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snuffy · Jul 12, 2005, 08:22 AM

Wildcat. Girl out Thursday this week, been texting me, obviously interested or she wouldn't bother. She got my number off god knows who, comliments me, knows all about me, and amazingly is going to do french and law at uni as I do!

She has been saying very positive things, I have not given too much of a response to her, but she knows I may be interested.

Now if I go out and talk to her laugh joke, do all that subliminal mirroring a touching them, being light hearted, acting non chalant etc etc. perhaps even ignore her after a couple of minutes yet just show a little tiny bit that I want her. How will this make her feel?

Intrigued perhaps?

What exactly do I do?? Just go ahead on the assumption that I don't care whether or nt she rejects me lol and not get too enthusiastic if she like me.

Lol, its so easy on paper! In practice it is tricky!

Haha

Write back

snuffy

turtlegirl · Jul 12, 2005, 11:14 AM

It IS tricky. Show you're interested, but that you have a whole and happy life that you might like to include her in. Not that you want to make her the center of. Don't wait by the phone, so to speak. Exciting for you! (I don't even have a crush on anyone right now; life is boring that way, so enjoy the sparks!)

Wildcat21 · Jul 12, 2005, 11:37 AM

You don't have a crush on me? ;-(

Wildcat21 · Jul 12, 2005, 11:45 AM

Snuffy - play it out with the original gal - BUT, definitely see other woman for now.

Don't ever early on put ONE woman on the pedestal. She may leave quickly for a lot of reasons.

Be yourself - BUT NOT boring - dn't tal kabout yourself much - LISTEN - LAUGH - let her talk 70% of the time - she doesn't want to hear about your grade school teachers or what a jerk your boss is. Learn to ask questions and add to wha tshe is talking about.

EYE CONTACT IS SO KEY!!

If you like her - grab her hand and hold it for a couple seconds then go - "no holdi ng hands to early" - woman want to be teased all day long.

I wouldn't think about all that stuff too much or it will look like an act - woman know this stuff.

Ignoring is great as well.

snuffy · Jul 23, 2005, 06:19 AM

Hey guys,

I truly do not want the ex back as a girlfriend now, not in a million years!

I wanted her friendship though, without a doubt, esp now that unequivocally do not want her romantically.

I been following the advice on all the articles on how to be with girls and it all works! It is truly bizaree and defies logic! I now have around 5 very attractive girls interested. I have learnt from my old mistakes.

The problem is one of those girls is a friend of the ex girlfriend and I thought that it would be OK now to proceed and see how things go with her. However, the proverbial has hit the fan now. She says she hates me right now, don't want to talk to me, and even before she found out that I like her friend she continuously slagged me off and put me down and humiliated me, I cannot believe she would have anything bad to say about me, and she has resorted to telling people that I am a pyscho ex and that I constantly on her back. I haven't texted her for 3 weeks or called or anything so maybe I am missing something there.

The upshot is, it seems that if I go with her friend she will have nothing to do with me.

Well, considering all the slandering of me and the way she has been |am beginning to wonder wheteher it is even worth having her friendship now becauise she is NOT the girl I went out with.

I suggested that she needs counselling for bad mouthing me, and I told her that it says more about her than it does about me that she has to keep talking so negatively about me. I don't understand it at all. She thinks I still want her and said I always try to get her to meet me. I don't. I have asked her if she'd like to meet for a drink just to catch up but that's all. I am being civil, she is not.

please advise.

Im meeting her friend Monday.

why is she doing all this stuff to me. I always talk good about her to other people yet she does the opposite.

I treated her so well and so respectfully. She dumped me. I wonder if seep down she is pissed that I got over her so well, and that she now sleeps with random people whereas I am seeking a proper relationship with a girl not just a cheap lay.

please please give me opinions.

Wildcat21 · Jul 23, 2005, 09:40 AM

Snuffy - DUDE!!

You are MISSING A LOT!! Forget about your EX!! NOW!!

Ditch this girl. YOU SHOULD NEVER CARE WHAT SHE THINKS - THIS MORE WUSS-BOY BEHAVIOR. You'll NEVER be friends with her - EVER!! She DOES NOT RESPECT YOU AND YOU CA NNEVER TRUST HER.

Obviously YOU really screwed things up with the so called EX. To soft/sentive/Nice guy - and she WALKED ALL OVER YOU and still DOES!!

A MAN could careless what she thinks. You have to radically change your thinking here NOW!!

Obviously you STILL have huge feelings for her - AND I ASK WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? She treats you like crap, walks all over you, now says bad things about you.

Another BIG RULE - about 99% of the woman you date - once it's over YOU WILL NOT BECOME FRIENDS. 90% (still BAD odds) you WILL NOT DATE AGAIN!!

WHO CARES IF SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU?? WHO CARES?? YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER - BELIEVE ME.

DON'T TALK WITH HER - STOP ALL COMMUNICATIONS.

