Check out some similar questions!

secret_artist · Jul 4, 2007, 11:37 AM

I am a completely modest person, but let me start by saying that I am a professional 26 year old woman who just bought her first house on her own and to many, I have a lot going for me, career wise. I also exercise 5-6 times a week, because my health is very important to me. Everyone around me thinks I have the most perfect life... but deep down, I am emotionally unhealthy.

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years now, and it has its ups and downs. A lot of the emotional turmoil started when I first found the ex in house (I didn't catch any act doing). He poured his heart out to me, telling me that it was nothing and that I was the only girl in his life and that he loved me deeply... so on and so forth. Things went OK for a few months and then he moved away to take a job, about two hours away. This began to make our relationship stronger to some extent. But then, a "friend" meddled in our relationship and started some rumors that he has been cheating on me with 3 other girls. Now, there has been no actually catching him doing anything, just some sketchy behavior. We got that all cleared up but what bothers me is that I find myself checking his phone and seeing girls names that he told me he never talks to anymore. That is what confuses me. What also bothers me is that anytime he is on the phone and I walk in the room or come near him, he gets off the phone real quick like. Also, it seems there has been a lack of intimacy. Yes I know I can be a very emotional woman, but what woman isn't when she isn't getting in return the love and compassion that she is giving out. Sex seems like it never happens, and I guess I just want him to want me like I want him. Anytime I try to communicate with him on any subject relating to the relationship and yes I am usually crying at the moment, he tells me that I am 26 years old and that I need to grow up (he is younger than me by the way).

I guess I am looking for an answer of some sort or maybe just some help. I have been so emotionally unstable for so long that the stress has taken a toll on me. Sometimes I just feel like he doesn't care or even give a damn about me and I don't know what it will take to prove me otherwise. I guess that is just my stubborn self, I don't know.

Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

secret_artist

helpdave · Jul 4, 2007, 12:35 PM

Well, you have a problem. You are dealing with the 'I love him but don't want to seem crazy' syndrome, but internally it's killing you because you don't quite know if he is or isn't being faithfull.

You know what, you can sit here and debate it all day long about what to do but the only one who can make the right decision is YOU. You need to go someplace on your own and really think about what you want out of the relationship, is being on your own better than being in this relationship? Sooner or later you'll figure out want you want and get on with life. Just remember, not all relationships are like hollywood drama's, it is possible to find someone you really love and trust and not have to worry about where or what that are doing.
I didn't really give you the answer but I think you'll find no one but yourself can.

talaniman · Jul 4, 2007, 12:57 PM

I agree with Dave as I think you can benefit from some space of your own without the boyfriend around. It would be very healthy to get your own mind together, and find out why your not happy, and what is it you need to be happy. You need to find your own happiness, and put the doubts and drama in the past, so you can move forward.

HaRLoS · Jul 26, 2007, 09:01 AM

Do you trust him? Is the friend who is telling you these things reliable? Have you ever had a reason not to trust him? Has he ever done you wrong? These are all questions you need to answer before you can make your decision. You're the only one eligible to make this choice. If it were me, I would break up with him. Cause face it, one of the ways to know someone is cheating is lack of sex. Also because his ex was in your house, it would not matter if they are still friends and have been friends since they broke up. But if he all of a sudden starts talking to her, something is going on. You say you're a healthy, successful woman. In my opinion you can do much better.

Kimberly66 · Jul 26, 2007, 09:08 AM

I agree Harlos-
You don't need a man to make you happy, healthy, stable.. I've just learned this myself and I'm 40! Don't waste time on someone who won't give back to you- stand up for yourself- be strong! If you keep crying and chasing him he will use you like a doormat. More than likely he is messing around- everyone deserves to be loved and respected. Move on! Best of luck to you!

KelseyBom · Oct 24, 2007, 10:05 AM

I am going through something similar and to the other answers... it seems like an easy thing to do... "just leave him!", "you can do better!"... etc... and it may be so true but you love him, right? And you don't want to lose him even if you are stressed out and even if he may be cheating on you... it's so hard when you're in love. It blinds you to things you would normally see. I can't give you an answer either... if you leave, what if he really wasn't doing anything and you just threw everything you had away... but if you stay... what if he is cheating, you wouldn't want to stay of course.

I don't have an answer for myself on this so I couldn't answer you but the maybe you should just take a step back... maybe tell him you need time to figure all this out... if he wasn't doing anything wrong and if he does care and love you... he would fight like crazy for you. If he just lets you go... maybe he doesn't care?