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Suz1234 · Oct 17, 2007, 11:27 AM

Don't know where to start here. I think my husband has some mental/emotional issues. We were on a beautiful Island for our 10 year anniversary and I sat on a couch watching TV, eating cheetos on that evening. He was acting very immature earlier that day (he is 44by the way), he was pissed that I said we should leave a bar because he was getting too drunk to drive and he flipped, so decided to "punish" me and another couple who were also on the trip by going to bed, instead of going out to dinner to celebrate. He created a very uncomfortable situation for all. This is the tip of the iceberg. Just one of the immature things he has done during our marriage. I don't think there is enough room to type all of how he makes me feel. I guess my question is, I think we are at a point in our marriage, that if something doesn't get done, I am going to leave. I want to suggest marriage counseling, but do not want a big drama over it. (We have very poor communication skills in our marriage, as you can see). Anyone have any advice?

RubyPitbull · Oct 18, 2007, 11:39 AM

Suz, I am sorry that you are so unhappy. Since you have been married for 10 years, I agree with you that it is important that you at least make some attempt to save your marriage, rather than just decide that it is time to end it. Communication really is the foundation in building a good and solid marriage/partnership. If you are uncomfortable bringing up the subject of counseling with your husband, I would suggest that you find a marriage counselor and go alone. You need someone to speak with in detail and in confidence about what exactly is going on. A good counselor will help you find ways to express yourself to your husband in a positive/constructive and non-confrontational way. Eventually, he/she will give you suggestions on how you can approach your husband to join you in the counseling sessions. Here is a link that will help you get started: The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

I wish you the best of luck. :)

julymermaid · Oct 21, 2007, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

Suz, I am sorry that you are so unhappy. Since you have been married for 10 years, I agree with you that it is important that you at least make some attempt to save your marriage, rather than just decide that it is time to end it. Communication really is the foundation in building a good and solid marriage/partnership. If you are uncomfortable bringing up the subject of counseling with your husband, I would suggest that you find a marriage counselor and go alone. You need someone to speak with in detail and in confidence about what exactly is going on. A good counselor will help you find ways to express yourself to your husband in a positive/constructive and non-confrontational way. Eventually, he/she will give you suggestions on how you can approach your husband to join you in the counseling sessions. Here is a link that will help you get started: The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

I wish you the best of luck. :)

I agree with Ruby. A 10 year investment can't just be thrown out of the window one fine day. And if you do feel that counselling will help, even if there is a drama over it , it is worth pushing for. Everyone has immature phases in their life and at times looks for their partner to tide them over it. I personally derive a lot of strength from knowing that in life if and when I do have such a phase, my husband will probably ride it out with me and be patient with me. Maybe he is just going through something like that . Do you have children? Is that something that has been holding you together to a degree in the past ? And look inside you... Is it just your husband who has changed ? Or do you yourself seem to be a little bored and listless recently? Good luck with the counseling and take care!

donf · Oct 21, 2007, 08:30 AM

Suz,

There is no quick fix for this situation. First I suggest that you take a hard objective look at his behavior. Determine if you are up against childlike petulant behavior, or alcohol.

If it is childlike behavior, whack him over the head with a limp macaroni elbow and get his adult attention. Remind him of his reality as it applies to you.

Ask him why sometimes he acts like such a child. Let him know you love the adult but his child like behavior has to stop.

If the problem is booze, please see your Priest, Pastor or Rabbi if you have one about doing an intervention. Also an equally wonderful source of assistance would be AA.

There's nothing you can do to help him, if he can't put the bottle down. That has to happen before he can actually repair himself. You can help by being supportive and understanding during the struggle, but he has to do the work. Do not do it for him or try to fix him. Be firm on yourself and him.

By the way, My wife and I went to Antigua for our 40th anniversary. Surf, sand, water, tropical isle, beautiful women, my wife smiling, laughing. Sailing on a sunset cruise, Moon-lit walks, Renewing vows, candlelit dinners, joint massages, Hugs, laughing. It was a terrific time. We stayed at a Sandals and it was the best time we've had in a long time.

The very last thing I wanted to do was upset my lady by doing something dumb! However I didn't totally succeed with that. We went for 5 days and actually stayed for 12 days, Bonnie had to force me to stay the additional 7 days. NOT!