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AdvicePlease · Sep 28, 2007, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by inthedogbox

:confused: I went to a bachelor party "weekend" in Myrtle beach with 10 guys. It ended up Saturday night in a strip club. I did not tell my wife but when she asked id did tell her. Now she has gone of the deep end. What can i do?

Ayy... this just happened to me too. I went to my pal's bachelor party last Saturday and I've been in the doghouse ever since. Almost, one week now and she's still so mad at me.

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by nicespringgirl

What is a bachelor party? who are eligible to attend?

When a guy is getting married his buddies get together and throw him a bachelor party, with a lot of drinking and a few strippers, who put on a show, and the men whoop and holler to celebrate his last days of freedom. Or they go to a gentlemen's club, and whoop holler and celebrate.

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 12:41 PM

Let her be mad for as long as she wants. Leave her alone.

AdvicePlease · Sep 28, 2007, 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Let her be mad for as long as she wants. Leave her alone.

Hi Talaniman... ok I will :(
Unfortunately, his wedding is coming up next weekend so if my wife doesn't cool off we don't know if we will be attending now. It's an out of town wedding.

Before, I went to the bachelor party last weekend my wife asked me if there were going to be any strippers there. She said if there were I need to close my eyes. I told her I don't think there would be any. Plus, I had nothing to do with the planning and only knew 2 people there. The next day my wife kept asking me if there any strippers. I didn't want to say, "Yes" at first to make her feel better, but, in these type of situations does a guy tell or? I eventually said Yes and now my wife has a trust issue with me all of a sudden. Is she over-reacting or am I fool for not adherring to that old saying "what happens here stays here?"

Of course, I made the mistake of getting mad too after she did (which I shouldn't have) because I thought she kept asking just because out of curiosity of what goes on at a bachelor party.

I guess I have a lot of "yes, dear" to say in the future...

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 02:42 PM

You told the truth and that's all you can do. Getting mad didn't help. Let her cool off, and really think on it. Be a good boy, and give her space as you have nothing to be ashamed of, and she should know that. After a few days she should be able to at least talk, but I let my wife make the first move when she is mad.

I guess I have a lot of "yes, dear" to say in the future...

That should have been your reaction to her questions in the first place.

AdvicePlease · Sep 28, 2007, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You told the truth and thats all you can do. Getting mad didn't help. Let her cool off, and really think on it. Be a good boy, and give her space as you have nothing to be ashamed of, and she should know that. After a few days she should be able to at least talk, but I let my wife make the first move when she is mad.

That should have been your reaction to her questions in the first place.

Thanks Talaniman :-)

Sad Soul · Sep 28, 2007, 04:42 PM

I don't think your wife truly cares that much about strip clubs, but I do think she cares to see if you care.

Do you understand what I'm saying? I know tradition has made it so it's a norm for people to go to pay people to take their clothing off for them (prior to getting married)... and tradition has made it so that if any one finds a problem with their lover attending these things, they are to be called "insecure" or "what? what day and age is this kid from?"

Anyway, for me personally, I don't care. But what I would care about is whether my husband thinks about respecting me enough to not go. Do you get what I'm saying? Like even if I don't give a two cents about the stip clubs, I would give a two cents to see if my boyfriend or husband, out of respect, just doesn't want to go see other girls shaking their breasts and "what's inbetween their legs" at him.

AdvicePlease · Sep 28, 2007, 05:05 PM

Originally Posted by Sad Soul

I don't think your wife truly cares that much about strip clubs, but I do think she cares to see if you care.

Do you understand what I'm saying? I know tradition has made it so it's a norm for people to go to pay people to take their clothing off for them (prior to getting married)...and tradition has made it so that if any one finds a problem with their lover attending these things, they are to be called "insecure" or "what? what day and age is this kid from?"

Anyway, for me personally, I don't care. But what I would care about is whether my husband thinks about respecting me enough to not go. Do you get what I'm saying? Like even if I don't give a two cents about the stip clubs, I would give a two cents to see if my boyfriend or husband, out of respect, just doesn't want to go see other girls shaking their breasts and "what's inbetween their legs" at him.

Yes, she definitely cares to see if I care. However, she feels that I have cheated on her now since I saw strippers take it off at the bachelor party. Is that how most woman feel from a female point of view? I took no participation with the gals. We just watched them do their thing with the groom-to-be and laughed as they teased & messed with him. The only thing I did was add a few bucks like everyone else did (five $1s at most) then I moved over to the other room to watch TV and eat some more food and played some poker. If that's bad. Sorry. Then, I need to understand how my spouse thinks more. My wife is quite conservative and I'm moderately liberal. This is where a lot of our opinions bump heads. We don't have much in common other than we loved each other enough to get hitched (3 yrs) ago despite our differences . It's the differences in how we think that gets me trouble. I'm just more liberal about things, however, I'm the cook, the housecleaner, the bill (includes vacations) payer, etc.. I think I'm a pretty good husband. She should know I'm there for her. And, I verbalize it too (once in a while) ;-)

Will I go to another bachelor party? Probably not. Especially not to be in the dogbox like this.

AdvicePlease · Sep 28, 2007, 05:07 PM

Sorry, "inthedogbox" for taking over your thread where the posts stopped off ;-)

star3114 · Sep 28, 2007, 05:16 PM

Okay, from the female point of view... I don't have issues with my husband going to strip club... I even went with his friends and him and cheered on the girls. My sister isn't as liberal and she would have gotten pissy in the situation you mentioned. I would go to your wife say... "I love you sweetie, nothing happened that night and I will always love you. I married you and not them. I am dedicated to you...you are my one and only. We may have disagreements, but it is how we handle them that determines the merit of our marriage. Because I love you so much, I have a suprise ." Then take her to her favorite restaurant and take her dancing or whatever she enjoys. Show her that you can have a fantastic time with her. That will cover all of the reasons she is mad at you. Also, sending her flowers prior to all of this... or after all of this as an extra surprise would be a plus. Good luck

Sad Soul · Sep 28, 2007, 05:27 PM

I don't personally care about strip clubs. I'm sure most american women would say this (unless they are religious) because it is a part of our culture and society.

