[lmnotok]

I wonder if I should do the same :confused:

Different situ but not out of the question. HMMmm. I like your angry statement too, I think if I were to be mean I would use what you said. Are you routinely yelling at people?

No, I rarely am angry at people and only yelled at people once or twice in my life as far as I'm concerned. But if I were you, I would yell because this woman has not been nice to you for quite a long time. Her last text message to you was wayyyyyy meaner than my angry statement.

If you are always afraid of what people think that leads to being unable to express what you feel or think ---> you die inside.

[Greg Quinn]

I think she was keeping you on the side just in case it never worked out with the new guy. Sorry to hear your problem man, not fun letting the minds imagination get away from you. Get out have fun and time will heal this. Good luck

[tatertot]

D/star I think I am detecting some pride in you. I know this woman has been mean but if your feeling are that strong then you need to stop your pride and tell her how much you want to marry her and how sorry you are for not doing it sooner. At least you would have let her know how you are feeling what she chooses to do after that, is up to her. Tell her how you feel and give her an opportunity to either come back and make things right or to stop calling and bothering you so you can move on. I don't understand why she keeps stressing you out about your xwife when you divorced her. Doesn't she get it. Anyway, swallow your pride, tell her you love her and want marry her, exactly how you feel. If she decides to come back great then you will get married, if on the other hand she keeps saying she is confused. Just tell her to stop calling you until she know definitively what she wants. At least after that you will have the satisfaction of knowing that she knows how you feel and you can move on knowing that you did your part.

[tatertot]

Ok everyone, you all are going to say yeah I told you so.She called me this morning 6 times before I finally answered. This has been the usual crap. She says she loves me but is still confused and doesnt know what to do. This game is so awful. I know I shouldnt have answered the phone, what is wrong with me? I didnt beg I just said you need to make up your mind and I am not waiting. She is still obsessing about my ex wife. Plus how its all about my time table and why I didnt ask her to marry me before. This is so retarted! I am such a moron for being this caught up in it all. Please you all help!!!! I need to know how to shut this down. I am not crying, honest I am just so angry now. All she is doing is just playing games with me. What can I do everyone? I need to remove myself. Man I shouldnt have answered. I am such a moron. GOD all that work and time gone down the drain. Now I have to start all over again. Please you all help me!!!!!!

How old is this woman?

[Homegirl 50]

I agree, but I don't think she is being mean, I think she is hurt. As I stated in an earlier post, you two are adults, there is no reason you can't sit down and have an honest heart to heart and figure this thing out. You two either have enough love for each other to make it, or it's too late, but at least you both will know where you stand with each other.

[Diamondstar03]

Thank you all for your replys. I am so messed up and confused. This is so not fair to me, what a crock of SH%T. I deserve better than this. I really don't want this to be over, but I can't take this game crap anymore. It has been over 5 years and it seems like it means zero. So screw it, I can't fix it if I don't have help from her side. I will just let her go.

[Homegirl 50]

Did you have the talk with her? What is it you expect from her? This mess is both of your making. You are not the only one in pain. So is she. She is not playing a game she is hurting as well.
This is not un fair, it's life. It is the consequence of both your actions.

[Diamondstar03]

Homegirl 50 and tatertot, I did what you all mentioned already. I am so upset. I just can't take all this crap anymore. All she keeps saying is that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. She says she misses me and loves me but doesn't want to go back to the way things were,I told her I don't either. I want to marry you and for us to be happy. She still is being difficult. I feel like I am just being played games with. She is still seeing someone else and gets off the phone when he comes around. What a sham. He knows all about me and I have no idea who it is. She keeps a few things of my at her house and won't throw them away. I told her I don't want anything I got all that was mine. This is complete crap. I deserve better. I know it sounds like I am not swallowing my pride, but its not like that anymore. She is just breaking my heart every time she won't try. I feel like I am the only one wanting to fix the relationship. I know it is both of us that made the mess. I am the one who wants to fix it though, she seems just be playing with me. I used to believe she was hurting, but her actions show something different. What I expect from her is to give a little and make an effort. She just wants to contact me when she is feeling sad, just so she can here me say I love you and want to fix this. This has gone on long enough. She keeps doing this every month or so, or when she hears I have been out on a date or talked to my ex wife. What a sham. She doesn't care about me or love me. Just wants to string me along. I am so ignorant for believing in this. I am so upset with myself. All I wanted to do was to be happy and make her happy. Seems I have failed horribly and am getting what I deserve. Can anyone tell me how to cope with this anymore? She is playing me, you can't love someone while you are seeing someone else and not even seeing, talking, being with the person you are saying you love and miss and care about. Please how can I either prove to her she is what I want and love, or how can I be apathetic and move on? I am so confused, why won't she just go and stop toying with me? I am not the one who contacts her at all, she does me and then tells me the same thing over and over. I can't take the games. Help me please. I want to make it work, but if she doesn't even show anything like she wants that to then I want to move on. I can't keep hoping she will want us. Help me you all, I need some kind of action to really make this final one way or the other. PLEASE HELP ME!

