[jessilee]

I grew up not knowing exactly who my father was, I met both of the people that could have been. I geared towards the one that was always "supposed to be" my father, the one who everyone said was. I got a phone call last year from him (my supposed father) that the other potential father died . Well, I noticed that my decision making has drastically changed, I have decided on a career all of a sudden after graduating high school 12 years ago, I am able to endure much more such as full time college, full time job, all while being a full time mother of two 10 yr olds, one being my own, and the other my step child, and I have not wanted anything to do with the one I always kept contact with. I know I have become hardened, but I feel that in some way the deceased "possible father" is giving me guidance, and is in some way telling me it was him who was my father. Could there be any truth in this, and is there anyway to know if it is him or some other entity driving me? I just feel a really strong sense that he is telling me he is my father. I only met him twice. Once when I was 14 and the other time I was 22 or 23. Is it my subconscious that is trying to make me believe? Is it making me leave the one I had a with relationship behind? It just feels so strong and true. Please anyone if you can help ~ please do.

Thanks

[nikki_22]

I think you are the one who wants to have a career etc. Maybe the fact that this man died has made you want to make the most out of your life. Sometimes a person's death can make us feel that we want more in our life and also renew our energy because we want to make the most out of life that we can. Congratulations to you for all your hard work in school etc. I'm sorry you don't know who your dad is. I don't either and its been hard for me sometimes. You mentioned that this guy who is alive still could be your dad. Have you asked him about a blood test? It is relatively inexpensive and will determine without a doubt if he is your dad or now. If not, they you will know the man who has passed on was. At least it would bring you some closure. If the guy will not agree to a blood test, then just tell him how much it would mean to you and maybe he'll come around. Either way, you seem like a very hardworking motivated person and everyone in your life should be very proud of you.

[jessilee]

Thanks! Yeah - the one that is alive, was the one who always thought was my father, but he was never there for me - I initiated contact w/ him. He has no children and is kind of selfish towards the whole thing. I told him how much it meant to me, and he agreed to do the test, but it was only after the other one passed away. When he was alive, it was the most uncomfortable thing between me and the one that is alive now.(sounds confusing I know)

My whole thing was that since Terry died, I have had a feeling come over me like I need to do for ME and no one else, I have changed. I didn't know him, I met him once. Sometimes I just feel that he was the one, and now he is helping me with my true path. (I know it sounds corny). Thanks for the imput, and encouragement. All I know is that we are who we are because of ourselves, (and our mom's of course) so if and when our "fathers" meet us or what ever, they cannot take any credit for who we are and who we have become. Be proud of who you are, I have gone through bouts of looking at myself in a mirror, and wondering who the hell I was, where did I come from?? I finally realized - I am me and that's it! It doesn't really matter where I came from - only where I am going and who helped me along the way to make me who I am and to help me get there.