[chck]

I'm writing this because I honestly don't know what to do anymore.. I've been going out with this guy for about 8months now and we have never had sex. We only tried once and that time he couldn't get it up.. We are both in our twenties so age isn't the issue. I have tried talking to him about it but he just says that its not a big deal. He also puts me down constantly and everyone says that I should dump him and move on.. I have tried to break up with him several times but I'm sooo in love with him for some reason and can't seem to move on! Before I met him I was in a relationship with another guy for many years and I've never had this problem before.. Please help? :confused:

[ConfusedandLost]

Sounds like your in a bad situation and already know the answer on what to do... the real question is can you go through with it? First and foremost if he is constantly putting you down... right there is the signal to leave. I would cut your ties NOW and walk away. Do this before you get even more emotionally invested. It will be REALLY hard at first, but as time goes by you will be able to see "clearly" and all of the imperfections that you saw will all start to make sense to you. There are many of us here that can help you get through it... be strong. No one deserves to be in a relationship that is abusive...

[TrueFaith]

Hey there :).. well he could just be very nervous.. it might be his first time.. and you know if it doesn't go well the first time.. your like umm OK not doing this again ;) it's a guy thing hehe..

that can't get it up thing. Is pretty hard to get over for a guy. Even more so if you are in your 20s. When you should be having more sex than your having cake. So to speak.. but its really nice that you have not given up on him.. were as most people would have..
my advice to you.. is to talk to him.. start with a lot of 4 play.. and see where it goes from there. I assume you guys have played around together..

but it has nothing to do with you.. he is just nervous. That's what happens anyway to most guys when it's the first time.. or if they have a lot on there mind. It's a hard bumb to get over. Just suport him and let him know he can be safe with you.
and sure you guys will work it out.. the putting down constantly thing is not good.. at all.. but then again I think its just because he knows he isn't so secure in bed.. its just him being insecure.
you got to put a stop to that.. :)

I hope it works out for you..
this is a common problem =) so don't worrie

[talaniman]

This relationship doesn't sound healthy or happy, and why do you love someone who puts you down?? Not healthy at all. Come on that can't be love, and whatever is holding you back from moving on, get rid of it, and him.

[chck]

I know the putting down is really bad and no it doesn't make me happy but I have talked to him about it and he said he didn't realise it bothered me so much and he will try and change. Everyone tells me he will never change but sometimes when we'r together I feel like he really does care about me just because of little things he does and maybe he WILL change? I don't know am I naiive to think that?Like TrueFaith said maybe its just him being insecure?

[E12191G]

Yeah I agree. Being with him isn't worth it. You'll move on. You just have to be strong enough. And sex shouldn't matter. Itl only make it harder for you to get over him

[JoeCanada76]

First: Sex is not the most important aspect in a relationship and different people are at different levels of importance for sex in a relationship.

Second: I agree, he could be very nervous, is he a virgin? That would explain not being able to keep it up.

Third: If this person puts you down and degrades you. You are not happy in the way he treats you. Time to GET OUT. Not because of the sex issue but because he is not treating you properly.

Fourth: Now if you decide to continue this relationship even though you know it is not going anywhere, it is your own lesson and life that you have to deal with on your own. You got some good advice on this page and if you are unable to make decisions to make your life better then being in this situation and continuing in this situation you only have yourself to blame.

I hope you make the right decision.

[TRISTE ET SEUL]

What? Usually it takes very good sex to keep you attched to a guy, Girl he's not giving you any, and he treats you like , what do you think, do you really think that for 8 months he hasn't had any sex! Come on now, something is going on there, does he even ask you for it or is he just fine w/o sex. I think that sex is the main thing in the relationship. If a man can't preform than I can't be w/ him.. are you doing anything for pleasure, if so do you think he's not..

[chck]

Apparently he is not a virgin but a mutual friend told me that he has had the same problem (of not being able to get it up) with his ex girlfriend.. I know sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship but it is still part of the relationship and yeah he just seems fine without sex? He has only really asked for it once.. Obviously I've thought about the possibility that he could be cheating on me but to be honest he's not the kind of person who would do that.. So I really don't know?As far as breaking up with him I have done so many times and my head tells me to get out of this situation asap but its easy to look at it rationally and make that decision, don't forget despite everything I am in love with him.. For whatever reason, I just can't help it! Arghh why can't he just be "normal"

[ConfusedandLost]

You are "normal"... love is a powerful emotion, if not the most powerful that we have. I would try and talk to him about the situation and make him feel at ease. However the whole issue of him putting you down constantly has to be addressed with him ASAP. That will begin to slowly break you down emotionally and make you feel like your not worthy etc... not a good situation to be in.