[Diamondstar03]

I was doing so good, now I am just back to hurting again. I just love her and care for her. But I love her enough to let her go, since that is what she said she wanted. Why can't she let me go, or try to fix what we messed up? This kills me and its hard to think without my heart pushing my mind to remember all about her and all the images surface and I can't take it. Sorry you all for acting desperate, just am missing her and feel helpless to do anything about it. As soon as I just tell myself to let go, something else happens. I just have too much emotion for her and can't suppress it. Help me guys, sorry!

[tatertot]

Homegirl 50 and tatertot, I did what you all mentioned already. I am so upset. I just can't take all this crap anymore. All she keeps saying is that she is confused and doesnt know what she wants. She says she misses me and loves me but doesnt want to go back to the way things were,I told her I dont either. I want to marry you and for us to be happy. She still is being difficult. I feel like I am just being played games with. She is still seeing someone else and gets off the phone when he comes around. What a sham. He knows all about me and I have no idea who it is. She keeps a few things of my at her house and wont throw them away. I told her I dont want anything I got all that was mine. This is complete crap. I deserve better. I know it sounds like I am not swallowing my pride, but its not like that anymore. She is just breaking my heart everytime she wont try. I feel like I am the only one wanting to fix the relationship. I know it is both of us that made the mess. I am the one who wants to fix it though, she seems just be playing with me. I used to believe she was hurting, but her actions show something different. What I expect from her is to give a little and make an effort. She just wants to contact me when she is feeling sad, just so she can here me say I love you and want to fix this. This has gone on long enough. She keeps doing this every month or so, or when she hears I have been out on a date or talked to my ex wife. What a sham. She doesnt care about me or love me. Just wants to string me along. I am so ignorant for believing in this. I am so upset with myself. All I wanted to do was to be happy and make her happy. Seems I have failed horribly and am getting what I deserve. Can anyone tell me how to cope with this anymore? She is playing me, you can't love someone while you are seeing someone else and not even seeing, talking, being with the person you are saying you love and miss and care about. Please how can I either prove to her she is what I want and love, or how can I be apathetic and move on? I am so confused, why wont she just go and stop toying with me? I am not the one who contacts her at all, she does me and then tells me the same thing over and over. I can't take the games. Help me please. I want to make it work, but if she doesnt even show anything like she wants that to then I want to move on. I can't keep hoping she will want us. Help me you all, I need some kind of action to really make this final one way or the other. PLEASE HELP ME!!

D/star, if you told her you loved her and want to marry her and she is still playing games and living with another man, then I am sorry to say but if she really loved and cared about you no matter what may have transpired, she would not be screwing someother guy and playing around with your emotions. You are very right she is using you to get comfort. She probably doesn't want you but for her ego she still wants to know that you are still moping around over her. That is why she only calls you when she has heard you are dating someone else. She just wants to keep a hold over you. She has moved on to someone else but she does not want you to move on it seems and she knows what calling you does to you. So if you really want to take a big step of action toward moving on you should just change your telephone #. It works. Then the next time she call she will hear " this number is no longer in service" and then it will finally dawn her that it is really over and you are not up for games. If she really loves you and was meant for you this action will be a wake up call to her and she may show up to your house in efforts to mend things. On the other hand if she does not love/ care about you she will not take any action and from there you have room to move on without her calling you and messing with your head. It's a win win situation.

