here to support you in all of your decisions at this important time of your life.

[Synnen]

Chery... again, wow. I'm humbled that you think my opinions are worth reading! You're such a strong woman, I really hope to someday be as strong!

Seriously... I hope that you get to live every moment you have left to its absolute fullest. What's funny--I have yet to feel sorry for you. Of course, I'm sorry that you have only the time left that you do--but none of us really knows how much time we have left, do we? I'm glad that you're sure enough of yourself to make your own decisions about it, really.

Laura--if you'd stop SITTING on your hands, they wouldn't be numb! And awwww... Theo's getting so big so fast! I can't wait to see pictures! I'm sure he looks as beautiful as you are!