[Sdjosh]

What should be the main focus for you right now is YOU.

Most of us here have gone through the same thing... hell I just got out of a 7 year relationship. So I know where you are coming from.

But the best thing you can do is to work on you.

Get out and live.
-go to the gym.
-pick up old hobbies.
-start new hobbies.
-pick up the phone and call some buddies over for some laughs.
-go out with the guys and have some drinks.

Buy sitting there you are working against yourself. You are not improving your situation. Only hoping that she will come along and make everything OK.

[bummedout4]

I think she doesn't know how to let you down yet. She hasn't told you yet but her actions speak for themselves. I know its hard to be in your shoes. You want so badly for it to work out or some hope. But Im telling you that its just a matter of time. And you are wasting valuable time that you can use to move on.

What you should do is be the one to end it with her. You are letting her dictate when its is over. Even though it is really hard to do, maybe you should take control of the situation and end it for your own peace of mind

So I should talk to her, lay down what I feel and want, see whatever she has to say and if its not that she is willing to work on a relationship, then I just tell her its over, I am done waiting around and clinging on to hope. If she changes her mind from here on out, she has to try to get me back and not me getting her back. She knows how I feel so its all up to her from here on.

[Sdjosh]

So i should talk to her, lay down what i feel and want, see whatever she has to say and if its not that she is willing to work on a relationship, then i just tell her its over, i am done waiting around and clinging on to hope. If she changes her mind from here on out, she has to try to get me back and not me getting her back. She knows how i feel so its all up to her from here on.

No... not like this. Don't lay out your feelings again. Dude she knows exactly how you feel because you never fail to tell her. She know what you want too. At this point she is seeing what else is out there. She is wanting to move on but can't let go of her safety net.

Think about it... we all want someone to love us right? It can be scary for someone to feel all alone and not loved.

What I'm saying is... In a very calm and composed manor you tell her that the time you and her spent together over the years has been great and you will keep those memories. But that you cannot stand by and let life pass you by. Tell her that since she has things to figure out that she should go do that. That is was a great experience but it is time to move on.

[smoothy]

So i should talk to her, lay down what i feel and want, see whatever she has to say and if its not that she is willing to work on a relationship, then i just tell her its over, i am done waiting around and clinging on to hope. If she changes her mind from here on out, she has to try to get me back and not me getting her back. She knows how i feel so its all up to her from here on.

I think if you do that you are asking for more of the same drama. We've all been there when we were real young... and trust me, the more women I dated the more I found out the one who I thought was miss perfect in my teens was really more like Miss Seriously imperfect.

You want someone who does not give you frequent drama, trust me a good partner rarely gives you that sort of trouble. Oh, perfection doesn't exist... but with a great match you don't have to fight and argue to get what you want all the time or even frequently, a perfect partner knows this and gives it to you without asking for it. You know and compliment each other without even needing to explain things or ask for them. It took me till I was 29 to find my wife. I dated a lot of women before I found this one. I can't even remember all their names much less exactly how many.

Count your blessings you did not marry her or worse have kids with her. Listen to the advice here... some mistakes last a lifetime.

[bummedout4]

No...not like this. Don't lay out your feelings again. Dude she knows exactly how you feel because you never fail to tell her. She know what you want too. At this point she is seeing what else is out there. She is wanting to move on but can't let go of her safety net.

Think about it...we all want someone to love us right? It can be scary for someone to feel all alone and not loved.

What I'm saying is.....In a very calm and composed manor you tell her that the time you and her spent together over the years has been great and you will keep those memories. But that you cannot stand by and let life pass you by. Tell her that since she has things to figure out that she should go do that. That is was a great experience but it is time to move on.

Thanks, It is definitely going to be hard to do that and try not to get too emotional. I am really afraid of losing her and I feel like she's slipping away. I just want her to realize that I am the guy she wants. I know I can't control that, but I wish there was something else I could do. I appreciate your advice and support.

[Sdjosh]

Thanks, It is definitely going to be hard to do that and try not to get too emotional. I am really afraid of losing her and i feel like shes slipping away. I just want her to realize that I am the guy she wants. I know i can't control that, but i wish there was something else i could do. I appreciate your advice and support.

I know how you are feeling. I wanted the same things. You have already lost her but you just haven't accepted it yet.

If you are going to have trouble holding your emotions in check when you do it, then write down exactly what you want to say. Practice it... But you want to walk away from this with your head held high. So compose yourself and be confident in your decision to take control of your own life and move on.

You are going to make it through this. There are so many of us on here that have gone through the same thing... which proves that you will be OK.

Just rip off the band aid

[Homegirl 50]

No...not like this. Don't lay out your feelings again. Dude she knows exactly how you feel because you never fail to tell her. She know what you want too. At this point she is seeing what else is out there. She is wanting to move on but can't let go of her safety net.