"I treated her so well and so respectfully." Ughhhhhhhhhhhh!! That's your problem!! You treated too well - 'Nice Guy' stuff - WHICH WOMAN HATE!! YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO SAY CRAP LIKE THAT.

I don't think you learned anything at all from wha tI have tried to tell you about woman.

You sound like a big Wuss again. Yuck.

This giel is a HUGE nightmare and you're STILL STUCK ON HER> You even say she needs therapy and you still OBSESSED. What??

snuffy · Jul 23, 2005, 03:02 PM

I have learned via a vis new relationships. All the dating and attraction stuff and it works.

I realise as you say she does not have any respect for me at all, and accordingly I will follow your advice and completely ignore her. She is off my radar for good now.

Not been wuss boy since
I have been assertive, and she does not like it one bit! Ha ha

Thanks wildcat

I'm meeting the new girl Monday and I will not ever ever get whipped or attached like I did before again. I will not be a nice boy and I have told her she can buy ME a drink

Cheers dude

fredg · Jul 24, 2005, 04:38 AM

Vulgar Language is not allowed here.
fredg

turtlegirl · Jul 24, 2005, 09:23 AM

Good luck! It's okay to get attached. You SHOULD get attached, just not on the first date.

Wildcat21 · Jul 25, 2005, 11:47 AM

Hey Snuffy - I had to give that tough love.

That gal sound like she has a lot baggage if she is bad mouthing you like that.

Definitely move on. Definitely try and see her friend - if only to let her friend see that you are a good guy.

See, a lot of Gals with baggage are used to being treated poorly - always.

It's not a good idea initial to do a lot onice things early on. And not be too available.

snuffy · Dec 9, 2005, 05:30 AM

Hey guys, it's months since I last wrote to you.

Re: My ex-gf. Initially after breaking up I wanted her back - a common feeling after any breakup. Then I asked how I could get her back. I was told to stay out of contact altogether. I tried to but didn't because I kept hearing all sorts of nasty things being said about me, all of which were unjustified. It was like she became an entirely different person. I ended getting sucked into the whole situation because I was replying to her slurs on me, and generally somehow making her hate me more.

Then after only a few weeks she was in bed with someone else which was the time I decided I just didn't want her back. I went for someone she knows. Not to p*ss her off, but because I thought, well its over, so I may as well go for her acquaintance because she likes me and I may as well she how it goes.

When my ex found out sh said she 'fu*king hated me' which did hurt me, so I got sucked in again. Anyway the whole summer Ihardly spoke to her and ended up apologizing to her because I was sad how she could start to hate me so much because in our relationship things were almost perfect. Obviously I just could not understand the complete attitude change towards me.

Eventually we talked a little, never in person I add, but we were kind of polite and friendly. I just wanted to maintain some kind of friendliness because I hate it when people don't get on with me, I am a good person and I treat people with the respect that I would want to be reciprocated.

Anyway a month ago, stupidly, I was drunk and sent a text saying I loved her late at night.

The morning after I realise what I did, so sent her a text saying sorry for the drunken text but said that I meant it as in love meaning' I care about u' not that I want her back, because I don't.

Anywy I must say in my mind it is an obsession of you like that at a minimum I would want to be highly regarded and at least regarded as a friend of sorts.

ANyway that day her one of her friends was sending me messages off her phone which were abusive in the extreme, which were really offensive saying that she 'absolutely despises me'. Did I miss something?? How the hell can anyone despise me when I've never done anything.

Anyway spoke to her on msn last weekend and she was very very 'cold' and said why do I want to be her friend' she did not apologise for rher friend saying the horrible nasty things and basically she don't care if we never speak again.

Now, Obv I don't want her back. I just imagined that at least she would be friendly. I never give her a bad name; it is like she is a wholly different person. Truly odious and I wonder why the hell I care so much. Its hurtful because I treated her so well, not perfect, but really well. Why is she like this.

It seems to people like I am obsessed, but I haven't seen her once since we broke up. (in june) One minute she talks to me all nice then the next I hear she is slandering me. And then she turns into a *****.

It affects me, not that she doesn't fancy me, I know all the deangelo stuff and it works on other women. I am confident in that respect and changed. But I just wanted to be a friend and just wish she didn't view me in such bad terms and wish she didn't 'despise' me. (how does that work?! )

If I ever come across her I guess I should just ignore her entirely. Or what if she says hi, I should just ignore her?

People I need advice on all of this.

Thanks, snuffy.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 9, 2005, 05:54 AM

She slept with somebody else? Then you go out with one of her friends and she is mad. Then you apologize. What did you have to apologize for. Of course, now I think you realize that the original advice of staying away was right on the money. Just take this as a learning lessing. If she says hello, then say hello back. That's all, nothing more. It is up to how you feel? Do not say anything if she does not say anything. This is so messed up.

