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lee19 · Oct 25, 2007, 04:05 PM

My ex and I dated on and off for 3 years and broke up earlier this year (he ended it because he felt he needed some time to learn to be on his own). Recently, both he and my best friend have both raised the idea of them being together. She told me that he always tries to hug her when I am around to try to make me jealous, but in any case I don't mind so much from his perspective, it's more I feel weird that she would consider it, especially since she actually told me that she still wants to end up with her exbf who is now dating someone else. I've been trying to move on from my ex and have started seeing someone else, but I still have a lot of feeling for my ex and she knows this. The whole thing is more upsetting because they were together before we went out and didn't tell me for months into the relationship. I could never be with him again if this happened a 2nd time, and she knows this. Since I'm seeing someone else and my best friend and ex boyfriend are close friends too, should I feel bad about not wanting to be her friend if she does this? Or should I feel weird that she would even raise this with me?

kp2171 · Oct 25, 2007, 04:14 PM

Well the feeling is normal, but you don't really have a say in who your friend or ex should be with.

I mean, yes... its normal to not want to see your ex happy when the wounds are fresh... and the possibility that he could be happy with a friend is maddening...

But lets face it... its over. You are done. Hell find someone. Shell find someone. Maybe they are right together.

So... I think its normal to feel strange about it. I also think an adult should be able to step back. If you cant, then you just need to distance yourself from the friend. Love is a thing we have to fight for... even though it seems like a betrayal, what if he is right for her and her for him?

They deserve a shot if they want it. He doesn't need your approval for all other women he dates. And she isn't being the best friend who would sacrifice her happiness for yours, but then I'm not sure that a healthy friendship anyway.

Best answer I have is to say your peace, and then walk away from it. In the end, he isn't with you because it didn't work out and it wasn't right.