Think about it...we all want someone to love us right? It can be scary for someone to feel all alone and not loved.

What I'm saying is.....In a very calm and composed manor you tell her that the time you and her spent together over the years has been great and you will keep those memories. But that you cannot stand by and let life pass you by. Tell her that since she has things to figure out that she should go do that. That is was a great experience but it is time to move on.

I think that is good advice. You be the one to end it, then you know where you stand.

[bummedout4]

I am going to be honest and say that I don't know if I can do it yet. I want to end this misery I am in but I also don't want to lose her and rush her to make a decision to leave me behind. I just want her to be happy with me and us, I know I have to talk to her and do this but it will be the hardest thing I have done thus far in my life. I hope it works out and she realizes one day that I am the one for her.

[Sad Soul]

I would say it's too soon for you to be as strong as we're all hoping for you to be any way.

If you look at most our posts, we took like a good year or more to get "half" better. You just need some time out, and that's fine.

But remember to not stick in "time out" for too long, because depression and sadness can be very addictive. Take your time with this, but please do something tiny to advance yourself each day (even if that means skipping junk food for a day, cleaning your basement, or putting away an extra dollar).

You won't get over her all in one night, but I promise you that things will get better in tiny doses. It might takes weeks, months, or even a few years; the time is unknown, but what's sure/100% is that you will get through this! Take your time healing, but please be positive, and make sure you don't stay in the past, because you will never grow as a person or "advance" if you just stay there living your memories.

[bummedout4]

I would say it's too soon for you to be as strong as we're all hoping for you to be any way.

If you look at most our posts, we took like a good year or more to get "half" better. You just need some time out, and that's fine.

But remember to not stick in "time out" for too long, because depression and sadness can be very addictive. Take your time with this, but please do something tiny to advance yourself each day (even if that means skipping junk food for a day, cleaning your basement, or putting away an extra dollar).

You won't get over her all in one night, but I promise you that things will get better in tiny doses. It might takes weeks, months, or even a few years; the time is unknown, but what's sure/100% is that you will get through this! Take your time healing, but please be positive, and make sure you don't stay in the past, because you will never grow as a person or "advance" if you just stay there living your memories.

Thanks sad, well I mean I don't know if I should really talk to her yet and tell her that I need to know now what she feels and make her either decide to be with me or not. I don't want to push her and in doing so push her away. I am starting to get use to not calling her all the time, and talking to her as much and I do miss her but I am getting through it. I just don't want to ruin anything now by pressing and making her cut ties with me if she is still confused. So I am going to go with the flow for now, and see what this week holds. At the end of the week I will see how I feel and if she has even contacted me at all. Then I can more clearly make the decision to ask to talk to her and let her know that I need some closure. I have made some progress so far, I don't always feel like crying and depressed and I have been eating more which was a problem the first week. So slowly I am getting through this one day at a time. I don't know what the future holds so I don't really want to burn any bridges with her and look back thinking I made a mistake because I was impatient.

[MoonWalker]

Hi bummedout4
U want to know what is going on? OK
She dumped u, she does not need u, she does not love you anymore, she is just coping what remained of her feelings to u, she is going with others while she leaves you killing yourself with thinking about what the hell she is doing and how she feels
OK she does not care about u, for her you are just the past and the new guy is the future, till she dumps him too and go 4 another stupid, OPEN UR EYES MAN. Don't u see?
I know that every time you think about her you see the same angel who was with u 4 years ago. But you got to know that a lot of peopl are like this , they are sweet for sometime not all the time
She kicked u, and you don't need to know what the hell is she doing, let it go man just let it go
Don't believe she needs space, don't believe she does not has an affair with that guy, but remember she was 100% with u, now she is 1 % with and 99% with the other guy and she is healing her self till she is 100% with the other
Don't call her . Just walk with the knif stapped into your heart but BE A MAN, u worth another good girl, it won't be now but believe me you will find another one, I know you can't see anyone but her eyes, I know her voice blocks your ears, and she is sitting in your heart for good, but walk with the knife in your heart and don't take it off till you feel you can do it.
God damn her she killed you and she is enjoying her life without um don't u believe it? It is hard but true. Later on you going to remember small details the could led you to her real personality, but you did not see those small details , but now you going to see it and you will wonder how the hell you could not notice all those sh!ts

BE STRONG< BE A MAN< KICK HER OUTA UR LIFE< AND REMEMBER THAT SHE WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER COME BACK BELIEVE ME

[talaniman]

need to know now what she feels

You already know all that, but are not ready to accept that this is over, and its about what you do now, with your life. Give me your address so I can SLAP some reality in you.

