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farfrmnormal · Sep 28, 2007, 07:42 AM

Thing is, a lot of the things that you keep going over in your head you have asked on here and been given very logical answers on how to approach them.

I am similar to you - while I am at work I am not busy enough to keep my mind occupied. This place helps - but you do need to take the advice of others on here because it does help.

Right now I am faced with the same problem - My heart is fighting my mind, but in the end I know my heart can't win. I need to stay strong. She knows how you feel - you know that. Don't drive yourself nuts by over thinking things. Set yourself a goal - don't contact her for a certain amount of time - once you reach that goal you may find it easier to not talk to her. I personally set a timeline of one month - if he doesn't contact me by then, then I am taking control.

You say you don't like being in control - it isn't out of your hands completely - you have the CHOICE to tell her not to contact you because you need time to heal. But if you do nothing then you aren't taking control.

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

Thing is, a lot of the things that you keep going over in your head you have asked on here and been given very logical answers on how to approach them.

I am similar to you - while I am at work I am not busy enough to keep my mind occupied. This place helps - but you do need to take the advice of others on here because it does help.

Right now I am faced with the same problem - My heart is fighting my mind, but in the end I know my heart can't win. I need to stay strong. She knows how you feel - you know that. Don't drive yourself nuts by over thinking things. Set yourself a goal - don't contact her for a certain amount of time - once you reach that goal you may find it easier to not talk to her. I personally set a timeline of one month - if he doesn't contact me by then, then I am taking control.

You say you don't like being in control - it isn't out of your hands completely - you have the CHOICE to tell her not to contact you because you need time to heal. But if you do nothing then you aren't taking control.

Thanks, I know everyone's advice is good and makes sense. Its just hard to let go and to admit the fact that its over for now. I honestly don't know right now if I could tell her to not contact me. I just think I will wonder more about what she's doing and if she's OK. I am just taking it day by day for now, some days are better than others.

farfrmnormal · Sep 28, 2007, 07:57 AM

^^ you've said this before.

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

^^ you've said this before.

I know, I know, sorry for sounding like a broken record. Just hasn't totally sunk in yet.

farfrmnormal · Sep 28, 2007, 08:02 AM

Have you both ever talked about this in person - one on one since the breakup?

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

Have you both ever talked about this in person - one on one since the breakup?

Yeah, Twice. One time about a week after and then this past Sunday. I mean I have told her how I feel and what I want. She knows it but I am still confused on what she wants. She says she just needs time to figure things out and space but I don't understand because she seems to be talking to someone else and hanging out with them instead of me. She never was one to stay out till 3 in the morning but now it seems like she is going out with other people instead of me. I just don't understand why she can't see me doing these things with her. She knows I care deeply about her and would do anything for her, I just don't know what she wants from me. She wants to stay in contact but for what? To make me feel bad? I don't think so because I can tell she was hurt also seeing me like this and about everything but something in her is telling her that she has to do this. I just want to show her she can have fun and go out but doesn't have to break up with me to do so. This is where my jealousy comes into play, she says she is just hangin out with people and a guy from work in particular but doesn't want anything in form of a relationship. So I don't know if she's lying to me, that's what makes me feel worse than anything. After 4 years I know her pretty well and it seems like she has changed in no time at all. I don't know if someone is influencing her thoughts and decisions but it doesn't make sense to me. I just want her to be totally honest with me about what she wants and what she wants in the future.

farfrmnormal · Sep 28, 2007, 08:19 AM

You're over thinking the situation - if she has never given you a reason not to believe he in the past then you can't not believe her - unless you have proof. You can't be thinking about her going out and whatever else she is doing. I bet she is hurting just as much inside as you - she is just dealing with it a different way. She says she needs time to figure things out WITHOUT YOU - so her hanging out with other people may be her way of dealing with things. Remember though, she has to be by herself at some point during the day - when she gets up in the morning, when she showers, when she uses the bathroom etc - she has to think about you and everything else and I guarantee she is doing this when she is by herself.

But honestly, what more can people say to you to have you change your ways?

You can continue to vent here, but eventually people will get sick of telling you the same things over and over and will stop replying. So get out of the hole you are digging and fill it back in.

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by farfrmnormal

You're over thinking the situation - if she has never given you a reason not to believe he in the past then you can't not believe her - unless you have proof. You can't be thinking about her going out and whatever else she is doing. I bet she is hurting just as much inside as you - she is just dealing with it a different way. She says she needs time to figure things out WITHOUT YOU - so her hanging out with other people may be her way of dealing with things. Remember though, she has to be by herself at some point during the day - when she gets up in the morning, when she showers, when she uses the bathroom etc - she has to think about you and everything else and I guarantee she is doing this when she is by herself.

but honestly, what more can people say to you to have you change your ways?

You can continue to vent here, but eventually people will get sick of telling you the same things over and over and will stop replying. So get out of the hole you are digging and fill it back in.

Thanks, I mean I know that she is feeling something, maybe not to the extent that I am since she wanted this. I mean she really hasn't given me a reason not to trust or believe her in the past. Even after this I would still forgive her for putting me through this, its just the way I am I guess. I know all I can do is move on and then see what happens but its just hard and I always wonder if she is truly thinking about me and us or just trying to forget and start over with new people. Thanks for your insight and advice. I will hopefully be better later after work when I can get out and go do something.

