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MissingHim2Much · Sep 25, 2007, 10:04 PM

It's no secret that most of us want them to come back ( including me ) but I think that's somewhat normal, at least at first. But if you are happy for her deep down then you are a much better person then I am. I'm not happy for my ex one bit. I think he made a destructive choice with a girl that's life is a mess not to mention how dirty he did me. I hope he's unhappy and regrets what he did for a long long time. And what keeps me strong with N/C is he has absolutely no idea if I'm crying my eyes out over him or if I've moved on to someone else. I know it has to cross his mind sometimes.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 25, 2007, 10:09 PM

Originally Posted by MissingHim2Much

It's no secret that most of us want them to come back ( including me ) but I think thats somewhat normal, at least at first. But if you are happy for her deep down then you are a much better person then I am. I'm not happy for my ex one bit. I think he made a distructive choice with a girl thats life is a mess not to mention how dirty he did me. I hope he's unhappy and regrets what he did for a long long time. And what keeps me strong with N/C is he has absolutly no idea if i'm crying my eyes out over him or if i've moved on to someone else. I know it has to cross his mind sometimes.

Let me tell you something, part of me hates her for moving on so quickly and getting a new boyfriend so damm quick!! Part of what gets me through my day is hating her for that. But, I finally realized I am better than that, I don't need to hate her for what she did... I didn't treat her right... and I hope she can find someone better. I will always love her and like you said it is normal for me to want her back and I still do. You're a better person, he did that to you, nobody derserves to be hurt like that. We just have rise up and stay strong no matter what life throws at us.

MissingHim2Much · Sep 25, 2007, 10:23 PM

I think if I could actually hate him I would be a lot better off but I don't hate him. I hate what he did but not him. I still love him as pathetic as that is. I just don't want him to know that. He doesn't deserve to know how I feel.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 25, 2007, 10:32 PM

Its not pathetic, and I don't hate her, I hate what she did. Sometimes hate can be good and bad, mostly bad. Don't let him have the satifaction of knowing how you feel and most importantly prove to yourself that you don't need him. These situations are soooo tough to deal with, because it runs through your head all day, every day. Try your absolute hardest to focus on something else, go work out, hang out with friends, and talk to other guys... I promise you it helps tremendously. And Mr. Right is waiting for you as we speak, in time you will meet him.

MissingHim2Much · Sep 25, 2007, 10:53 PM

I try not to think about him all the time but its tough. And as far as doing other things to keep my mind off him well I'm a female and we are multi-taskers so actually I can do all of those things and still think about him. But I do hope Mr. Right is out there. Somewhere.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 26, 2007, 08:41 AM

Of course it is tough, I still look at me ex's myspace and hurts really bad, and of course mr. right is out there waiting for you, its only a matter of time. Everything happens for a reason and heartbreak is meant to teach us something about ourselves and with that knowledge apply yourself to the next relationship. Eventually you will be ready to get married. Learn from your mistakes (I should take my own advice!) try not to think about the future too much either, because I'm sure there are about a million different senario's running through your head right now (same with me). It sucks all the time and at times it hurts to the point where you don't know what to do with yourself. Just got to get through it.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Your question has been answered over and over hunny.

Give her time!! If you keep bothering her she may never speak to you again. If she wants to talk to you, that is her decision, so dont push her.

Ok I completely understand that... I haven't spoken too her in almost a month. How much time is this going to take? I know that question is impossible to answer, but what do you think? I don't want to sit around forever and if and when she calls I don't want it to be too late for us.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

Ok i completely understand that....I haven't spoken too her in almost a month. How much time is this going to take? I know that question is impossible to answer, but what do you think? I don't want to sit around forever and if and when she calls I don't want it to be too late for us.

How is your therapy going? Are you making any progress? You need to think about bettering yourself first and foremost. I know you want help, otherwise you wouldn't have gone into therapy.

I don't know how much time it will take, or if she even will come back around. You are stressing yourself out and the best thing for you to do at this point would be to focus on your therapy and move on.

GlindaofOz · Sep 28, 2007, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

Ok i completely understand that....I haven't spoken too her in almost a month. How much time is this going to take? I know that question is impossible to answer, but what do you think? I don't want to sit around forever and if and when she calls I don't want it to be too late for us.

Its only been a month. How long did you abuse her for? Take that time and multiple it by 50. If she finds it in her heart to bring you back into her life before that time then she is a freakin Saint.

Until then focus on YOU. YOU have issues that need to be worked on and resolved. Stop fixating on her and shift the focus to fixing your life.

yourman64 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

I had recently posted a question on this website, just incase u didnt read it....[I]I dated this girl for 2 and half years and I verbally abused her, without fully realizing it. She broke up with me a month and a half ago. I have tried at least three times since then to get back together with her and I have honestly not given her space. I just found out a week and half ago she has a new boyfriend...already!!!! (They go to separate colleges) I know deep down she still has feelings for me. She told me recently that she is happy and she really likes this guy and that he treats her right, but it has only been a week or two. She has given me a chance to prove myself, to show I can change.....but she said that doesnt mean we are getting back together. For now we are not speaking. So, is this a rebound boyfriend to fill the void in her heart and make her feel better or is she really over me????....I have been doing a lot of thinking and I am willing to do ANYTHING to win this girl back. What can I do?

Well you have known her for the past 2 1/2 years so try to win her heart over by doing the things she likes, tell her that your sorry and buy her a pound of her favorite chocolate, and ask her to give you another chance.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:26 PM

Originally Posted by yourman64

well you have known her for the past 2 1/2 years so try to win her heart over by doing the things she likes, tell her that your sorry and buy her a pound of her favorite chocolate, and ask her to give you another chance.

