[wanttobewiser]

Hi

I really really stuffed up. I went with a girl for a few months and later started to find out heaps of background info about her past that answered a lot of things I was uncertain about with her. But those things I learnt were really dark. THings that really confused me and made me pretty scared. I thought I only liked the girl, and with all the confusion in my mind she told me she wanted to go to europe for 4 months. And in that situation I thought "yes" go for it, itl give me time to think and shel enjoy her life.

But a month after she arrived, she was asking me how serious I was, cause if I wasn't, she wanted to stay for a year or more over there. And cause I was a bit confused about her past I didn't know what to say, so I asked intensly about her past to see if I could resolve it and make a decision "i want you more than anything" or "no, you can stay".

But asking all that hurt her a fair bit. As I know now. But at the time, I said, "look, i can't make a decision, maybe you should just continue with your plans over there and when im not so confused ill contact you"

Big mistake

She took it like I was just telling her I can't handle her past and want to drop her. But I wasn't. It was just a misunderstanding.

Now that a couple months have passed. I realise I don't just like this girl, I'm in love with her, and her past makes her who she is and that's who I love. And I can accept all that stuff and move on.

But only now do I say that, cause I've had time.

But of course she's had time too. And when I tried to contact her she smsed me and said "I have NO feelings for you, i was in an awked situtation and was lonely in life and was on the rebound. Leave me alone and i have nothing more to say to you"

Now that's pretty harsh. But I don't believe a word of it. Even a couple of her friends here don't believe it cause they know how close we were together.

So I need to find out how Im going to win this girl back. She's in London, Im in Australia. Do I just fly there? Do I soften things up first with flowers and letters even though she won't reply to anything. I will fly there, but I would like to have some communication first.

I don't know what to do

[GlindaofOz]

You let it go. She's traveling around Europe discovering how she feels about everything. She is embarking on a life changing experience. Just because she was close to you a few months ago doesn't mean that she feels the same now. The months away from you may have allowed her to sort through how she really feels.

Plus you let her go after learning some ugly things about her past. I guarantee that hurt her to her core. I have some sketchy things in my past and have had a boyfriend leave me over them believe me my feelings for him flew right out the window.

I say that you are feeling these things because you are fixating on it and now you no longer have access to her. I suggest you move on and leave this girl alone. It may not be what you want to hear but all signs are pointing to her already moving on.

[wanttobewiser]

I understand. But did your x ever try anything to prove to you that was yesterday and ask for a 2nd chance?

I know feelings come and go. But do you truly think I could never rekindle anything? Whether now or when she returns?

[GlindaofOz]

I never allowed it. It cut me so deep in my heart that he judged me for my past and things that were out of my control. It made me incapable of opening my heart back up to him. It was a shame because he was a great guy and I was crazy for him.

You can only rekindle if she wants to. She has told you she no longer has feelings for you. You have to take that for what it is. If she is not interested in getting back together then this whole thing is an exercise in futility.

You messed up. You learned a lesson here to not judge someone on their past and not allow their past to interfere in your present. I thoroughly believe its time or you to move on and take this lesson forward.

[talaniman]

If you couldn't handle it the first time, no way a female will give you a second chance, consider this, your to young to get STUCK!!

[Homegirl 50]

I think she made herself pretty clear. I suggest you leave her alone and get on with your life. Respect her and yourself enough to leave her alone.