Strippers and strip clubs are a part of our culture, and that's why we go to them prior to weddings. It's culture.

With this in mind, I would also say it's hard to know if one truly cares or not, OR whether we don't question the idea because it is the norm (AKA culture).

Questioning it, I would think it is a little ironic that prior to what is suppose to be a celebration of being with the woman he loves, a man is taught to celebrate by trying to use up the last chances he has with getting to see other women naked and all over him.

I don't know? I'm a little confused. I feel that I don't care, but logically I feel as though I should.

??

AdvicePlease · Sep 28, 2007, 06:41 PM

Thanks star3114, Thanks Sad Soul :-)

Yes, I'm confused about that as well "Sad Soul" (interesting thought though)

Looks like my wife has gone out to dinner with her friends (without me) which means she's still mad or else I would've been invited. I'm sure she's letting her friends know about what happened so they can all be mad at me now as well. One of her friends even asked if she wanted to stay at her house for the night. My gosh... was what I did so bad to warrant that? In fact, that's the same friend that assumingly kept asking me, "so what else are you going to do at the bachelor party other than have strippers?" I have a feeling that's how my wife got the wonder in her head about strippers... I don't know :mad:

Am I talking about this subject too much? I'll stop if I'm rambling :-)

talaniman · Sep 29, 2007, 10:05 AM

You have posted this on August 1st, and she is still mad about this Sept 29th?? That's way over the line. I can see 2/3 days to make a point but if I'm right about the dates... Now I would be mad as hell. Wait I see now we have TWO guys in the doghouse. Wonder what happened to the OP?

Advice please, I can see being mad, but a week for what I see is no big deal, That's a little much, and after 3 days we would have to talk, or I WOULD be mad as heck!

AdvicePlease · Sep 29, 2007, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You have posted this on August 1st, and she is still mad about this Sept 29th????? Thats way over the line. I can see 2/3 days to make a point but if I'm right about the dates.....................................Now I would be mad as hell. Wait I see now we have TWO guys in the doghouse. Wonder what happened to the OP?

Advice please, I can see being mad, but a week for what I see is no big deal, Thats a little much, and after 3 days we would have to talk, or I WOULD be mad as heck!!

Hi Talaniman, sorry for the confusion. I saw this thread which "inthedogbox" started and I added to it that I was in the same situation as "inthedogbox". I'm "AdvicePlease" not "inthedogbox." You nice folks have been helping out with your thoughts and suggestions :-) My incident occurred Sept. 23rd (last Sunday) (day after bachelor party). I'm trying not to be mad too cause it just basically makes it worse. However, I've been bringing home her favorite foods to eat. She's been eating them so that's a good sign but I can tell she's still mad plus she left me at home on Friday (yesterday) night. I just watched some TV and went to bed.

Not sure what else I can do other than wait it out and see what happens...

talaniman · Sep 29, 2007, 10:22 AM

She is putting you through the wringer. You have more patience than I do, Better make those reservations and get it over with.

star3114 · Sep 29, 2007, 11:17 AM

Well, if she is not willing to reason. Give her the space. Leave. Not permanently of course, but she won't fizzle down with you there. It takes a lot of energy to be mad at someone that long. She is forcing herself to be mad at you... and the friend is probably helping. I would leave. Do you have kids that this would be an issue?

AdvicePlease · Sep 29, 2007, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by star3114

Well, if she is not willing to reason. Give her the space. Leave. Not permanently of course, but she wont fizzle down with you there. It takes a lot of energy to be mad at someone that long. She is forcing herself to be mad at you....and the friend is probably helping. I would leave. Do you have kids that this would be an issue?

Thanks Star3114,

Yes, I guess it does take a lot of energy to stay mad.
We don't have any kids (yet).

star3114 · Sep 29, 2007, 02:08 PM

I would leave. Let her simmer down and ask her self if being this mad is really worth it. Eventually she will have to calm down. It will expedite the self-reflection process if you remove yourself from the picture. I would plan on staying away for a couple of days to a week. Make sure you pack and everything when she is not there. Grab everything you need so you don't have to contact her to get something. Leave a note where she can see it that says something like " I am sorry you are still mad. You apparently need some time by yourself to calm down and think. When you are ready to talk, you can reach me at XXX-XXXX. I love you." Then sign your name.
Do you have a friend or such that you can stay with during this time?

star3114 · Sep 29, 2007, 02:09 PM

During that time, do not contact her. Wait for her to contact you.

AdvicePlease · Sep 29, 2007, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by star3114

During that time, do not contact her. Wait for her to contact you.

Thanks star3114

Hmmm, my wife has left the house again. I suspect she was hungry. Earlier I asked if she was hungry and if she wanted to go get something to eat. I think she wanted to say yes but she remained silent so I walked away (we usually like to eat out on the weekends).

The leaving the house and waiting for her to call thing would be a bold move on my part. Knowing her I'm hesitant in a sense it would make the situation worse? However, I do see your point. I'm just not sure if I should it do it or not :-)

I haven't mentioned this but my wife is a criminal defense attorney. Arguing is her realm. She doesn't like to give in unless she highly respects that person and right now I think I'm at the bottom (whether I deserve to be there or not).

We haven't had an issue/fight/argument or whatever it's called in a while so this is kind of weird.