[LoveJMS]

Im in a 4 year relationship right now with the father of my baby. We love each other, but on a daily basis we are constantly arguing, yelling, bickering, the whole nine (nothing physical though). We both cross the line of dis-respecting one another. There will be times where he is yelling and cursing in front of the baby and I tell him not to yell in front of her, and he just tells me that he can do/say whatever the "f**" he wants.

I feel like everything is falling apart. Our love life.. I mean, what love life?? There is none. There is a whole list of things that I can say about our relationship that is just bad. I try to sit and think of the pro's and con's in our relationship and I can't believe why I think I should stay with him...

PRO:
1. The money is good (when we combined both of our incomes).
2. We have our baby together.
3. We are able to afford the nicer things.
4. Im an 100% comfortable around him.
5. We do love each other under all this animosity.

CON:
1. We are getting very disrespectful towards one another.
2. We are becoming controlling with each other.
3. The name calling is getting worse.
4. Sex is horrible.
5. Im not happy and haven't been for a while.

All the bitterness has come to feel normal. All I can think about is leaving him and being single again... being happy, free.

I know that if I leave him, that I will miss him. I know he will be hurt too. I don't want to hurt him. I've tried leaving him before in the past (way before the baby) and I ended up asking him to take me back! He didn't even want to try again. I had to convince him.

He thinks everything is my fault. When I ask him to talk to me nicely, he says that he only talks to me that way, because that's how I talk to him. Whenever I try to talk about our problems, he doesn't think he has any fault to them. I think he feels like he has this power in the relationship because he makes more money than me. Sometimes I feel like he just wants me to be him "woman"... and I can't take it.

When we're arguing, I get so enraged with anger, I feel like I need to break something, or hurt him physically (because he's hurting me inside).

We are both very young... Im 21 and he is 23. I don't know if I should get out of this relationship while we are still young, or stick though the tough times. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY BABY GIRL MORE THAN ANYTHING, but sometimes I feel like everything is one big mistake... does anyone else feel like that? Is that wrong?

Im just SOO SOO tired of being hurt by the man that I though was my life partner. I know I have added fuel to the fire as well, but it seems like he doesn't even want to try and make things better... Like I said, he places all the blame on me...

Everything is my fault. Maybe he is right. If I didn't push him to get back together with me a few years ago, I probably could have found someone who respects me more, and actually cares when Im down. He doesn't care to satisfy me sexually... he has gone down on me ONCE!! When ever we have sex, he is ALWAYS done in less then 5-10 minutes (right when I start to feel good). He doesn't care if I have an orgasm or not! Just the other night, I swear, it was the BEST sex ever! It was lasting for a long time (never happens) and then when I was trying to get it on again the next night, he didn't want to... he said that it was "BORING" Is that what I have to look forward to??

Im getting REALLY pissed off writing all of this, so Im going to stop now, because my sadness has turned into anger... once again!

So please, anyone... if you are going through the same thing, or have gone though this, or even just have some advice on what I am supposed to do, let me know!!

[talaniman]

ALL young relationships take WORK from both partners. Make no mistake, YOU are in a young learning relationship.
1-Recognise that he is not responsble for your happiness.
2-You both (young as you are) ARE the problem!!
3-

When we're arguing, I get so enraged with anger, I feel like I need to break something, or hurt him physically (because he's hurting me inside).

Yes, I have felt as you do, but I was young, and so immature at that time. So are you!
4-

I don't know if I should get out of this relationship while we are still young,

Or you could establish communications and work together to resolve your problems to the benefit of you both! DAH!

[elizabeth583]

Because I think that he needs to realize that it hurts to be disrespectful to her in a bad way.

[N0help4u]

You should start treating him more like he means everything to you. He could feel like what is the use and letting the relationship spiral downward in the direction it is going so it has to be up to you to be the one that tries to turn it around. Until he sees a change in you he will stay the same.
Then after you are doing everything you can and he still is argumentive and disrespectful then post how things are going and we'll take it from there.

[enigmagnetic]

First of all, you guys are fighting in front of your child which is pretty much the point of no return if you keep it up. This may sound simple but here is the bottom line, get couples counseling asap. Just do it. Tell him he has to sign up and handle it. Your kid will be highly affected witnessing that often. So if you won't go for yourselves go for the kid.

[sunflower88]

I think the stress and pressure of having a baby at such a young age has taken you both for a rollercoaster ride. You expect him to "man-up" and be the total knight for you, but you have to do some of the work too. I think communication is missing. You are two young adult who have taken on a HUGE responsibility and now you have to do right by the child. Grow up quickly and that means talk and communicate as parents must. You have to think of the child's interest first and not say the first nasty thing that comes into your mind when you are angry. Tolerance, patience and compromise have to be the cornerstones of your relationship now.

I suggest you guys take some time together, leave the baby with mom or someone you trust and go away to talk. And really talk. Lay everything on the table. The good the bad and what is expected from each other and what each other can contribute. Try to focus on the love you both have for each other that made you have a baby together in the first place and go from there.

Good luck! :-)

[LoveJMS]

I don't want my daughter to see us like this, IT KILLS ME!!

I try so hard not to yell in front of her, well, I try not to yell in general. Sometimes, I just don't think before I speak, and it all comes out at once. I have mentioned couples therapy in the past, and he has been up for it. I know the odds are against us, and the situation we are in. We are both very young, and I know couples this young w/ childern more than likely just give up. Im trying so so very hard not to give up on us.

I don't want to be that girl... that girl that got pregnant too young and ended up a single mom. Those two words scare me more than anything "single mom".

Im going to mention to him again, the couples therapy. Im sure he'll be more than willing (still) to give it a try.

[Ash123]

You are in a terrible spot. I know it is eating at you.
Here are 10 things you can do NOW:

1) Don't yell - ESPECIALLY in front of the child (a bit white trashy)
2) Take time out for yourself with friends (he takes the baby)
3) He takes time out with his friends (you take the baby)
4) You "date" each other.
People are on their best behavior when courting. You are both over that and are not interested in impressing. Mutual respect is not enough for you. THAT IS A BIG PROBLEM.
Tell him you need to go back to where you started, and have sexual relations when you have both had a nice evening... and if not, don't force it. You can get a sitter and go out, or dine after child asleep. Small gifts are nice too (when appropriate).
5) Movie Night
Find a movie you both like... Every week you have to BOTH decide on one... One person cooks/ buys each time - alternating.
6) TALK TIME
Try to have 5 quality minutes a day... Eye to eye. No cell phones or computers allowed. Then build up by 5 minutes every 10 days. But create
Time to talk about an issue from your day or work that you want an opinion on. This time can be after dinner... or after child asleep.
7) If he yells, say you do not want to yell...
And walk away. And sit down. If he follows, then say you don't want to yell. You want to talk. If he does not follow, say you would not like to be yelled at.
8) Apologize
If there are things you feel guilty about or yelled about, get it out. And say that you hope you both can stop fighting now and remember why you dated and married and that the stress of a new life and child is a lot of new things - and you are both adjusting.
9) Create an event FOR him... A sports dinner around a game... A dinner out with friends... An item he has wished for... Why not? You love him (or did) and this is a great way to remind him... We have parts of ourselves that go dormant if they are not nurtured/awakened/encouraged. If he cannot respond after you attempt 1-9, head to #10 FAST! (maybe even before 9 if you feel like quitting... )
10) Get counseling (Your GP doc will gladly give you good names)

GIVE first and see if he can give too... If he cannot, counseling should help... I would not visualize ending this now.
Work for a year on being stronger and MORE RESPECTFUL - together. Then, see...