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kbodden · Sep 21, 2007, 10:42 AM

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years now. Of course it's the typical story that when we first met, we were all over each othter, couldn't get enough. Now, I have gained some weight and We don't have sex that much anymore. I will lay there in bed and have nothing on and nothing from him. He doesn't like to touch me. He doesn't compliment me like he used to. I feel ugly and fat. I have gained about 40 pounds. Im not ugly by any means but He is only 29 and Im 34 and I want it all the time. I feel like he's not attracted to me even though he says he is. What should I do? I love him but this is a major problem. He has gained wiehgt to but I still want hm all the time. I feel like Im ignored by him. When I try to talk to him about it, he gets irritated. HELP! I love him but Im unsatisfied and Im afraid that I will cheat. I want things the way they used to be.

bvetrone · Sep 21, 2007, 10:47 AM

When me and my girlfriend first started having sex it would occur like 8-14 times a week. We kept that up for a few months, and than it just sort of dimmed down and stopped being such a big deal. It probably has to do with the fact that it's not new anymore to him, and (sorry if it offends) it probably does have something to do with the weight gain.

nikki_22 · Sep 21, 2007, 12:24 PM

It could be that the relationship has kind of cooled down. Also, do you think he could have some kind of erectile disfunction? I know a guy who couldn't get an erection with his girlfriend. She was really upset too and felt like she wasn't attractive, but that had nothing to do with it. He didn't say anything for a while, but finally went to the doctor and found out he had testicular cancer at 23 years old. He caught it early and is OK now. I would hint around a doctors visit. It probably isn't a good idea to come out and say why. If you go to the same doctor, tell him about it before your boyfriend goes in and suggest that he ask your boyfriend about sex life while he is there. Maybe he will admit a problem to the doc that he is embarrassed to tell you about. If you feel that you are too unhappy in the relationship the way it is, you will have to talk to him, tactfully, about this issue. Maybe couple's therapy could help. It could be he is super stressed. Has he had any reasons to be depressed or anxious lately? I would sit him down and have a honest talk about it before you consider breaking up or cheating. It could be that he has low testostarone. If he says its because of your weight gain, he is shallow and you should maybe dump him. But, if he was that unhappy about it, it seems like he would have said something. If you want to save the relationship, you will have to talk about it sooner or later. Good luck! Hope it gets better for you.

naturlmystic · Sep 25, 2007, 03:22 AM

It could be that you are unhappy or miserable, or depressed. I find my boyfriend cools off when I get down in the dumps.
Try acting really happy and carefree. When I act like that, he becomes a tiger again... rrrrr!!
Some guys get turned off by negativty or depressin... just try to be happy, and good luck!

kbodden · Sep 25, 2007, 11:33 AM

I appreciate all the advice. However, I can't act happy when Im not happy. Also, He has gained just as much weight if not more than me. Yet, I want him all the time. Im very unhappy.

Synnen · Sep 25, 2007, 02:15 PM

You need to TALK about it with HIM.

It's not going to get fixed unless you find out why he's not interested anymore, hon.

nstar10 · Sep 25, 2007, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by kbodden

I have been with my current boyfriend for 4 years now. Of course its the typical story that when we first met, we were all over each othter, couldnt get enough. Now, I have gained some weight and We dont have sex that much anymore. I will lay there in bed and have nothing on and nothing from him. He doesnt like to touch me. He doesnt compliment me like he used to. I feel ugly and fat. I have gained about 40 pounds. Im not ugly by any means but He is only 29 and Im 34 and I want it all the time. I feel like hes not attracted to me even though he says he is. What should I do? I love him but this is a major problem. He has gained wiehgt to but I still want hm all the time. I feel like Im ignored by him. When I try to talk to him about it, he gets irritated. HELP! I love him but Im unsatisfied and Im afraid that I will cheat. I want things the way they used to be.

Ask him what is going on. If he ignores u break up! No big deal...

Homegirl 50 · Sep 25, 2007, 08:15 PM

He could be depressed about his weight gain too, but it is not normal for a man that age to not want sex. If he has a problem but refuses to talk to you about it and you're unhappy, leave. There is no reason to stay in a relationship you're unhappy in if the other person won't talk about or even acknowlege there is a problem.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 25, 2007, 08:58 PM

If you lose weight, do it for yourself. Feel good about yourself for you.

kbodden · Sep 26, 2007, 09:30 AM

This has been going on for a long time now. When I try to talk to him, he gets irritated. I love him. This has been rough on me. Part of me would be doing it for me and the other for him.