[dillpickle]

I've been married for 3 years. I have a wonderful husband that is caring, supportive, and loves me to death. We have a 1 year old son. I hesitated about getting married, but went through with it because the wedding had been paid for already and I was sort of pressured by family. I love him, but I'm just not happy. I don't feel I'm ever going to be content with him. I had an ongoing affair with someone that started before we even got married. It was like I was trying to sabotage my marriage. I wanted to be as mean as possible to make him leave me because I didn't want to be the one to leave. He had given me no reason! I broke it off with the other man, thank God. However, I feel like fate has landed someone else in my lap. I've met someone and it just seems so right. I'm not sure what to do. I can leave the perfect man who'll always be faithful and take care of me, and whose family I love and venture out alone again in hopes that I'll find happiness with someone that I don't know all that much about right now. How do you know if you are ready to leave? What if I walk out only to find that I left the best thing for me? I know other people out there have got to be feeling this way sometimes. Please advise.

[JoeCanada76]

You have not been faithful so honestly your being a deciever in this marriage and to carry on with this marriage would be a farce. This poor guy that got suckered in. Do not blame anybody but yourself. Please right now do everybody a favour and end this marriage before you become a cheat again. It is only right and fair for your soon to be ex husband.

Very simple answer after all is said and done, LEAVE.

Joe

[Biggie]

Now do you see why I don't ever want to get married?

[dillpickle]

I think I was doomed from the getgo! I have a very negative vision of what a marriage was from my childhood. I'm not blaming it on that, but I can't help thinking that there's always going to be someithing to make me happier. I don't want to end up like my mother did I guess and 'feel' stuck in a situation because I'm trying to please others and make others happy. I still wonder... how do you know if it's right?

[JoeCanada76]

What exactly do you mean, how do you know if its right?

[dillpickle]

How do I know if I'm 'supposed' to be with him forever? Everyone has always said, "Oh, you just know!" I think that's crap... OR I haven't found the "one" then. Do you stay with a person because you feel comfortable with them and know they'll always be there? Is that enough? That's why I asked this question tonight because I'm so danged confused. I've been obsessing over it.

[Wondergirl]

What do you see when you look into his eyes?

[dillpickle]

I see a caring, gentle man that loves me and would do anything for me. But for some reason in my dumb brain I am feeling that is not enough these days. What is wrong with me?

[JoeCanada76]

What are your roles in your marriage. You have a child together. Created a child together out of love? Right?

I do believe that many people in marriage become or is comfortable. How did you meet? How have you felt about him, how does he feel about you. Do you both treat each other respect, Uhm by the way with you cheating on him shows that on your part you do not have any respect for him. Do you spend quality time with each other. Do you want to spend as much time with him as possible? There are so many different aspects of what makes a relationship and also what makes it work. There are never any guarantees in life but I think part of your problem is that you actually have been obsessing over it. The reason is you are finding somebody else attractive and you what to play the field again. So that tells me personally that you were never truly ready to get married but the reason why you did was for the security of knowing somebody will be their for the mean time. Stay with the person BECAUSE YOU LOVE THE PERSON AND WANT TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME WITH THIS PERSON. If you truly do not care and you do not see yourself in the future with this person and never did then I honestly think in my opinion that you are cheating yourself, your husband and your child. If you do not figure things out now, then later on it will come back and blow up in your face. Do you know what I mean? I am not trying to be mean here, just trying to let you know what my opinion is. The thing is you need to figure this out on your own and do not let anybody tell you what to do. What does your heart, mind say? It does sound like your confused and hopefully by what I have said here and hopefully other posters will come up with their own take on your situation you will be able to think clearly enough to make a decision.

Now before jumping the gun here, have you ever thought of speaking to a counselor? The reason why I ask is because many peoples lives are effected by childhood experiences with what happened to their parents in aspects of marriage but there are many people who have a bad upbringing that have completely different views and life because of it. They actually made their life and future better because of making wise decisions and by being determined not to follow in their parents footsteps..

It all boils down to choices. We all have to make them and they do effect our future along with your family that you and this wonderful man have created.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do. I hope I have helped somewhat.

[dillpickle]

We met in college through friends. Have been together 5 and half years. I started dating him after an especially hard breakup. We had fun together and he was so sweet to me. He's still sweet to me. I don't treat him with as much respect as I should obviously... I feel like I 'wear the pants'. I set the ground rules. I'd never been like that before. I'd always been cheated on and treated like crap by my boyfriends. Then he came along after that bad breakup with someone I was SO serious about at the time and I just told him from the beginning that I wanted to do things with friends sometimes and have lots of close male friends. He was perfectly okay with that. One of my guy friends was in our wedding. He was the only guy that was okay for that. I respected him for it too, but I think I tend to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I don't want to be a cheating wife. It was a horrible mistake the first time. I was going through some difficult times. I watched my grandmother who was like my own mother die in the PACU after carotid artery surgery. She essentially choked on her own blood in front of me. After that happened I kind of got messed up and very depressed. That was 3 summers ago... 4 months after our wedding. The summer of the year anniversary of her death I started seeing a counselor because I had thoughts of leaving him but didn't know why I wanted to. He was a psychiatrist so he didn't help me out with too many of the question I had. I know I wasn't ready for marriage. It terrified me because of my parents marriage. Like I said earlier, I kept envisioning this lightbulb going off in my head saying "he's the one" and it never did. I'm just confused and I guess I thought others would read and have gone through the same thing at some point in their lives. Just needed input to put my thoughts at rest I guess.

[erlobenauer]

There have been many times I have thought about leaving my husband... for reasons, I don't know. But I never have, because I know I'm just being irrational at the times I was thinking about it. I'm sure everyone goes through phases when they second guess if their partner is " the one ".I'm certain he's the one for so many reasons and because everything in my heart and soul tells me so. Its different for everyone. However, I have never cheated on my husband. I think divorce should be a last option for anyone - As for your marriage, it was based on lies and deceit to begin with. That's no way to start a marriage, and surely a good reason to end one. It's not fair for your husband, you are playing him, and making a fool out of him for your own thrills. Its this simple, if you want to leave and you are thinking of cheating again, then leave. Whether you leave now or not, the truth will eventually come out - what if the truth pops out after you decide to stay with your husband? what then? Surely your life would go into a whirlwind spin back out of control. Either you love this man enough to make it work, or you don't. Nobody can tell you what to do, or what you should or shouldn't do, its your life - just remember those vows you took with your husband. Surely they had to mean something!

[N0help4u]

Marriage is about being committed to him and making it work. If you are curious about what "could be" then you are looking for self satisfaction and most likely will end up with shallowness. Trust me since my divorce (he was a cheat and a jerk!) I have had a few boyfriends and I can tell you they (even the ex) act one way until they figure they have you wrapped around their finger then they end up being the total jerk. The grass is greener until you get there. Stick with what you know is a good loving guy and pray for your heart to get right in the relationship.
I know so many girls that leave their guy and kid(s) because they are not content and they are only thinking of their own self and what they think they are missing in life.
I know many girls that leave guys and take their kids thinking another guy is the right one and 20 guys later the girl is still telling their kids "this is your new daddy" for the 20th time.

[stonewilder]

You were cheated on and treated like crap by boyfriends and then you do the same thing to a man that treats you good? There is no good reason or excuse to cheat on someone you're married to. If you can't keep your legs closed to other men then do your husband a favor and leave so he can have the chance to find a real woman who will love him.