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trm119 · Oct 16, 2007, 04:37 PM

We have been dating for almost 5 years now... in 7 months it will be exacally 5 years. We have attepted to whole wedding thing but a week before we got married he called it off he said that he had cold feet! I don't understand and don't know why we haven't just already got married!:(

Clough · Oct 16, 2007, 05:01 PM

What else has he said for reasons other than he had "cold feet," please?

trm119 · Oct 16, 2007, 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

What else has he said for reasons other than he had "cold feet," please?

... that he wanted to have time to have fun! He was only 20 he said! And he had his whole life ahead of him! But that was a year ago why is he still waiting around?

Emland · Oct 16, 2007, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by trm119

...that he wanted to have time to have fun! he was only 20 he said! and he had his whole life ahead of him! but that was a year ago why is he still waiting around?

Because you are putting up with it! You have been together 5 years and he doesn't think you are going anywhere.

N0help4u · Oct 16, 2007, 07:18 PM

I'd say it is time to tell him that you want to get married or else get on with your life.

RubyPitbull · Oct 17, 2007, 06:01 AM

The more you push, the more he will resist. Basic human nature, especially at your age. From what I gather, you are "high school sweethearts." It sounds like he just isn't ready for a commitment to you and you are allowing him to have complete control of the relationship. If someone called off a wedding to me a week before the actual event, I would have broken off the relationship and walked away. He isn't showing you the kind of respect you deserve. You aren't showing yourself the kind of respect you deserve. What reason does he have to commit to you now when you are letting him know you will always be waiting for him? You need to develop other interests and not put all your energy into getting your boyfriend to marry you. Do things for yourself. Be as selfish as he is being. Get busy with things that interest you other than this guy. You are setting yourself up for an unhappy life if you don't find your own hobbies and interests outside of this relationship. If you force the marriage issue, he won't be entering into it because he really wants to be with you for the rest of his life, and you will find yourself divorced down the road. Have you dated other people? How do you know that he is The One if you haven't had an opportunity to develop a relationship with other people. I would suggest you think about taking a break from him and date other people. One of a few things can happen with that, two of which are -- either he will miss you so much and realize that if he doesn't make a commitment to you, he will lose you or you will find someone else who is more dedicated to your happiness and you will be thankful you didn't marry this guy.

donf · Oct 18, 2007, 05:27 AM

TRM119,

My question is, why haven't you considered letting him go play and you picking up your life and moving on. There is an expression I have heard for more than a few guys about women who are always there for them. Its crude but here it is, "Why by the cow, when the milk is free?"

If after 5 years he is not capable of committing to you as you are to committing to him because he's young and wants to play, please tell him to go play in someone else's playground, your playground is no longer open to a child like him. And when he actually grows up, invite him to stay away from you!

Marriedguy · Oct 23, 2007, 09:45 AM

Clearly, we can see he is not ready for marriage and may never be. It could the wedding he is scared of? If you really want to be married to this guy city hall will due.

Why are some women making marriage out to be sooo important? You set goals for yourself. Finish High Shool, finish College, get Married and have two kids, 1 boy and 1 girl. Unlearn this BS.

Listen... does this man love you? Are you the only woman he is with? Does this man make you happy?

If you answered yes to all these questions then why are worry about when or if you two will be married?

If you answered no to the questions why do you want to marry him things do not get better because you are married.

This is coming from someone who waited years 7 and a son later to get married. It's a long story... :)