[livefree]

I am in my 30s and a long time friend (late 40s) has got his hands full with his prescription pill abusing wife, gay son, and promiscuous teenage daughter.

I have know her since she was a baby and she always had a "little girl crush" on me. I have brought my girlfriends over and introduced them, but this has had no effect. She has always been a very touchy feely kind of person, as is her mother and father.

A few nights ago I went to my friend's house with a coworker to soak in the hot tub. His daughter found we were there and decided to join us. What followed was a utterly mortifing. She was grabbing my leg and putting her foot in my crotch and hitting on me, I expected her dad to say something but he did not. I said several times to "get off me already and keep to yourself". I switched places in the tub to sit next to my coworkers but she was not having any of it. She moved over too. I finally gave up and got out. Later when her dad was in the shower and my coworker was in the bathroom. She cornered me and in a very forward manner attempted to kiss me, I pushed her back and told her that her behavior was not appropriate and she should be nice.

I believe that she had been drinking or was on some kind of drugs. When I told her father what happened he said that she was in a "strange mood" and her hormones were going crazy. Apparently this is "normal behavior" from her. I don't think that she listens to her father anymore about the right ways to act in public. I don't believe that other men would react the same way I did and I am concerned for her safety.

How do I talk to her about her behavior without hurting her feelings and help this obviously troubled teen?

[Clough]

For one thing, you don't handle it. It isn't your responsibility. This is not a good situation. In spite of your feelings in the past about her family and her, you need to deal with things the way that they are in the present. It would be good if things could work out so that everyone is safe, happy, friends and free from the potential of harm. But, it doesn't look like that will be the case for awhile with this particular family. They need some help. You need to deal with the reality of the instability the way it is right now. Protect yourself and do what you can to try to help the entire family.

Absolutely don't speak to her by yourself! Please have a witness present if and when you do! Please don't touch her and avoid being alone with her. She could say anything about you, and that could lead to a real mess with the law and social service type people. Besides that, it isn't really your responsibility to be talking with her about this. It should be her parents.

Where is her mother in all of this, by-the-way?

I would really distance yourself from her if I were you and also any situation where she could try to do something to you. Sounds like both she and her family could really use some counseling!

It's okay to be concerned about her safety. Just watch your back as well.

I am sure that others will be along to offer their advice to you.

[Wondergirl]

I suspect her parents don't set boundaries for her and don't seem to "notice" her bad behavior. Actually, one has to feel sorry for her, that she has been brought up to think this sort of thing is OK. I too wonder where her mother is. (I could send mine over, if you wish. One look from my mother would straighten out this girl.)

Like Clough said, don't be alone with this girl. She could really mess up your life, especially if she decides to feel rejected by you. Always be with at least one other (sober) person when you are within 50 feet of her. Five sober people would be even better. Make no attempt to counsel her or her family. I'm surprised her father wasn't furious over her behavior when you were in the hot tub. Oh, yeah. That reminds me. Avoid wearing less than a suit of armor when she's anywhere around (remember--the requisite 50 feet).

I am a counselor but it's nearly 2:30 a.m. and bedtime. I will think on this and post again. Meanwhile, others with cool heads will be happy to advise you.

[cerisa]

Do your hot tubbing in another tub already. This aggressive girl is just getting started, stay away! If her dad being present, and a woman you are seeing is not deterrent enough , you certainly can't say or do anything to make her act like an innocent young girl. Also, rejection may make her desperate, as if all that were not desperate enough. What a mess of a family.

[pinkface92]

Well you handled it well in that situation. Try 2 stay away from that girl or she could potentially get you in trouble, even if you don't do anything. Keep trying 2 talk to her parents and if that doesn't work, then just leave it alone3.

[livefree]

For one thing, you don't handle it. It isn't your responsibility. This is not a good situation. In spite of your feelings in the past about her family and her, you need to deal with things the way that they are in the present. It would be good if things could work out so that everyone is safe, happy, friends and free from the potential of harm. But, it doesn't look like that will be the case for awhile with this particular family. They need some help. You need to deal with the reality of the instability the way it is right now. Protect yourself and do what you can to try to help the entire family.

Absolutely don't speak to her by yourself! Please have a witness present if and when you do! Please don't touch her and avoid being alone with her. She could say anything about you, and that could lead to a real mess with the law and social service type people. Besides that, it isn't really your responsibility to be talking with her about this. It should be her parents.

Where is her mother in all of this, by-the-way?

I would really distance yourself from her if I were you and also any situation where she could try to do something to you. Sounds like both she and her family could really use some counseling!

It's okay to be concerned about her safety. Just watch your back as well.

I am sure that others will be along to offer their advice to you