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busguy711 · Oct 7, 2007, 09:05 AM

I am a divorced father.I get my kids every weekend.The problem is my 15 yr. old son is becoming very disrespectful to me.When he is home with his mom, she will give him anything he wants and Im not going to hand him everything he wants.What do I do??

N0help4u · Oct 7, 2007, 09:10 AM

Can you talk to her about this and let her know you both need to have the same rules somewhat? Explain to her that she is setting him up to walk all over her and it will be too late for her to make rules later when he wants to start to do things she doesn't agree with him doing.
Also I have seen that it ends up the kid wants to only be with the lenient parent and is hateful toward the stricter one so it is important that both you treat him with equal discipline so that he doesn't do the pick favoritism/vs hate thing.

shygrneyzs · Oct 7, 2007, 09:44 AM

You are in a tough spot. It is hard to be the parent who enforces standards of behavior. Part of your son's problem is his age. 15 year olds defy any form of authority - okay, not all 15 yr olds but many do. It is normal. Tough to go through but normal. Teen angst.

That being said, I agree with NOHelp4U in that talking to your ex about keeping boundaries and rules with your son. Maybe she feels it is easier to give in than to enforce. Which is true, it is easier, but look at what the result is. A teen with no respect for his parents plus other problems. If your ex cannot see what she is doing or refuses to listen, you have my sympathies. My ex always wanted to be our oldest son's buddy and not his Dad.

You can sit down and talk with your son and just say that while you love him unconditionally, you do have standards for him and you do expect him to follow them when he visit (It is also important that when you are in that confrontation with your son, do not yell. Yelling will only escalate what is going on). It is because you love him and want him to grow up to be a responsible adult. Have you ever considered going to family therapist about what is going on? Maybe get some insight on how to handle your son and the rebellion?

What have you read about dealing with your son? The site called, crosswalk, has the fhttp://www.crosswalk.com/1311061/ollowing article:

Wishing you the very best with your son. Counselors say persistence and patience are two great keys in resolving issues with teens, especially in a divorce situation.