[vivia12]

You live in the Jersey Shore? Cool I've been there, in my post no contact when ex contact you,I wrestle with the same questions Sully. Same thing w/him, mom died couple of years ago,been hurt before my goodness, I hope were not talking about the same guy:)
Anyway, I heard they do think about you,just send it out there give them time, they do call you, but rememebr just because they call doesn't mean thing are back the way it was, I learned the hard way, write me a message or post, wow so much in common

[sully123]

Been broken up since mid July as some people know, were both in our 50's. He is the one who broke up since he said he couldn't give me what I want, he was emotionally unavailable and had changed over the past year. We had been together 2 1/2 yrs. I did have contact with him stopped by on Labor Day, and he had a real estate lady over, said he would call me back later on when he was done. He did keep his word. He called back that evening and we talk over an hour. I asked him if we could talk one night during the week because I was going on the cruise that weekend. He said there was nothing too talk about, he kept on saying he just doesn't know. THe last part of the conversation he told me the best thing you could do for me is take care of yourself. He said I have your phone number if I call you.. (that told me don't call I will call you). He said sometimes I think maybe if I would have done things different this wouldn't of happened.. I said yes we wasted the whole summer. IT was very emotional for both of us.I said good nght and he said good bye.. I texted him that Friday two weeks ago, right before I left if he could call me.. He texted me back that night and said there's nothing more to talk about.. and said move on... I was crushed... THe night before my cruise.. I left a message for him at home and said I didn't want to talk about us, I just you would tell me to have a good time.. I said I didn't deserve this and to be treated excuse me like crap.. someday you would regret it.. he had changed.. I am crushed. I went on my cruise and thought a lot its been two weeks since I have NC and don't attend to, I am too hurt.. I know he has clinical depression for years and the death of his mom two years ago, and selling his house he grew up in because he can't afford the mortgage. I have been so sympathetic and tried to stand behind him, and now he doesn't even care. He was always the type of person that was deep and would think if he hurt me.. But I know he isn't depressed like that he is functioning and going on his boat, he had bought it at the time because its something we both just loved.. I am trying to be strong its been two weeks of NC, but its killing me.. Will he ever call or is he just messed up in his head...

[s_cianci]

Nobody can predict whether he will call. You need to let it go and move on. Continuing to pine over him is not healthy and won't do you any good. Accept that it's over and pursue other interests.

[sully123]

Have been broken up about three months now, went together over two years. I kind of have closure on our relationship, thanks to me, asking if he could talk to me on Labor Day. He said he was sorry for hurting me, and he never meant to hurt me, like I never meant to hurt him. He said he had my number if he wanted to call me, which tells me I have your number don't call me. I did call him one other time a few weeks ago, cut the conversation short just a little over a minute. I asked him if he was OK, and I did miss talking to him, and what ever he is going through when ever he is ready to call, it would be nice to hear from him. So maybe we could be friends down the line. Just in the last few weeks a mutual friend who I work with told me he is dating since six weeks after we broke up. The first one didn't work out and now he is dating a second one. The mutual friend is the one that brought us together originally. I knew now it was time to never ever call him again. He had moved on, like I should. I was hurt to think after spending a couple of years with someone, that they just can drop you like that. No one ever cheating in the relationship or anything he had just changed. He was emotinally unavailable. I felt it over the past year, and I was on him for it the past year or so. I thought he was going through something after his mom's death a couple of years ago, and still trying to sell his house. He always told me he was stressed. I thought he would come to his senses, but he moved on. I don't know how he couldn't even handle us. How can they just forget and toss you away that your nothing. I actually have kind of kept my distance from my mutual friend also, because she plays two sides, and I work with her, and her husband works with my ex boyfriend. Tell me that's what they think of you, just to forget about you.. how much respect did they have just to forget and move on..