You should read his other posts. Being with her isn't the best thing for her or him, and at this point she doesn't want to be with him.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 28, 2007, 08:48 PM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

How is your therapy going? Are you making any progress? You need to think about bettering yourself first and foremost. I know you want help, otherwise you wouldnt have gone into therapy.

I dont know how much time it will take, or if she even will come back around. You are stressing yourself out and the best thing for you to do at this point would be to focus on your therapy and move on.

Therapy is going very nicely and yes I am making a lot of progress these past couple months... my mom and I get along better than we ever have and this has brought me a lot closer to my family than I ever was... it feels good. I know bettering myself is first and foremost. As each day goes on... I feel a little better and I don't know I'm still about her as much as I did two months ago. Now by moving on, do you mean completely move on like she never existed or move on but at the same time wait and see what happens?

nauticalstar420 · Sep 28, 2007, 08:53 PM

I'm glad therapy is going well. Good job to you for making progress!

When I say move on, I mean find other things to think about. I personally don't think you are quite ready for a relationship with anyone yet, because you should keep going with your therapy and not focus on anyone but you.

When I say find other things to think about, I mean get a hobby, volunteer, etc. Do something that keeps you focused. I know you care about her, but you should care about you more at this point. I always say that when I'm feeling sad, I turn my sadness into happiness for someone else. I have volunteered for my old church, I have volunteered at a thrift store and I have done gardening for neighbors, all when I am feeling sad. I like turning my sadness into someone else's happiness.

I'm very glad you are feeling better and keep it up! :)

Hottrodder246 · Sep 28, 2007, 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

I'm glad therapy is going well. Good job to you for making progress!

When I say move on, I mean find other things to think about. I personally dont think you are quite ready for a relationship with anyone yet, because you should keep going with your therapy and not focus on anyone but you.

When I say find other things to think about, I mean get a hobby, volunteer, etc. Do something that keeps you focused. I know you care about her, but you should care about you more at this point. I always say that when i'm feeling sad, I turn my sadness into happiness for someone else. I have volunteered for my old church, I have volunteered at a thrift store and I have done gardening for neighbors, all when I am feeling sad. I like turning my sadness into someone else's happiness.

I'm very glad you are feeling better and keep it up! :)

I really like that idea and I am going to give that a try! I know I should care about me more and that's that. I was doing some thinking and I realized that part of why she is with him is to get her mind off me. Their long distance relationship gives her the space she needs on her own but at the same time it makes her miss him. I think eventually she will realize that I can be good to her and I think deep down she will miss me. But as now, no chance and on with my life.

nauticalstar420 · Sep 28, 2007, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by Hottrodder246

I really like that idea and I am going to give that a try! I know I should care about me more and that's that. I was doing some thinking and I realized that part of why she is with him is to get her mind off of me. Their long distance realtionship gives her the space she needs on her own but at the same time it makes her miss him. I think eventually she will realize that I can be good to her and I think deep down she will miss me. But as now, no chance and on with my life.

Good job! Get on with your life and find other things to think about and care about. I know you can do this.

katringette22 · Sep 28, 2007, 09:50 PM

Heyyy my friend and his ex girlfriend broke up about a year and a half ago and I just try to make sure he doesn't forget about her, but gives her so distance apart. He really wants her back and will do anything me can go be with her again and hold her hand. They broke up cause he went and risked his life hick hiking just to see her for her birthday and to give her a good night kiss on her specail day. They had never really meet each other in person but they once had meet so much to each other. When I bring up her name they be times where he'll sit there a almost cry cause he isses her that much , yet she doesn't seem to realize or even care. He sends her e-mail and she never replay but she'll talk to him on the phone. Your not the only one that is going though hard times
-kat

Hottrodder246 · Sep 28, 2007, 09:55 PM

Originally Posted by katringette22

heyyy my friend and his ex girlfriend broke up about a year and a half ago and i just try to make sure he doesn't forget about her, but gives her so distance apart. He really wants her back and will do anything me can go be with her again and hold her hand. They broke up cause he went and risked his life hick hiking just to see her for her birthday and to give her a good night kiss on her specail day. They had never really meet each other in person but they once had meet so much to each other. When i bring up her name they be times where he'll sit there a almost cry cause he isses her that much , yet she doesn't seem to realize or even care. He sends her e-mail and she never replay but she'll talk to him on the phone. Your not the only one that is going though hard times
-kat

OK I appreciate that, but I didn't understand a damm thing... please read over what you write before you submit.

Hottrodder246 · Sep 28, 2007, 09:57 PM

Originally Posted by nauticalstar420

Good job! Get on with your life and find other things to think about and care about. I know you can do this.

Thanks for all your advice!! GO NY GIANTS!!

Hottrodder246 · Oct 2, 2007, 10:03 AM

My ex and I started to kind of talk again, I called her a few days ago and we talked a little bit about how we are doing and college. We both told each other that we are doing great. I want to start talking to her more and more and eventually I want to ask her out for something simple like ice cream or lunch, something very casual. I don't want to force anything, because I know that will push her away and I will only hurt myself. How should I approach this situation? Should I be forward with her about how I really feel? (I still love very very very much) or should I play it off like I don't need her?

GlindaofOz · Oct 2, 2007, 10:05 AM

I wouldn't push anything. I think that you should wait and see how things go. I would not start bombarding her with phone calls especially since I'm still not convinced you fully grasp the extent of the psychological damage that you inflicted upon your ex. You seem to have a "devil be damned" attitude about the whole thing and don't seem to care how it happens but are dead set to the point of obsession in getting her back.