Aneesa · Sep 28, 2007, 08:31 AM

Well I just think that you should leave her alone for abit.But if not then ask her out somewhere but don't make it too romantic as she might not want to or might not like the idea of going back out or get back into a relationship. Ask her if she is seeing someone else. But if you think about it if she's like this then what will she be like in the future.

farfrmnormal · Sep 28, 2007, 08:31 AM

Check your PM's

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 09:36 AM

Thanks, I mean I know that she is feeling something, maybe not to the extent that I am since she wanted this.

You are correct as her feelings are not the same as yours. Thats why she is living her life and your wondering about yours.

I mean she really hasn't given me a reason not to trust or believe her in the past.

The past is over and its the present and it isn't her who is confused, but you since she has told you everything you need to know, thats why you are not together because she doesn't want a relationship with you.

Even after this I would still forgive her for putting me through this, its just the way I am I guess.

No thats not the way you are but I do understand your hurt, confused and in denial. That why you would take her back, to get back to your comfort zone and be happy again.

I know all I can do is move on

Your correct again, thats what you should do and accept its over.

then see what happens but its just hard and I always wonder if she is truly thinking about me and us or just trying to forget and start over with new people.

She is enjoying her own life without you. She is doing what you should be doing, but can't.

Thanks for your insight and advice. I will hopefully be better later after work when I can get out and go do something.

Did you read the links in my signature?? You should.

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 12:44 PM

OK everyone thanks for all your advice. Right now my last main question is how do I go about things and what do I do to allow myself to have a chance with her in the future. Months down the road most likely. What do I do to not ruin a shot at being with her again? I know for now things will probably be how they are but as I start to move on and accept the situation I still want to leave things in a way that we could possibly start again in the future if possible. Do I still talk to her here and there when she calls and stuff? Do I see her if she asks? I just don't want to ruin any chance I may get down the road. If we go about things like we are now, talking every once in a while, how do I handle her birthday in early November? Would I get her a gift? Do I take her out to dinner? I just don't want to make anything worse that would prevent us, if we are really meant to be, from getting back or even thinking about getting back together. Thanks again.

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 12:51 PM

Sorry bummed, you get a life and see what the future holds like the rest of us humans. There are no miracle answers or solutions, other than get over it and enjoy your life without her.

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Sorry bummed, you get a life and see what the future holds like the rest of us humans. There are no miracle answers or solutions, other than get over it and enjoy your life without her.

Yeah I figured, it was worth a shot though. I guess we just have to go on and see what happens from here. Thanks

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 01:58 PM

You know as soon as I start to come to grips with the situation I am in , something in my head changes and I start to get emotional and don't want to believe it. Its really weird, its like all day I was OK, not great but I was dealing with it and then around 4 pm I start to feel really emotional and want to ball my eyes out. I think about what I have to do to move on and grow as a person but something happens to me and I just feel like I don't want to do that and there has to be another way. I wish I could just get over this and start to feel better. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that everythign will work out for me , and maybe us, who knows but something happens where I feel that's not good enough. I wish I was more emotionally strong during this time. Well I am just venting here, feel free to comment although I know everything has pretty much been said already.

talaniman · Sep 28, 2007, 02:22 PM

You are in great company, and having those mystery weaknesses at weird times, is so annoying, but common to us all. Trust me you have a lot of empathy to your plight.

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You are in great company, and having those mystery weaknesses at weird times, is so annoying, but common to us all. Trust me you have a lot of empathy to your plight.

Thanks Tali, I know with everyone's support and my friends and family I will get through this. I just wished it would happen now, either we get back together now or move on now. Its hard to think that everything is so unknown. Well Thanks again. Hopefully the weekend won't be as bad as last weekend and I can keep myself busy so I don't wonder what she is doing every two seconds.

Sad Soul · Sep 28, 2007, 02:27 PM

Yeah... there's no lying to you: those ups and downs are going to be around for a very long time.
But, the second half to that truth is that, there is no lying to you, YOU WILL GET OVER IT. This is just something you're going to have to go through, and it's going to be very hard, but the emotional dust will settle eventually.
Don't stress your mind to death about thinking that you've lost the love of your life. Instead, just think that for the "time being" you two are apart (because no one knows what the outcome of the future is). So, for the time being, since you two are apart, and you have more time for yourself, what are all the great plans you have? What are all the things you're doing or going to do?

bummedout4 · Sep 28, 2007, 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by Sad Soul

Yeah...there's no lying to you: those ups and downs are going to be around for a very long time.
But, the second half to that truth is that, there is no lying to you, YOU WILL GET OVER IT. This is just something you're going to have to go through, and it's going to be very hard, but the emotional dust will settle eventually.
Don't stress your mind to death about thinking that you've lost the love of your life. Instead, just think that for the "time being" you two are apart (because no one knows what the outcome of the future is). So, for the time being, since you two are apart, and you have more time for yourself, what are all the great plans you have? What are all the things you're doing or going to do?

Thanks sad, definitely like the way that sounds. We are not together now, so do what I want to do, the future is unknown so I shouldn't feel like I have lost her forever. That made me feel better, thanks again.

Love-Life · Sep 28, 2007, 04:19 PM

I don't understand why you are so extremely persistent with her. If she wants to take a break from you, it is definitely a good sign that she's questioning weither or not she's even attracted to you anymore, or wants to date you at all. "Taking breaks" are the most moronic, selfish thing I have ever heard of. She's taking a "break" from you because she wants to see if she can find something better than you, but also keep you there just in case she can't, and needs someone to run back to. If she loved you as much as she should, she would never even mention something like taking a break, because she couldn't imagine being away from you. My advice, don't take that bull. Don't be dragged along by her like a desperate fool; what she's doing is pathetic. There are MANY other fish in the sea, she's trying to move on, so why don't you?