[sully123]

I have been broken up for about five months now from a two year relationship. Ok, he broke up with me, he was unavailabe emotionally over the past year. From friends I know he has moved on, and he is dating a girl from New York, were from Jersey. WE are both in our fifties. He has clinical depression for years, and is a simple person, and kind of a home buddy, if you know what I mean. I saw everyside of him, and felt all his stress he was going through. But what I can't understand, he doesn't have a lot to offer someone, except for his heart, which was fine for me. But this woman I heard is out of state, lives an hour and a half away. He could hardly afford the gas to come to my house at the time which I live twenty minutes away.. we did see each other.. but this woman has money and that isn't his make up. I don't get it, he went out with her three months after he met me, and are still together.. Someone can change that fast, and be head over heals, and she has money and this isn't him. I don't get it, is it nice girls finish last.. He always told me it wasn't me, it was him and he was going through a lot. How can they forget and move on and their personality change, will this work with this new one.. Need answers..

[George_1950]

"will this work with this new one..?" Do you know how they met? How long have they known each other?

"nice girls finish last" I don't think this is accurate in assessing one's results on the playingfield called romance.

[stonewilder]

Depression in it's self could play a big part in this situation. We all crave emotional closeness but when depression is involved the person may not be able to make a connection to others. He may have feelings of guilt that he's bring others down with him. It may be that letting anyone in makes him feel vulnerable, much like standing in a crowed of people naked. It could be that he is searching for someone who can brake through his depression and fears. Perhaps it could be a combination of all the above. I don't know if this is the case where he is concerned but it makes sense that he would chose someone who he can feel some closeness to yet keep at a distances. Depression is hard to understand and can be unpredictable sometimes. Regardless of his reasons he has moved on and you need to do the same. I don't think nice girls finish last, I think they just pick the wrong guys to fall in love with. You've spent 5 months of your life wasted on asking "Why?" now it's time to start asking yourself "What next?" Pick yourself up and move on.

[talaniman]

Stop comparing yourself to others, and dwelling on what somebody else is doing, and love yourself enough to be happy. Its you holding back your grief and anger, and you must accept it, and let it go. Put that part of your life behind you, and look forward to what comes next, wish him well, but think, good riddance.

[MissingHim2Much]

I know exactly how you are feeling sully. I too have been brokenup for 5 months now and my ex moved on immediately... It sometimes seems we need the answers to why this happened before we can move on... BUT most likely you and I will never get those answers so we have to find the strength inside us to just let it go and find someone else that knows how great we really are. These losers couldn't see how much we had to offer and will someday regret what they've done... Until then loving ourselves is our best option and soon someone will see how special we really are.

[sully123]

Ok, I dated for over two years with this gentlemen, and we broke up last July, haven't been together since then. I am sure he has another girlfriend, and that's OK. But something really bothers me. I just lost my Dad four weeks ago, and was sick in the hospital for over four weeks before that, so it wasn't pleasant for me to go through. Well what really hurts me, we have a mutual friend that I work with, that introduced a couple of years ago. Her husband works with my ex boyfriend. What I don't understand this mutual friend told him my Dad passed away, and I texted him to just let him know. Well I don't get is when we were dating he lost him Mom, and I was right by his side. How can a man with respect for someone, not even acknowledge a card, an email or paying his respects when I lost my Dad.. is a person that heartless or is this the real him.. Just wondering...

[Synnen]

Sometimes people just don't know what to say when confronted with information like that.

It's just as likely that he had no idea what to say or do, so chose to do nothing rather than do the wrong thing.

[talaniman]

For whatever reasons, he never acknowledged your pain. Leave it alone, as its not his problem, to console you, even if that's what you expected, he doesn't feel the same, so move on.

[youcantstop48]

Just moved on, which my girlfriend and my ex was there when my father passed away but people have different ways of showing there feelings toward stuff like this

[sully123]

Ok, I dated this gentlemen up until aug of 07, for over two years. Nothing major, just he got upset and called it quits.. I tried for a few months to get back together, then just gave up, figured if it was meant to be then it would happen. A few weeks ago, I texted him, just wondering how things were after fourteen months.. He text back the next day, and we were texting during the last couple of weeks. To back up a second, after we broke up, a few months later he was dating another person.. I had heard.. but that was OK, we weren't together then. To make a long story short, last weekend, he text me and we met and sat and talked for a couple of hours.. it was nice, he hugged me and it actually was like we had never left each other.. He asked me what I wanted out of the relationship.. friends or what.. I said I didn't know.. he text me a couple days later.. asking me if I enjoyed myself that night.. I said I did.. As I said we met up last weekend.. had a nice time.. text here and there this week.. but no phone call.. texting is so informal.. but I don't want to push the issue.. Should I just leave the ball in his court.. and just take it slow.. or what do I do?

