[DJ1963]

Hello again missing, your story is so sad it breaks my heart. But listen, the future is a mystery. My story is very similar to yours and my ex just popped the question. I have not responded to him but I'm just saying you can't predict the future. It might all seem hopeless and you may never want him back but you might. I was with my ex for 5 years and he never hurt me before this. From what I've read in your story that this was the first time your ex ever hurt you as well. True? Well I sure have'nt made up my mind about my ex but I have to consider we had 5 wonderful years and that has to count for something.

[MissingHim2Much]

Thanks DJ I think that way too sometimes. My ex hasn't called but If he did he would have to do backflips to prove he loves me. If and when he did I would have to consider the past 7 years and how great they were.

[Ash123]

Just for the record... I think it is unhealthy to think this guy has potential.

It hurts like hell, but until there is an actual end, there cannot be a new beginning.

I cannot imagine the hurt and the pain, but you seem to be taking it with a sane approach somehow! Keep going....

[simranrajput]

Well mam its something crazy with me. I fell in love with one of my school seniors an year back.when I madly loved him I found that he was married and had a kid.but he said he loved me because I made him secure,I alwaz talked emotional things with him,made him feel like no one ever did.trust me till the end of the season he was madly in love with me.and I never had to even hold his hand.
Its emotional intimacy!! traet them like kid and they would love you.I left this man when I got to know abouut him although he wanted to leave family for me.cause sometimes in life its all about the right decision.
I would like to say that its good for you that you're not with him.coz you deserve better.
Wish you lucks...

[MissingHim2Much]

Hey guys,

I think all of you know my story by now. Anyway I thought I'd gone through all of the stages of grief at this point. I just hit the 2 month mark since my boyfriend left me for another woman, who he now lives with. I've been through shock, denial, anger, disbelief OK still at disbelief but I thought I was getting better. I try to keep busy, I hang out with family mostly, I watch funny movies and actually laugh at them. I'm past crying 24/7 now and I've gotten back into a somewhat normal patteren of eating and sleeping. Well at least better then I did at first. I didn't eat or sleep for the first week. The one thing I haven't been able to control are the constant memories that play in my head over and over. It's like a battle I can't seem to win. But now, after all the weeks of pain and heartache and slowly thinking I'm finally going to get through this. And like I said laughing and keeping busy, I'm starting to feel this onset of doom and gloom sinking in. It's like this overwhelming feeling of depression is taking over and I can't fight it. I was actually feeling better and coming to terms with all that has happened. I guess what I want to know from anyone that's been through this is, why after I felt better am I now having this sinking feeling that life is over for me now and it's just not worth anything anymore? Did any of you go through this deep depression even after you made progress? Is this normal or should I be worried?

[jeffatl]

The thing you have to realize is, YOUR NOT CRAZY! Losing a bf/gf is like losing a loved one, and grieving takes time. Nobody can put a time limit on how long this is going to hurt, and the truth is it might be a while before you feel 100%. What you really need to do is try and find something to keep your mind off this. I'm sure people have told you to work out, or find a new hobby... and you really do need to. The more time you have doing nothing, the more time you will pine over this. When me and my ex broke up it took me about 6 months to get over her, but about a year and a half to sort through the damage I ended up doing to myself. I think the best thing I could tell you is take your time, deal with this IN FULL before you move on. If you need to, keep a journal and just get your feelings out or they will eat you up. This place was that journal for me. I had more than a few melt downs on here, but in some crazy way it all made me stronger. You will make it through this, people go through break-ups all the time and even though you think NOBODY could ever feel as bad as you do... alot of us have. I think in some crazy way it's good for people that let themselves get too attached to a person (like me) go through a situation that makes them re-think the way they treat relationships. Don't shrug this off, learn from it. I know this sounds crazy, but in a year or so from now you will be much stronger. Also, don't think that not thinking about him means your over him because that's not true. Up until about 3 months ago I thought about my ex everyday... not always bad either. 2 moths is still not a very long time, take each step one at a time and GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL... please don't jump into another relationship until you have... if you do, you learn nothing fromt his and go right back into your old patterns. Don't worry about the depression unless it gets to a point you might do something stupid. It's natural to be depressed, you were hurt. You seem like a very intelligent woman, and I'm sure a very caring person, so there is no way you are "worthless". You are getting better, I promise. The crazy part is, you will just wake up one day, and not think about it... then when you do, it won't hurt near as bad... it's really strange but that's when you will know you are going to be fine. Just don't rush this, take your time and deal with it, learn from it, and let this make you a stronger person. If I can make it, so can you. Chin up!

[DJ1963_]

Great advice jeffatl.

[rol]

Hi missinghim,

As Jeff says its like a death, except its worse as you see the corpse around, and you hear about the corpse and in many cases the corpse contacts from time to time,

What you are feeling is so normal...

I've been through it last year , ups and downs all year... I found all the major days(anniversary, christmas, birthdays ) reminded me of the breakup.

One day I woke uip and he was no longer on my mind... the thoughts drift further and further away... kind of like a ship going out to sea.

Im fine now and have a happy life again. It takes time though.

You will be fine.

[madaman]

I agree 100% with the journal thing, Ive filled 50+ pages with rambling thoughts. A lot of times I will write to 'her' and tell her exactly what's on my mind, it's a harmless way of getting the thoughts out of your head without talking to the person. I have been in the same stage as you for the last week, and it's a HORRIBLE feeling I know.

