[torn in between]

I have a boyfriend of fifteen months. I love him very much until my heart aches when I realized he was not accepted by my family. He undergone a major operation a year ago, his L3/L4 disc was herniated and caused his L4/L5 to become degenerate discs due to the amount of pressure put on it. He fell and hurt himself during a basketball game. The surgeon decided to fuse his L4/L5 with cages and screws. He may have to undergo fusion again in the future.

Due to his condition, my family and relatives rejected him. They totally object my relationship with him. They are worried the possibility of him getting paralyzed due to future operations and the amount of time and money that all the operations would cost. He is fragile and unable to carry items weighing more than 5 kg. I understand their concerns. They wanted me to breakup with him and said that I would be better off with another "healthy" person. They are giving me such immense pressure that I think that I can't continue the relationship anymore. Yet till today, we are still an item.

Since my mother's sudden passing three years ago, I was very depressed and I couldn't accept the fact. I was so angry with God for taking her away. The pain of losing someone I love is unbearable and eventually hatred and vengeance consumed me so much that love never got a chance to come in as though there is a big vault surrounding my heart. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years and shunned myself away from friends. Every night, I cried myself to sleep and just hope that I can give up something for her to be back. For two years I led such a life until my current boyfriend came and taught me how to let go of my mother's death.

He managed to charm his way into my heart and always cheer me up when I'm down. We were inseparable since then. He is a very loving, outgoing and romantic guy. We are able to talk on all sorts of topics and I'm just happy to be with him. He is a great person and I don't want to part with him. I can say that we are very much in love with each other. I'm now working in Singapore while he is in Malaysia.

I'm caught in between him and my family. I do not want my family and my boyfriend to be sad. My boyfriend knew of this situation and he wouldn't want to let go without giving it a try. But he is willing to call it quit as long as I requested for it. What should I do ?

[Wondergirl]

It's certainly a wonderful thing that everyone in your family is mentally and physically healthy! None of them have ever had surgery or been hospitalized? None of them smokes or drinks too much or ever even needs a band-aid?

And each physically and mentally perfect one fell in love and/or married someone else who was physically and mentally perfect? If there was a defect of some sort in one's beloved, that beloved was dumped for someone else who was determined to be perfect? And if a partner became physically or mentally ill along the way, the partner was gotten rid of because it was too expensive emotionally and financially to keep him or her around?

Your family sounds real fun to be around. I hope they tell any guests to leave medications, canes, wheelchairs, walkers, eyeglasses, and false teeth at home when they come over to visit.

P.S. Stick with your beloved. He sounds like a wonderful catch!

[AKaeTrue]

He sounds like a wonderful guy.
You should tell your family not to be so judgmental over someone with a disability.
Ask your family this:
If you were in an accident and became paralyzed (or had a chance of becoming paralyzed due to an accident) would they shun you, or would they still love and accept you?
Would they want for others to love and accept you as well?

Anything can happen to any one of us at any given moment that could alterer our lives forever... Ask your family to keep that in mind and continue your relationship...

[2331]

The main question to you is that do you love him?I can see that your boyfriend is waiting for your answer.as to your family,why would you want to bother so much about them as this your relationship and not theirs.