[bummedout4]

You are in such denial and full of excuses, as to what she is all about. I hope getting her off your phone plan gives you the closure to accept her change in feelings.

I hope so too.

[Sad Soul]

NO! Don't ask her anything about whether she is seeing someone new or not. This will only keep feeding her more confidence in thinking she has made the right decision for leaving you.

You know why? Because it shows that, “Man, even with dumping my ex, he is always going to be around…this feels good to know that he will love me, obsess over me, and just be here IN CASE”.

And don't get all angry for this. She is not doing this consciously. It's not a conspiracy against you. She is not planning out anything to hurt you - even if she is dating someone...

If you meet her and you're cool, indifferent, a positive person, and hehehe…if you're in a “rush to be getting somewhere”…you will suddenly be ten times more attractive. So make plans the day you are to meet for the cell-phone thing.

People are ONLY attracted to fun, positive and secure people. No one likes love-sick pathetic babies. You have to show you're strong. This doesn't mean you are to brush her off or be rude (because this shows you're immature and you are so hurt by her leaving that you can't even communicate properly). The key is to just be NORMAL, and to just be indifferent, and to just go on with your life. This will confuse her... because ex's are only trained to have the ones they dumped acting either OVERLY LOVING or OVERLY ANGRY. It will worry and confuse her a bit to see that you are neither one of those.

Don't be rude to her and go “k let's get this crap done with because I need to jet”. Just sort of slip it in that you have to be somewhere, and keep looking at the time. Also be nice to her and say “take care” when you part. Don't say this in an overly emotional way or anything like that because those things HAVE NOT WORKED! They surely won't work if she is with someone new either.

She KNOWS you love her, so don't keep telling her or showing her…this doesn't work! You have to be strong and stick with no contact, no "giving your love away for free", etc. You have to work on you like crazy. I promise it will at least give her something to think about.

NO CONTACT is your best bet. Sooner or later her and that guy are going to go through a rough patch – and that's when she'll come running back. And if she doesn't, I'm sure you're going to end up with something even better – something your mind couldn't even think up. So please, just work on you (the gym, your money, your career, your education, your way of thinking, etc) so that whenever the "time" is right, you will be presenting the BEST YOU there is for that special girl (maybe it will be her).

[Homegirl 50]

I think she can take you off her phone plan, tell you she dating someone else, so leave her alone, and you will still be saying"I think she is lying, I think she is just telling me this to get me to leave her alone"
You just don't get it. Leave the woman alone.

[Sad Soul]

I think she can take you off her phone plan, tell you she dating someone else, so leave her alone, and you will still be saying"I think she is lying, I think she is just telling me this to get me to leave her alone"
You just don't get it. Leave the woman alone.

Homegirl is right... nothing besides IGNORANCE will put your mind at ease. Knowing she is with another man or getting off the phone plan, or even just bursting and telling her you love her - NONE of these things help. So please, don't call her... don't talk to her brother about her, don't look on her Facebook... these things will give you wrinkles and make your hair fall out. It won't be easy to do NO CONTACT, but with more and more practice, I swear you will get better at it. Again - it will not be easy, so you will have some pretty rough days.

The only bet you have in terms of getting her back one day AND being healthy again, is to just cut her loose and to keep moving forward. There is NOWHERE to go besides FORWARD in life. You can't stay stuck in past memories of her... this will prevent from you growing as a human being... and then it will make you look more insecure or weak it if she ever comes around again.

[bummedout4]

OK everyone, I have read all your posts and I agree with most of the advice you have given me. But as this is my first time, it has been rough and I have not followed everything you have suggested. I met her today and we did the cell phone thing and I asked her to talk and she was fine with it. I just asked her to be honest with me and if she was wanting this space to see if we were really right for each other and to think about everything or if she wanted to be with other people. She told me that she is not looking to start a relationship with anyone and is just hanging out with people from work, which includes a guy she has been talking to. She assured me that she was not looking for anything with this guy in the form of a relationship and was just hangin out and enjoyed his company. Well I could tell from the look on her face, crying and tears in her eyes that she meant it and she really still loved me and cares about me. I really feel that this time apart will make us stronger if we are meant to be together. From here on out we will talk here and there, she said that she will call me and still does think of me and is taking time to think about what she wants in the future and about us. So from here on out there is nothing I can do but take it slow, talk to her when she calls and see if we are really meant to be. I will be living my life, going out with friends and just doing things I like to do trying to make myself a better person for me and hopefully for both of us in the future. I know you all probably will rip me for talking to her in depth about everything but it was hard and I felt I had to. I feel a lot better, I may just be delaying more pain down the road but I am an optimist and feel that she is the one I want and she will realize that we are right. Anyway, I will be on with more updates as they happen.

[talaniman]

No one will rip you, because I for one would love to be wrong and she comes back, but more likely you will be confused into the friendzone, darn that first one is so hard to deal with.

