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ragmuff · Sep 30, 2007, 02:21 PM

I've been dating this guy who is a victim of extreme hurt from a past relationship and due to his past hurt he has put up this wall that won't allow him to get hurt. Well, he would like to feel love for another person but now he doesn't know how to take the wall down. So where we're at is at 5 months he still doesn't have any feeling past being 'fund' of me which is what he felt at day 1. As time has past I have developed feelings obviously but he still feels nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how is it possible to break thru/ break down that wall that's left him emotionally numb?

chuff · Sep 30, 2007, 08:20 PM

And once that wall comes down what exactly will you do then?

ragmuff · Oct 1, 2007, 05:18 PM

Chuff, once the wall comes down then he'll be able to return the loving and caring feelings that I have for him.

JoeCanada76 · Oct 1, 2007, 05:19 PM

Or maybe not. Do you think that you can fix this, it is up to him to get the help he needs to open up, or maybe he does not want to because he is not ready for a relationship yet.

talaniman · Oct 1, 2007, 07:37 PM

If he is not willing to see a professional, there is very little that you can do.

chuff · Oct 1, 2007, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by ragmuff

Chuff, once the wall comes down then he'll be able to return the loving and caring feelings that i have for him.

I think right now he's a challenge for you but I fear for HIM that once he gives in and brings the wall down that you will lose interest because you have "broke him in" then decide you want another challenge and leave him heart broken once again.

steenvolleys · Oct 2, 2007, 09:07 AM

Wow... my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 months and I'm going through almost exactly the same thing. It really drives me crazy. I told him I love him within the first 2 months of our relationship. I know it was a little soon, but I felt it instantly. However, he still can't reciprocate those feelings. He tells me he really wants to be with me, but it really just drives me crazy. If I block it out, I'm okay and we're good. Other days, I push and I know it doesn't help, but it just bothers me.

So I don't think I really helped... but know you're not the only one in this situation.

smoothy · Oct 2, 2007, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

If he is not willing to see a professional, there is very little that you can do.

I'll second that, find someone without issues. I see a long road of heartache with this one.

chuff · Oct 2, 2007, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by steenvolleys

wow... my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 8 months and i'm going through almost exactly the same thing. It really drives me crazy.

There it is. The challenge and the feeling all in one statement.

smoothy · Oct 2, 2007, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

I think right now he's a challenge for you but I fear for HIM that once he gives in and brings the wall down that you will lose interest because you have "broke him in" then decide you want another challenge and leave him heart broken once again.

Good point... and one I didn't think of.

steenvolleys · Oct 2, 2007, 06:15 PM

I really don't think it has anything to do with the challenge. I think we put up with these guys because we really do love them and want to be with them. Not because of their lack of emotion, but despite it

chuff · Oct 2, 2007, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by steenvolleys

I really don't think it has anything to do with the challenge. I think we put up with these guys because we really do love them and want to be with them. not b/c of their lack of emotion, but despite it

Then how come nice, caring, loyal men always get the shaft for guys like you have that don't give you what it is you say you want.

talaniman · Oct 2, 2007, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by steenvolleys

I really don't think it has anything to do with the challenge. I think we put up with these guys because we really do love them and want to be with them. not b/c of their lack of emotion, but despite it

Could you please explain to me, why you would invest so much of your heart and soul, into some one that cannot return the same back to you?? :confused:

kiwi_flame · Oct 3, 2007, 03:31 AM

Hi Ragg.. Well from personal experience, I can honestly say only himself can do that.. It's a pity really when you feel you are connected for so many reasons and yet he can't allow himself to feel the beauty you do... All you can do is waste your time with him hence miss out on opportunities that are awaiting you... Or keep giving & giving with nothing in return.
Foremost he has to be willing to move on from past issues to really enjoy the beauty with anyone. All you can do is possible direct him in what he could do however if he's not willing.. I guess you will never get anything more... Hope that helps!

steenvolleys · Oct 3, 2007, 03:32 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Could you please explain to me, why you would invest so much of your heart and soul, into some one that cannot return the same back to you???:confused:

Because he shows me in everyway except those three words. Eventually- he'll say them I'm sure, but actions do speak louder than words, and I'm sure he does love me. His actions tell me this. That's why I stick around.

kiwi_flame · Oct 3, 2007, 04:59 AM

Well for your sake may he does... Yes you are right actions do speak louder then words, but it would be nice to have all! Im sure in time you will have it all.. Wish u well...

KBC · Oct 3, 2007, 05:27 AM

"I learned firsthand about love from people who knew how to give it".
"And I learned this:the best romantic love has a good amount of lust in it,and an equal amount of respect.But the main ingredient is devotion."

David Farland

whiteribbon · Oct 5, 2007, 07:40 AM

Just to add to the comments - my boyfriend of 7 months split with me 5 days ago - he never loved me, just said he liked, cared and wanted to be with me, obviously I developed feelings over time but couldn't express them because I knew he didn't feel the same.

Anyway we got on great so I carried on until 5 days ago when he tells me he thinks he's wasted my time and that it would be best I left - so I walked and have made no further contact since... its hurts but I'm no where near as upset as I thought I would be and I've been getting on with work, hobbies socialising etc in those 5 days since...

The one thing that stuck in my mind was his words 'what if I've made the wrong decision I would ask you back and I don't want to lose you' I thought this was selfish , he has text and emailed apologising and asking how I am, but as far as I am concerned he can go jump! I have made no effort to reply and have since deleted his number - this tells me that maybe I didn't have feelings as big as I thought I did and because he never said he loved it made mine shrink - I don't know just thought id share this with u - so you know your not alone...

nstrugnell · Oct 5, 2007, 03:10 PM

I hear you there? I am lost on what to do! What are you doing and how are you dealing with it... Email me at [email protected] if you would like!

whiteribbon · Oct 8, 2007, 09:42 AM

OK so I've had more texts and emails over the weekend - and I read and deleted all of them with no replies! He was begging to let him know I was OK - I was quite upset and almost felt guilty about not letting him know, then my strong side came into play again and I felt better... I just don't want to be in contact.

Please can anyone tell me if I'm doing the right thing??