[bummedout4]

hi bummedout4
u wanna know what is going on? OK
she dumped u, she does not need u, she does not love u anymore, she is just coping what remained of her feelings to u, she is going with others while she leaves u killing urself with thinking about what the hell she is doing and how she feels
ok she does not care about u, for her u r just the past and the new guy is the future, till she dumps him too and go 4 another stupid, OPEN UR EYES MAN. dont u see?
i know that everytime u think about her u see the same angel who was with u 4 years ago. but u gotta know that alot of peopl are like this , they r sweet for sometime not all the time
she kicked u, and u dont need to know what the hell is she doing, let it go man just let it go
dont believe she needs space, dont believe she does not has an affair with that guy, but remeber she was 100% with u, now she is 1 % with and 99% with the other guy and she is healing her self till she is 100% with the other
dont call her . just walk with the knif stapped into ur heart but BE A MAN, u worth another good girl, it won't be now but believe me u will find another one, i know u can't see anyone but her eyes, i know her voice blocks ur ears, and she is sitting in ur heart for good, but walk with the knife in ur heart and dont take it off till u feel u can do it.
god damn her she killed u and she is enjoying her life without um dont u believe it? it is hard but true. later on u gonna remember small details the could led u to her real personality, but u did not see those small details , but now u gonna see it and u will wonder how the hell u could not notice all those sh!ts

BE STRONG< BE A MAN< KICK HER OUTA UR LIFE< AND REMEMBER THAT SHE WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER COME BACK BELIEVE ME

What you say makes a lot of sense. You are right that I don't believe it, but it may be true. Its horrible and I do feel like crap , I can't believe she would ever hurt me like this. I thought she loved me and wanted to be with me but I guess not. I am going to talk to her sometime this week and just tell her that I don't deserve this crap and she is either with me or not. If not , then call me when you realize that you made a mistake, and if you don't then I guess that's it. I am trying to gather the strength to do this and finally take control of my life. Thank you

[underthegun]

NO!

Do NOT talk to her this week!

DO talk to OTHER girls this week!

She was VERY cold-hearted to you at the heart of it all-

You should be ANGRY, not crying to her ANY MORE!

[bummedout4]

Well I want her to know that she is not dragging me along anymore. We left it like we were still friendly and will keep in touch the last time we talked. She knows I am devastated and thinking about her and hurt. She needs to know that I won't put up with this and that I am moving on without her, since that is what she wants. I am not going to cry to her, I am going to tell her that she can't do this to me anymore because I am emotionally drained and my mind is a mess because of her. So this has to end and she has to know it.

[star3114]

You already know all that, but are not ready to accept that this is over, and its about what you do now, with your life. Give me your address so I can SLAP some reality in you.

Great point Tal.

[star3114]

In a very calm and composed manor you tell her that the time you and her spent together over the years has been great and you will keep those memories. But that you cannot stand by and let life pass you by. Tell her that since she has things to figure out that she should go do that. That is was a great experience but it is time to move on.

If you want to say anything, say the above statement. It is short, sweet and isn't over emotional. You don't want to come across as whiney. If you tell her what you are thinking of telling her, you will come across as whiney and immature. You want it to appear that you have the upper hand. The relationship is over. Now the closure consists of a game of chess... figuratively of course.

[star3114]

Good luck!

[bummedout4]

Good luck!!

Thanks, I will need it.

[Sad Soul]

well i want her to know that she is not dragging me along anymore. we left it like we were still friendly and will keep in touch the last time we talked. she knows i am devastated and thinking about her and hurt. She needs to know that i won't put up with this and that i am moving on without her, since that is what she wants. I am not going to cry to her, i am going to tell her that she can't do this to me anymore because i am emotionally drained and my mind is a mess becasue of her. So this has to end and she has to know it.

NO! NOOOOO!

She's not going to know that you are not being dragged along when you want to randomly call her to tell her "sorry I'm not gonna be dragged along anymore".

This act will actually only show her how you have been miserable and have had nothing to do but to DRAG YOURSELF ALONG. You're choosing to be dragged along, and NO CONTACT was to save you from not only feeling more heart ache, but to also save you from showing your ex that your world has (seemingly) fallen apart at her feet.

Trust us that she will notice you're not calling. This will shock the living daylights out of her. Maybe not this month or next month, but eventually she'll be curious.

Please bummedout, more action and less talk. Just start being an actor, and play against all your desires right now, and eventually your emotions will adjust a bit. You'll, for example, become use to not calling her more and more if you force your body to never dial that number again.
This is the same for you workingout, eating right, saving, cleaning up, doing this and that, and everything else that will help you in life.

When she calls, which she will, you can let her know what's best for you. After all, she sure let you know what the hell was best for her!

And just a warning: When you tell her you want out and for her to leave you alone, you might feel a sudden rush of "what-ifs" or "now she won't come back to me because I said those things!!!" Just know that that is NOT TRUE. When a girl is madly in love with her ex, don't worry, she will let him know.