[binbin]

I've been married for about 4 months. We've been together for over 4 years. I love my husband very much. He and I can be a real team - a force to be reckoned with. I'm aware that in order to make a marriage work that it takes effort. It's a real commitment that will constantly need to be worked on. I know that making things interesting for my husband will keep him interested in me. Or, so I thought.

My husband has a 6-year-old son from a previous marriage. He is 31 and I am 26. His son is a good little boy and I have a wonderful relationship with him. My husband is a committed father to his son. My husband is also in a band and has many friends in bands. He and I actually book hold local shows and help a lot of local bands with different areas. Lately, my husband has started recording and offering the bands free sessions so that he can practice and learn more skills.

I like the fact that my husband plays in a band and that we throw shows. I like the fact that he and I can share a lot of mutual friends. I like that my husband wants to keep learning and do new things.

I don't like, that in the process, I feel like I have been left behind.

My husband finds me sexually appealing. He calls me his "sex kitten." We don't have a lot of sex anymore, though. I'm not into it at all most the time.

Reasons being that in the bedroom, I can't cuddle with him or give him kisses and not have it lead to sex. He's always ready to pounce on me and I don't want to "," I just wanted to be close. And when we do have sex, he usually says crude things afterwards. Not mean, but crude. He thinks loving and gentle means slow and boring and we have a hard time finding common ground. Also, the most important part is that he thinks that sex is owed to him. Like he doesn't have to at all work for affection from me that I should just be there giving it to him. No sweet nothings, nothing like that. I've never once received not even a single petal from a flower from him.

But now I'm noticing patterns of the same in our day-to-day life. My husband seems to be so wrapped up in his work, his child, his band and his friends, that I'm merely a person putting home-cooked dinners on the table every night, the person who does all of the laundry and the entire house cleaning on top of working a full-time job. The domestic chores that I do, I don't mean to complain about them because I don't mind doing them, it's just that I feel like screaming at my husband sometimes, "Hey, Baby, it's me! I exist!"

I've talked to him about it and he doesn't seem to understand and retorts with some comment about him not being romantic and so forth. We used to have Friday night date night, but he turned it into Friday night sex night without a date and it was quickly dissolved.

On the day that we were married, I devoted myself to him. I have my own life, yes, with my family, friends and work (as does he). I just want my husband to be in love with me and show it.

The last three nights he's had band practice or studio sessions. During these last few days, I come home from work, clean up the house, make dinner, fix him a plate, set it aside, clean up the kitchen, watch TV, take a shower, and go to bed by myself. I've also tried to be extra loving so that he may notice me a bit more. This weekend, we don't have his son and I thought we would go out. But he already booked Friday, Saturday and Sunday with bands. I miss my husband.

Geez... this was long. Sorry.

[donf]

Bin Bin,

First it's not a big deal for him. When I first married I had no idea that a woman could not want or need sex. I'm a guy. I have three or four goals in life. Sex, food and football and of course sex.

It took me several years before I finally understood that there were times when my lady just wanted to be held or pampered by me and when I could not do that without dragging her into bed, I was hurting her. I was absolutley brain dead about this. However once I did learn our relationship became much better and deeper. Eventually after many many whacks over the head he'll get it to.

The response that he's not romantic is his way of telling you that he does not understand your needs or how to fill those needs. May I suggest that you tell him things like, "Hey, I need a hug please" If he asks why, tell him.

I've been married for 42 years and we were 18. My wife fascinates me, always has. She is remarkably sexual to me, but I biased. However, Sex is not why I'm fascinated by her. Its because of unexpected things. For example, we were living in Boyton Beach Fl. And were planning a picnic for a holiday. The holiday came along and it poured all day. Rather than letting the rain ruin her time, my lady, clothes and all, jumped into the pool, followed closely by me. She challenges me, she debates me, she has a steel I beam for a backbone. I could go on forever with reasons for loving her as I do, but I'm afraid they would bore you.