[bummedout4]

Thanks talaniman, I just have a feeling that things will work out with us. I am not really thinking about it right now, just taking it day by day and not pushing anything. I am going to try to let things happen naturally, kind of like when we first met. I am just glad she doesn't want to keep me out of her life and shut me out. I hope it works out but in the end if it doesn't I think I will have learned something from all of this and all of you.

[star3114]

I hope it all works out. Don't forget to work on you in the mean time. This would be a great opportunity to pick up a new hobby. Please, o please, o please, give the woman her space. Let her come to you. Let her initiate the contact... things are in a very fragile state right now. She is "sowing her royal oats" and utilizing her youth. Especially being she said she wants you to take it slow... this is girl talk for let her come to you (the last thing you want to do is appear overbearing)... and don't pine for her until she does. Good luck and keep us posted.

[bummedout4]

Thanks star, I definitely don't want to mess anything up with her preventing us from getting back together again. She is very stressed now with school and the whole situation that I don't want to be pushy and push her away. I am glad that she hasn't shut me out and wants to remain in contact. We will take it slow, see what happens from here with a hopeful outcome for both of us. She even said she may want to go out this weekend or do something , so I will see what she says about it and not try to push anything on her. I know all of these things break the NC rule but I am sorry, its hard and I don't think it's the proper approach with her. Lets just hope I am right.

[star3114]

It isn't a no contact rule... it is a let her come to you rule. She can't miss you and long for you if you are always around... If she wants to go out WITH YOU this weekend... she will call you. If she doesn't and she is getting cold feet... then she won't. Give her the space to have cold feet. She is trying to figure out what she wants in life... including if she wants you. Give her the space to think. That is why many recommend letting her come to you.

[bummedout4]

OK so lets say we do go out in the near future, this weekend or next. We go to dinner or something, at that time should I just act normal like we are friends or try to be romantic and make it nice, which is one of the reasons she is taking this break. I was never one to be really romantic and I know that was one of the problems. How should I act? I know its too soon to really come on strong, but something simple that would show her how much I have changed and how much she means to me? I know that there is a concert coming to town in 2 weeks that she would like to see, if we were together I would probably try to get tickets, but since we aren't at the moment, would that be too much? And be a waste of money? This is all hypothetical at this point, just getting an idea what you guys think.

[ConfusedandLost]

I would take it very slow... be yourself. Don't "act" in any way. Treat it as two friends going out to have a good time. If she wants more let her make that move. This is a very delicate game that has been dealt to you. Proceed with caution... or you will lose everything. As for the concert maybe hint at it to test the waters, that would be all I would do... don't expect a whole lot out of this...

[star3114]

Work the friends path... it will come off as non threatening and will not make her want to run... also, women will be more candid to a "friend" than a "boyfriend". Also, the friend approach is giving her the space she wants. When and if she wants it to be more, she will let you know. However, I wouldn't act cold towards her. Stop with the trying to show her I changed... this will surely make her scatter... You seem like a very intense fellow. You would make me a little skittish too. Turn the flame down or you'll blind her.

[bummedout4]

Thanks for the advice, I definitely don't want to come on strong and pushy. If we just go out and have fun, hopefully she will realize all the good times we had and what we can have in the future. Well ill be back on through out the week if anything else goes on or any new details. I am actually a really easy going person that is not intense about anything, maybe I come across like that here because I am trying to get back my love so badly.

[star3114]

That sounds like a great plan. Cut loose and have fun. Just enjoy her company, just as you would a guy friend (minus body noises of course) :D

[Homegirl 50]

I think you are still trying to worm your way back into her life after she has asked you not to. If it were me, I'd be angry enough to tell you to get lost. I think she is trying to be nice to make it a little easier on you, but she goig to need to flat out tell you to get lost, that may be the only way you'll get the message.
I mean you're getiing on my nerves and I'm not her. You need to get a clue.

[talaniman]

Your plotting your next move, and she hasn't called. Interesting. I also wonder how much you've changed in a week. That's also interesting.

[bummedout4]

OK just for clarification , she hasn't told me to get lost. She has told me she still wants me in her life but she is confused right now about what she wants in the future. I am not trying to make up her mind for her, just let her know how I feel and that there is no reason that we can't work. She has called me and I have called her, its not like I am bugging her all day to talk to her. I think everyone is under the impression that she said hey I don't want you anymore, get lost. This is not true, we are just not together right now and may be in the future, we may not. I am just thinking ahead so if the time comes, I don't ruin it and waste a chance. I love this girl and she knows it and I know she still loves me, she just needs to find her way. I am not trying to interfere so much but just be in her life so she knows what she's missing. I am not a creep nor stalking her, I have given her space and will continue to do so. I can't force her to see me or talk to me, she has done so willingly.

[ConfusedandLost]

Hey now I think your doing OK with this BUT if she is making contact willingly you should take it as "face value". Stop thinking ahead, take this day by day. If you continue the planning ahead you will eventually want more and then more... until you ruin that final chance that you may have had. Be cool, walk into any outing together as two friends and let her make the moves from there... above all else go into it with NO expectations other than to have FUN together :)

[bummedout4]

Well said... thanks