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crushedovernover · Oct 13, 2007, 11:05 AM

Hey I just got a question. Ive been doing OK, ups and downs but leveling me self off. But I was pondering, I know I am to give her space and let her live fine and dandy. What my question is , on the on and off times if I was always the one to chase her and get her back is that the same as her coming back on her own? What I'm getting at is, this time I have had nC and taking this very seriously. Im not trying to get my ex back because what she did to me was terrible. Im just curious to see if you consider me getting her back or her coming back with no intervention from me the same.. Do you think it is two different actions or no? Thx :)

needofhelp · Oct 13, 2007, 12:34 PM

Others will say what is chased will run. I don't know the circumstances of your situation, so I can not say if you need to apologize for doing something or if she just wants her space. The cliché "If you love her, let her free, if she comes back it was meant to be, if she doesn't she was never yours." As hard as it maybe, its true. If she wants to be with you, she will make the move. Let her see how life is without you, and if she misses you, then heck, let her make the move. If that time comes, you need to ask yourself if she's worth it and will she leave again. If you chase her and convince her to come back to you, it might seem like an accomplishment, but how do you know if she's not just in the moment. Stay strong and focus on yourself. Good luck brother.

AKaeTrue · Oct 13, 2007, 12:41 PM

I believe it to be two different things.
If someone comes back due to being chased, it might be out of pity for the chaser.
If someone comes back on their own, more than likely it's a genuine feeling.
Hope that makes sense.

crushedovernover · Oct 13, 2007, 10:21 PM

Welll staying strong is what I'm doing. Today I went and got some furniture for my place and THE IRNOY is that when I walked out she was parked three cars down from mine. The odds of her being at that store on a sat afternoon is beyond me. As much as I wanted to go back in the store I didn't. It was tough trust me but I didn't go back. I am focusing on myself. She always said while we were together for me to give her time to miss me. So that is what I'm doing but not waiting. If she comes back she will have to prove her self. But I'm really focusing on my goals.

talaniman · Oct 13, 2007, 10:35 PM

If you read the post on this forum, when people get healthy, they not only let go, they do not go back. They move forward with a better understanding of themselves.

crushedovernover · Oct 14, 2007, 08:20 AM

And tali I am learning a lot about myself and this whole event has really open up my eyes. Your right I should look forward, but I can't predict the future. I can't say I will never take her back because at this moment I don't know what I would do..

So if I always chased her to come back then what your saying is she has never come back on her own..

We will just see. Im really focused on myself. I haven't done anything to get her backor I haven't done any thing to grab her attention, although it seems she has been trying to get a rise out of me.

Jiser · Oct 14, 2007, 09:21 AM

Best to get healthy without her. Then you get the best of both worlds. You give her the space to grow and you become happy alone without her. If she doesn't come back - she was the dumper? Then you don't loose anything as you won't care anymore.

needofhelp · Oct 14, 2007, 03:05 PM

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

So if I always chased her to come back then what your saying is she has never come back on her own..

We will just see. Im really focused on myself. I havent done anything to get her backor i havent done any thing to grab her attention, althought it seems she has been trying to get a rise out of me.

Do not chase her. You will only be spinning your wheels and getting no where fast. Actually you will get somewhere, just going backwards. I admit trying to talk it out in the first few days it happened, but it didn't work. You know why? She's already made up her mind, and knows what she wants. I don't even bother calling or contacting her. Do not fall into the mind games some people will play. She is probably shocked that you are not chasing her, and want to get that rise out of you. Don't give her that satisfaction. It's easier said than done, but you have to hold your ground. She made a choice of not being with you, and she has to live with it. Continue focusing on yourself.

Jiser · Oct 14, 2007, 03:41 PM

Dude its you who's important. Every time I went after my ex I found she had another BF. I know she had one and she has one now since I last saw and god knows what else. Don't be let down like me. If you can be happy alone and enjoying your own life. Your be a OK! The right one will come along soon enough.

crushedovernover · Oct 14, 2007, 05:35 PM

Thanks fellas and I agree. Her and I have a son, and our history is tremendous.. But this is what I'm doing. I have not contacted your right it was her decision not to be together so I am letting her live with it. I know she will be back.. I won't chase her and I know she is scratching her head wondering why I'm not. And trust me on this one that soon is going to hit the fan and she will be calling non stop. I will explain more what I mean in a few days and I'm sure a lot of you guys will have a laugh about it, But yeah giving her space and being happy and going out and doing things for me. I just bought a bunch of new furniture and it looks so good in my house. I know she does drive bys.. I mean she might not but the chances are she does.. So when she does and she looks in the window and see's how different it looks she will wonder. Im almost getting satisfaction by being stronger with out her, Because I know she is going to crash and burn from her little cloud 9 trip and I will just be lol away.

enigmagnetic · Oct 14, 2007, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

Hey I just got a question. Ive been doing ok, ups and downs but leveling me self off. But i was pondering, I know I am to give her space and let her live fine and dandy. What my question is , on the on and off times if I was always the one to chase her and get her back is that the same as her coming back on her own? What im getting at is, this time i have had nC and taking this very seriously. Im not trying to get my ex back because what she did to me was terrible. Im just curious to see if you consider me getting her back or her coming back with no intervention from me the same.. Do you think it is two different actions or no? Thx :)

You getting her back = she has the power
She coming back = you have the power

crushedovernover · Oct 14, 2007, 05:40 PM

LOL enig lol I know that.. Ha I will explain in a few days why she will be calling me off the chain. She might be a little angry but she will be calling. And then my plan will start to take place.. LOL sound childish but it is not once I explain what is going on.. just don't feel like typing up a memo lol.

enigmagnetic · Oct 14, 2007, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

LOL enig lol i know that.. Ha i will explain in a few days why she will be calling me off the chain. She might be a little angry but she will be calling. And then my plan will start to take place.. LOL sound childish but it is not once i explain what is going on.. just dont feel like typing up a memo lol.

Read my post "in dire need of assistance" I'm there with you.