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n9182004 · Oct 26, 2007, 11:53 PM

Im 23 and my husband is 20.We got married almost a year ago. Everything was OK until recently. He doesn't want to be married anymore. He thinks that he doesn't know who he is and by marring me was not the best thing to do since I come with a lot of baggage( a child from a previous relationship with a married man) He says he LOVES ME but doesn't want to be around me because I'm bringing him down... WHAT SHOULD I DO??
Stay around and try my best to make it work or be the first to call it quits:( :confused:

Mumu · Oct 27, 2007, 12:13 AM

Humm , first of all if he loves u then will never leave you ! I'm not sure that he loves you.. so u must try the best to bring them alive.. but my q , why he said that u bringing him down ?

RubyPitbull · Oct 27, 2007, 05:51 AM

n918, I have read your other two posts regarding hanging out with your male friends. You never mentioned the problems you were having as you have done here.

Both you (and especially) your husband are quite young. Communication in a marriage is the key to a relationship. How long did you know each other before you were married? I must commend your husband for being as honest and open as he has been with you. He is telling you what his issues are. Have you both tried to find a solution together to what he finds objectionable? Have you both discussed going for marriage counseling? If not, I think it would be a wise decision for you both to attempt to work through your problems together. The first year of marriage is the most difficult for all couples. It is hard learning how to live and work with another person and sometimes we have to accept that it would be a good idea to find help from an outside source. Are either of you religious? Is there a minister, priest, rabbi,. that you both respect and admire? If you aren't religious, then it is time to look in your local yellowpages under Community Services or Helpful Numbers, and find out what counseling resources are available in your area. Make an appointment together. Since the two of you made a commitment to each other when you took your vows, you owe it to yourselves to attempt to resolve your issues before just throwing up your hands and calling it quits. That is the easy way out and really doesn't resolve anything. It will leave you both with hurt and angry feelings. It is better to make an attempt to try, and then realize that you both may have made a mistake and then agree to a friendly separation. Remember, this isn't just about you and your husband. You have a baby that views your husband as a father figure. You both have to consider what this will do to your child (even if your hubby is not the biological father).

s_cianci · Oct 27, 2007, 05:53 AM

Actually I'd wait until he calls it quits. That way it makes him the bad guy instead of you.

S SID · Oct 27, 2007, 06:11 AM

Talk to him, tell him he knew way before he married you that he would be taking on you and someone else's child. Tell him how much both you and your child love and need him. I have experience of bringing up another mans child and trust me it isn't easy for him to be reminded on a daily basis that that child isn't his, he may even resent it. Try to ask someone to have the child for a while so you and him can talk, it's very important that you two spend lots of quality time together as a couple without this child there, maybe even a break away somewhere, it's got to be worth a try.
Good luck.

hollylovesbrandon · Oct 27, 2007, 06:21 PM

It sounds to me that he's just looking for an excuse to weasle out on you. He figured the child would be an easy way. I know it hurts. The first year of marriage is the hardest, ask anyone. And you having a child obviously makes it harder. He is only 20... he might have thought he was mature enough to handle all this but then realized that he still wants to have fun for a few more years. I think you guys should sit down, without the child, just one on one... and SERIOUSLY talk about these problems. Come to a RATIONAL and CALM decision on this. No arguing, no screaming... make it peaceful. It stays rational longer if it's peaceful. Maybe you will decide it's best to leave, maybe not, either way, you need to have a serious talk with each other.