[Diamondstar03]

Tatertot, yeah that sounds like it exactly. Although I would love to change my #. I don't have a home phone, all I have is a cell # and well I can't change it cause it is a company phone. I am on call 24/7 and it is paid for by the company. It would be such a hassle to get a new number. I may have to do that, but I would have to make all sorts of changes at work to get that right. I would have done that already if it was my cell. I agree with your opinion %100! I think it is such crap. She is so using me to feel better. I am not going to let this continue. I cannot play any more games with my already shattered heart. This is just horrible I am being done this way. Is there any other way to wake her up? Thanks for the help.

[Homegirl 50]

Then what you need to do is tell her not to call you any more. As long as she is with someone else, she not wanting to be with you. Tell her to just move on and leave you alone.
So you do still have some contact with your ex wife and you do date?

[Diamondstar03]

Homegirl 50, I have been out dating yes. It is hard cause I am so heartbroken, but it has been a nice way to spend time without thinking about my breakup. I called my exwife just to cause I was so angry the day my girlfriend texted me bye. It was just to go off and tell her thank you for playing a part in making this all come about. She is not the one who caused it I know, but just wanted her to know what she did by playing the victum real well and having everyone turn against me effected my bringing my GF around cause I had nobody and now everyone can get a big laugh at my expense. However I cooled off and we just cleared the air and got some closure over things. It is hard to date, I am so in love with my ex and can't see anyone else that way. Even after she has done all this. Man how pathetic am I? I just want to feel better. I will once again keep NC in place. This is the best I can do. I deserve better.

[Homegirl 50]

Well don't say you deserve better, your wife desreved better, after leaving your wife, your girl friend desreved better than to be strung along for two years. You are reaping what you have sown.
That being said, I hope you get over this woman and move on. Don't have anymore contact with her. And don't take relationships for granted. Feelings are involved.
You are not pathetic just hurting, it will pass.

[Diamondstar03]

Hey Homegirl 50, you are right my exwife did deserve better I do agree. And yes my GF deserved better for the time that was dragged out I agree, I know I am reaping what I have sown, it was just so hard on everyone when it was going on, why do it all over again on the flipside? We all now how hurt it made everyone, it was very hard on me durning that to I am not just this guy who intentionally went out to have an affair. I am not like that, but yes it happened and it has made me feel awful about my morals. Just can't explain my feelings with it. Anyway, I will keep NC in place. I appreciate your words. I know its hard when someone does pull this, but I feel like I do not deserve this all over again. I can't take the whole "you did it so now you have to wait" thing, I did all this so I would not have to hurt again and be with the one my heart told me to. Oh well, I am trying to not take things for granted, I just hate how she is hurting me but love her. I shouldn't love her, cause why should I love someone who wants to hurt me?

[Homegirl 50]

I don't know that that she wants to hurt you, or maybe she does, I don't know. But you know the situation is not a good one, so just go on with your life. Don't contact her and soon she will stop contacting you. You will get through this, it won't be painless, but you will get through this.
I really do wish you well.

[tatertot]

Tatertot, yeah that sounds like it exactly. Although I would love to change my #. I dont have a home phone, all I have is a cell # and well I can't change it cause it is a company phone. I am on call 24/7 and it is paid for by the company. It would be such a hassle to get a new number. I may have to do that, but I would have to make all sorts of changes at work to get that right. I would have done that already if it was my cell. I agree with your opinion %100! I think it is such crap. She is so using me to feel better. I am not going to let this continue. I cannot play any more games with my already shattered heart. This is just horrible I am being done this way. Is there any other way to wake her up? Thanks for the help.

Maybe you can Block her #. If you call your cell phone company they maybe able to block it for you. If she can't get a hold of you that will wake her up big time. Coz right now she has the comfort of knowing she can just pick up the phone and call you as and when she feels like it.

[Diamondstar03]

3 full days again of NC. I wish I would have not answered the phone now. I would have been well over the month hump. 7 calls within 30 minutes. I really thought she was going to be serious. Now I am just a fool for hoping. I need strength real bad :(

[Homegirl 50]

I just threw some at you in the form of a prayer. You will get through this day as you got through yesterday. Hang in there.