Joe

DJ 'H' · Dec 9, 2005, 05:56 AM

This girl is not even worth the time of day.

If she wanted to be your friend then she would be and she would not be treating you like this

I would not want to fight so hard for a friendship with someone like her? All she is doing is causing you pain, hurt, upset, confusion and bringing you down a nasty hole. - Don't let her - delete her number, email address and block her on MSN. Even change your number if you have to - but don't let her rule your life anymore.

I can see you are one of the good guys with a lot to give - so why waste it on someone who does not derserve or appreciate it. Get out there meet new people and give it all to a girl that does derserve it, that will appreciate it and best of all will give it back at the same time. Also give your friendship to those who are worth it. This girl is not worth it.

snuffy · Dec 9, 2005, 05:57 AM

I'm guessing, though not entireky sure, that if she truly 'despises' me then its because I liked her friend, hence the reason she thinks its best we never keep in contact.

Women really are from venus! Truly bizarre at times, though the world would be boring without them.

DJ 'H' · Dec 9, 2005, 06:02 AM

I think this girl just wants everything on her terms and done her way - she has tantrums if she doesn't get her way. At the end of the day she did the dirsty on him - he started seeing one of her friends after the whole shabam and why shouldn't he? She picks and choose when she wants to talk to him and be nice to him and the rest of the time just hits on his self esteem.

She has a lot of growing up to do and one thing she needs to learn is respect and honering other peoples feelings. If I take a dislike to someone I don't treat them like that; I am still polite and well manner and would never dream of slandering them. They are human beings with feelings like the rest of us.

snuffy · Dec 9, 2005, 06:07 AM

Thank you. You're obviously one of the nice women out there. Freakishly though may I add, you have the same birthday as her: 8th April. Bizarre!

Wildcat, what are your views on this issue. Do you agree?

DJ 'H' · Dec 9, 2005, 06:24 AM

Blimey! That is freaky.

And thank you for that lovely comment. I am so sorry she has out you through all of this. You really deserve better,

s_cianci · Dec 9, 2005, 10:37 PM

Two points for you to consider here:

First, stop trying to figure this woman out. She is obviously irrational and probably emotionally disturbed. More importantly, she is an abusive person and you don't need a friend like that. If you keep allowing her to treat you this way, she will. Steer clear of her, once and for all. If she then starts to pursue you, tell her to go away. If necessary, go to court and get a restraining order to keep her away from you. I was in a very similar situation years ago ; woman dumped me, became nasty and abusive, I finally decided to stay away from her once and for all as though she disappeared from the face of the earth. She began pursuing me again, being more abusive than ever to the point where I finally had to take legal action and get a restraining order against her.

Secondly, you seem to have an unhealthy need for the constant approval of others. Stop trying so hard to be so popular. Do you own thing and don't worry about whether others will approve and don't accept responsibility for their reactions. No matter how hard we try, some people just aren't going to like us anyway. It's human nature that not everything and everyone are pleasing to everyone else. If someone dislikes you it's not because you did anything wrong. You need to meausre yourself by your own standards rather than everyone else's. Now, disliking someone is not an excuse for mistreating them. We don't have the right to mistreat someone we dislike. Conversely, someone may dislike us but that doesn't give them the right to mistreat us. They must be held accountable for their actions. Take whatever legal action is applicable in the event someone harasses you. If it happens in the workplace, report it to your supervisor and to the appropriate labor authrities. Remember, you did nothing wrong deserving of any mistreatment. The people who mistreat you are in the wrong, you're not. It isn't wrong to dislike someone but it is wrong to mistreat them.

Tony2005 · Dec 10, 2005, 01:05 AM

It is very simple. When you go out of your way to be nicer to other people, you instinctively like to be reciprocated. When you are nice, you want others to be nice too. Of course being nice isn't so bad but having tall expectations on others isn't the right way to have a healthy friendship. More often than not, expectations in friendship always create problems and end up either in break-up or emotional distress.
I doubt she is really interested to reciprocate your emotional bonding with her. Doesn't matter if she has failed to understand you, meanwhile you need to shower your kind nature to the one who really deserves. Forget her. Let her go. You move on.

Chery · Dec 10, 2005, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by snuffy

I'm guessing, though not entireky sure, that if she truly 'despises' me then its because i liked her friend, hence the reason she thinks its best we never keep in contact.

Women really are from venus! Truly bizarre at times, tho the world would be boring without them.

Even though you answered your own question in your first post, and all the other advice was very good, there really is not much more to add. Just one thing though, I don't think it was a woman who started the stupid rule of not dating the other person's friends.. I think that came from a jealous " I marked my territory first" type macho man. Forget her, and go out with anyone you wish. There are no territorial rights for anyone - that just shows immaturity. Let her hate you, if she has nothing better to do with her life. Just don't waste your's on her any more. Good luck and keep us posted.

This is how we decorate on Venus, we put our men inside and hang them up... Happy Holidays!