[JohnD212]

Yep. To me it sounds like you're doing it correct. Take your time. I would suggest really busy yourself with other stuff... if you think too much about this you'll put more pressure on it and probably get hurt if it doesn't work.

Just enjoy the friendship for now.

[talaniman]

I agree with JohnD, doing other things you enjoy would be a great way to keep yourself from being to pushy, or getting carried away, especially since this is the second time around.

Let him contact you.

Good Luck.

[sully123]

Thank you and I will just do that!

[sully123]

Just an update, went with my ex boyfriend for over two years. We broke up summer of 2007. I heard from his last month, and we met up and talked for two weekends in a row. We are both in our fifties. It was nice, but his lifestyle of porn really bothers me. We did decide we both didn't want a relationship, we would remain friends. But I know he wants friends with benefits. What bothers me, he dated other people after we broke up. He never cheated or anything like that. I haven't seen him now in about three weeks, its just his lifestyle he does porn, and that he didn't do when we were together for those couple of years. Ok, what bothers me he is really back into it now. I just think he is going down the wrong road. What bothers me is when he texts me, he has always been talking sexual text's. Actually I have never heard him like this to the point, almost obessed with it. I was never an experimental person, guess I am more on the old fashion side, which was find with him before. What is the reason people get into this, it seems like an addiction. I tried to ignore the little sexual things he says to me, at times I think he still cares about me, but then this... I know each to their own, but what can I say? He tells me I am hot, lol.. what do I do?

[HistorianChick]

If you're not comfortable with it, then you don't have to be involved in it.

Don't feel obligated to get back together with him (or give him the benefits he wants) if you don't want to.

Stay friends if you care to. Just tell him that you're still not comfortable, that nothing has changed, and you don't want him to talk about that with you.

[21boat]

Iam a man over 50 two. My gal and I joke about me forgetting to do my midlife crisis. Some men are sexaholic. So men need sex to feel wanted and equate love that way. I noticed with me a young attractive girl is nice to look at but at my age it doesn't get me all excited. I think as a man gets older he needs more stimulation and the mind needs to overcompensate for what was lost in physical reaction down there. A man can overreact to compensate for this IE more porn wilder fantasies. More stimuli to get the whole body to react. The porn he most likely ALWAYS did. Just didn't share that with you before "old fashion side" And wasn't sure how you would react to it the first time you were a couple. Now the second time around he is letting it all hang out. I can't think for him and don't know him but I am giving you basic man stuff as a man around that age. I would look it this way a man tells a woman at 50+ that she is HOT cherish that. Now it depends on your idea of being an object for sex and what do you get in return. That sounds crude but many couples have there trade off. Obviously you need more than just sex and so should he if there is going to be a complete relationship. My gal use to be upset with me looking at porn until she realized it wasn't about her that way. She did the jealousy thing. Now she enjoys stories and some porn. We don't let it become a habit or a I need it to get started so we can have sex. I am lucky my gal in mid fifties is real HOT to me. I also make sure she knows that an she is No in our life and bedroom. That still doesn't mean I can't get excited looking at another attractive person. Obsessed with it Can be really relative especially to an old fashion gal. Really sit down and say your feelings and where you stand and hopefully he will to. Get into it. Maybe there is a middle or not for you both. I hear a lot of women complain about porn and sometimes for good reason. But guess what. I could easily say a woman gets dressed up to look attractive and actually puts on makeup for what? A sexy bathing suit for what? That's two little pieces of cloth to porn. See the point. Our forefathers would look at your beaches and say the devil is here and that's PORN to them. It all relative There is nothing wrong with LOOKING at a naked beautiful body look at our public statues. So you need to find out if you think its normal or not for you. P.S. be careful of S.T.D.