[erlobenauer]

Great answer CAL!! I tried spreading rep for you as well, and it didn't let me, sorry!! And again, I totally agree with your answer!

[cal823]

Thank you erlo :) you're an awesome person and your answer was excellent :)

[Clough]

Awesome, understanding and caring answers by erlobenauer and cal823, above! I hope that you read them thoroughly and take them to heart!

As I've already indicated in a private message to you, I do think that you need to work on yourself and that all of us do. The kind of person that we make ourselves to be in all aspects of personality and what/how we do things, are often the prime elements that attracts others to ourselves.

I do want to add now that water seeks it's own level. It's a basic law of physics. It's the same way with people. Most of us tend to seek out others who are like ourselves. We want to feel loved, a part of the crowd, needed and wanted, a sense of belonging.. Even though we might seek out people and situations in order to feel those ways, there may be some things that we as well as others might be doing, that are not as helpful towards achieving those goals.

A lot of times, when people post questions such as yours, there aren't any real quick "pat" answers or "cures." It might take some time to figure out what is really happening in a person's thinking as well as actions that might be hampering them to achieving a happy, healthy and productive life in their interpersonal relationships according to their individual needs and desires.

As far as how to work on yourself, it would help to know some additional things about you for discussion to be proactive and beneficial to you - like your age, the things that you like to do, what you think that you might have done in the past that may have caused things to not go so well for you in relationships and other things, what others may have done that might have contributed to a relationship going bad, the positive things that you have done in your life to achieve your goals, how you think that you could change for the better, etc.

You don't have to answer about all of them all at once. It will take some time to figure these things out. They are just some ways of thinking and actions that might have occurred that may need to be discussed.

You posted the following:

I asked you the following question earlier.
"Do you feel good about yourself and the things that you do, please?"

And, you answered with:

"yeah i am who i am i acept that and no not all the things i do"

You also made the following comment later:

"i have alot of mental issues when it comes to guys. one realationship i was in affected me really badly and im almost to scard to get into another. i was hurt bad and i can't shake that and i still have night mares to this day i just feel asthough i can't trust anymore and if i am with a guy i make sure i dont have feelings or get attached."

What was it about the one relationship that was so bad for you? I hope that you will share that with us. Thank you! :)

[kcey]

Hi! How are you? I only hit woman with my left hand as it is the weaker of my godly hands. I never shout too loudly at my woman and only start eating my dinner if she is done cooking it. I ask only that my food be fresh, and she bare as many children as Damion our lord would allow.

If you are interested in Greg Quinn please private message him or contact him at lowered expectations dating services

Greg, you are hilarious! That's awesome!

[Clough]

Greg, you are hilarious! That's awesome!

That's nice.

And now, back to helping Kayla-angel work through why she feels and thinks the way that she does and working on ways that might help her to cope with it.

[N0help4u]

I didn't bother with guys for three years. Worked on improving self since everybody says the only way to have a healthy relationship is to have yourself 100% together and still I ended up with yet another jerk. Two months later, I am ready to go another 3 years alone!
So, in other words, don't rush it cause it will end up being the same old same old. You are better waiting for the right one to come along.

[grammadidi]

In my experience you cannot usually find true love by actively seeking it. As others have intimated here, first you need to work on yourself and be as happy as you can be within. Do things that make you feel fulfilled. Follow your dreams and learn to feel comfortable within your own skin AND give of yourself to others.

Love will creep on you when you least expect it. I will tell you this. Men fall in love with women who feel good about themselves, who are self-confident, who have a good sense of humour and who are not afraid to just be themselves. Women who are emotionally needy might bring out the protective side in a man, but very rarely will this lead to a long term romance.

Statistics show that a romance that is most likely to succeed will be one with someone with similar interests, likes, dislikes, background/upbringing, religious beliefs, etc. That is not to say other relationships wouldn't work, but they will require more work to keep them together. So, pursue the things that bring you happiness inside, find ways to deal with your 'mental issues' where it comes to men and live the way you want to live. Once you are there - love may follow - but if it doesn't, at least you will be happy and fulfilled without it.

I hope this helps...

Hugs, Didi

[Kayla-angel]

Thank you every one for your posts. Now to tell you about the one realationship that well I think made me this way. Well this guy was great and months pasted and I fell in love with him. Not much longer after that he changed and I mean complete turn around, he became pocessive and very aggressive. It started with just verbal abuse which I handled, but then on to physical just every now and again until that turned into a dayly to weekly happening. I no what your thinking why the hell didn't you just leave. Well I tried more than once and tried reaching out for help and found none I was stuck. I almost wasn't aloud out of his site and if I even looked at another guy I was acursed of likeing him or having sex with him then I would get the bash. And if I ever refused him sex because of whatever reason usually because I was sore all over he would rape me. There's plenty more to be told but you won't want to hear it I'm sure. I have been very open here and so please don't respond in a hurtful way.

[cal823]

Ouch... you've had it rough
But, the stuff we have said still stands
And don't worry, very few guys are like that.
Also, yes you are right, you should have left. Now you know, if a guy hits you, hurts you intentionally, abuses you, or attempts rape, get out, he isn't worth staying with, you deserve better!
Your openness will help you to heal and stuff, and remember- you deserve someone perfect to you.
And please, we want to hear about all your problems, so we can help you. We have the time and we want to help you.
Thank you for your openness :)

[Clough]

i have been very open here and so please dont respond in a hurtful way.

There may still be some jerks who might still come along because this thread is now more likely to get noticed because it is more towards the top of the list of questions needing to be answered because there is current activity on it. But, like I said in my private message to you, just ignore them. :)

[cal823]

Clough is right, jerks isn't worth listening to, and if they being nasty, their opinions don't really count, and I feel sorry for them because they got a lot of tough lessons ahead.

[Kayla-angel]

Thanks clough I will

[FrOsT_bItE]

I think your trying to hard to find the right guy. Enjoy life being a single woman! And one day you'll find your prince charming, you just have to wait and POOF he'll be there!

[Kayla-angel]

Do you really think ill ever be able to have a real realationship with any one even if the right person comes along I push people away cause that's just what I do I put up barriers between me and any body who wants to get close the same goes with all well as I like to call them my aquintinces which could all be potential friends

[S SID]

You've had it hard girl, you really have. You need to feel good about yourself, feel confident and love yourself before you will be loved by someone else. When (not if) when you do find him, set out your stall and tell him what you want from it, you don't want lies, you don't want jelousy etc etc, at least that way he knows where he stands and can't complain if you end it because of these reasons, after all he was pre warned. Take it slowly, stand tall and go get your man, if he's worth anything he'll love you for you, respect you and treat you like a princess. Good luck.

[Clough]

Please remember what I have suggested in private to you Kayla.

Please be careful...

Take your time...

We will be here...

Gentleness and politeness will follow...

You have some other issues that we need to discuss beyond the way some people will respond here. And, I'm not referring to any one post in particular.

[Kayla-angel]

There is something I would like to discuss with you clough about this past weekend but I can't message you it says that you already have to many saved messages

[Clough]

there is something i would like to discuss with you clough about this past weekend but i can't message you it says that you already have to many saved messages

I have now emptied my mailbox some.

[Clough]

I am still waiting for a reply, Kayla.

Thank you! :)