Ive been reading this book I picked up in the self help section its called happiness now. Its kind of corny but it actually makes me feel partially better after reading some of it (if only for an hour or two). The book basically describes how to find happiness inside you. Im not one to read or recommend books like that, but surprisingly its made me feel a bit better a bunch of times.

Good luck, we will all get through this together some day!

[ilovcali]

And remember one thing, YOU ARE AMONG MILLIONS WHO ARE, AND HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS. Just look at this board. We all survived and we all went through all the motions you are going through.

I have only been through one awful break-up in my life. That was last year. Every other time, I was fine after 2-3 weeks, if that. But last year, it took me 5 months to fully get the POISON of my ex out of my system.

Getting through a tough break-up is probably analgous to kicking a bad drug problem. You're going through a remission. Some days you jones for the drug again, i.e. HIM/HER. You're doing fine. You've already kicked the habit, NOW YOU HAVE TO STAY STRONG.

And remember, every day that passes is one day closer to being FULLY OVER IT. You're on your way! YOU KNOW IT TOO!

--Cali

[GlindaofOz]

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better! I think that you have lived with this long enough that you are finally digesting it. I think for a long time this whole situation was just sitting on your chest completely paralyzing you. Now its starting to lift.

FYI the stages of grief:

Denial - The initial stage (ie "This can't be happening!")
Anger - i.e. WHY ME? Its not fair! Etc
Bargaining - i.e. "Just let them come back thats all I need"
Depression
Acceptance - "Its going to be okay"


CONGRATS! You look like you're at Acceptance! Pop the champagne girl!

[MissingHim2Much]

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better! I think that you have lived with this long enough that you are finally digesting it. I think for a long time this whole situation was just sitting on your chest completely paralyzing you. Now its starting to lift.

FYI the stages of grief:

Denial - The initial stage (ie "This can't be happening!")
Anger - ie WHY ME? Its not fair! etc
Bargaining - ie "Just let them come back thats all I need"
Depression
Acceptance - "Its going to be okay"


CONGRATS! You look like you're at Acceptance! Pop the champagne girl!

Thanks Glinda and Thank you everyone, This web site is a God send. Some answers have been compassionate and some a bit harsh but all in all everyone here does really care and that's so important to people in the midst of heartbreak. I have been through all of the stages listed above. But the one stage that seems to have the strongest hold on me is DENIAL!! I have waverd back and forth between every stage mentioned but I'm still in denial. I try to convince myself that he's the villain here, he's the one that hurt me, he's the one that threw away a 7 yr relationship for another woman. But then I tell myself no way, not him he loved me too much to do any of this. It's like he got taken over by an invasion of the body snatchers. Why do I still think he's the same loving, caring person he was?

[GlindaofOz]

Because that's how you knew him so of course that's how you still see him. Its like how your parents always still see you as a 5 year old. Its hard to switch off what you believed to be true.

[MissingHim2Much]

Sometimes I think about all I put into my 7 year relationship and everything I passed along to him that he is now sharing with his new girlfriend. When we first got together I spent lots of time making all of these fabulous meals for him ( cause mama always said the fastest way to a mans heart is through his stomach). Over the years he wanted to learn how to make all the same meals I had made for him. It wasn't just teaching him how to cook either, it was many things. To many to mention actually. Hell I even showed him how to find a woman's happy happy fun place, all of which he is now doing for her. I'm sure she thinks he's this great lover and that he's freakin Chef Boy R Dee and I'm sure she just thinks he's mr wonderful. Well who the hell does she think made him so wonderful. He certainly didn't come that way. Well not to me anyway. It just drives me crazy sometimes to think that she's reaping all the rewards for all my hard work. Don't get me wrong I do still love him and I miss him very much and the pain is still hard to deal with but I was just wondering if I'm the only one that thinks this way. Does it bother any of you that all you gave of yourself is now being shared with someone else?

[crushedovernover]

I know exactly what you mean.. I have the same feeling about my ex but I just let it all go the other day so I really don't care. Just always remember where he learned how to cook.

[MissingHim2Much]

I know exactly what you mean.. I have the same feeling about my ex but I just let it all go the other day so i really dont care. Just always remember where he learned how to cook.

I JUST LET GO!! I can't wait to be able to say that outloud and really mean it.

[needofhelp]

You are not alone, it bothers all of us. Well, I won't speak for everyone, but it's natural to be bothered that your loved one is now sharing everything you two once shared. There are things that you must have picked up from him that you will carry on and share with someone else. It doesn't have to be physical, it can be how to see things, or how to do something. A relationship isn't always one sided.

It hurts me that she's going to be with someone else, but what can you do? Try to pick up the pieces and move on. We will be stronger once we get through it. It can be a hard road, but know that you are not alone in feeling the way that you do. Stay strong. For every dark night, there's a brighter day.

[cerisa]

Missing Him, I have followed your posts for a while now. I hope you find some peace in your life soon. Heartache is a real pain as well as an emotional one, and it causes real damage to your body. Please, do something nice for yourself every day. A quiet moment with something you enjoy... warm bath, glass of wine, cup of tea, whatever. Know that many people are rooting for your "recovery" your situation is a sad one, but you can come out of it with your head held high. Best of luck to you.

[madaman]

Im in the same boat as you, and have very similar thoughts quite frequently. It will be so great when this pain is over won't it?

[stonewilder]

OMG I'm sorry but this is just funny because it is so true! I have nearly passed the point of caring anymore that she has what I made. I guess that's why I can laugh about it now. Someday you will be able to laugh about it too.